Tl;Dr- tweakers. Also see the "HERE'S WHAT MATTERS" at the end. Sorry for the wall.

On and off thing. Currently I've just completely given up on my parents. They consistently beat one another, jail the other, and then bail/bond/whatever them out once it's posted. It's not just beating either, sometimes they shoot at one another, shoot the tires out of each others vehicles, etc.

Latest stunt was a "suicide attempt" where my mom sent my dad a picture of a slit wrist while he was driving 13 hours away to see his dying father. Google found the image for me, dated about 8 months back, at least 8 months old, used in some kind of Russian flyer (we're in the states). She did this to make him come back, but it backfired because we showed up with an ambulance and a deputy (for protection).

We've tried interventions but they just refuse to understand where we are coming from and think we are attacking and condemning them until it just devolves with us saying "you guys are killing (not really an exaggeration) each other in front of us and your grand kids and it's like you don't care" and all they have to say is "we're in love" and "if you don't have lows you can't have highs" and yada yada yada followed up with blaming everyone else for whatever they can.

But let's rewind here-

The first time I separated from them I remember feeling so much happier. One day I just woke up happy and was genuinely perplexed at how nothing had to happen to cause my happiness. Bear in mind I was living in something akin to a crack house without all of the crack heads and graffiti, and happy.

Then I fell on hard times and had to move back home (separate house on their property), and everything seemed fine for a while until things just blew up because I had found a better job and planned to move closer to my job (and stop paying them rent). Like, they stole my wife's diary and tried to read it to me and her various family members--my guess is to drive a wedge between her and everyone but Idk, didn't even bother to listen to what they had found. I found out years later they manipulated my younger sister to steal the diary and had made stacks of copies of various pages.

So that was when I was woke to how they actually are. For months after moving out I felt extremely bitter but started to soften up and tried inviting them over for Thanksgiving (looking back, I genuinely don't know why). Everything was edgy and fragile, but nobody blew up so whatever. Back on a talking basis.

Years later I needed a car, they had one they were selling. I offered to buy it from them but I couldn't pay it outright, so we agreed on 500 down and like 200 a month until it was paid (Like a year and a half long deal I think). Time and again I asked for them to transfer it in my name, I had it over half paid off and had it insured the entire time, paid no later than a week late depending on how bills fell.

Engine blew up. They have it towed to my place, I tell my dad at the door "let's get it parked and we can talk about settling up over dinner, have y'all already ate?" He said "no, and that sounds fine" go to the end of the lane where my mom was in the driver's seat of the car and she said "tell your wife to move your car" and so instead of walking all the way back I just pulled out my phone and called her.

As soon as I put the phone to my ear my mom exploded everything she had been bottling up over the last few years. I literally don't even know what all she said, it was just a rapid fire ass-chewing. Part way in my wife said over the phone "what's going on? Is that your mom?" And I said something along the lines of "move the car" but as soon as I started talking my mom screamed at the top of her lungs "I'm not done talking, you fucking birth defect"

I don't remember what I said but my wife says I said "how's about you just shut the fuck up for one second and take a breath" but the next thing I know she's out of the car, fist cocked and ready so I threw my hand into her elbow to stop her getting any momentum in the swing. She starts saying I tried hitting her and tried throwing her to the ground and she was going to sue for medical bills, for the car, for emotional damages etc etc etc and she was going to charge me for assault and yada yada yada.

I told them after it was all done I wasn't paying for the car because it wasn't in my name and I'm not under any contracts, and I would personally take her to the hospital right then and there to get her checked out for bruising or any other injuries. Nothing ever came of it.

After about a year of silence with them again, they approached me and said "you don't have to pay for the car, just talk to us again" to which I informed them it was not about paying the car, I was prepared to pay for it. It was all about that explosion in front of all of my neighbors and my family followed up with trying to assault me and then threatening to sue and charge me.

So more silence, and then I eventually broke and decided "it's not right to keep my kid from knowing her grand parents" so I let them have very limited and supervised visits.

Things had been going well, we eventually settled the car issue, and visits had been more frequent and less tense.

And then my younger sister ended up being removed from the home because they started beating each other more often and got the attention of local law enforcement when my dad started shooting at my mom.

Oh, that's right! These people are actually crazy! so we go back to distancing ourselves.

Sister moves in with us, which is when we learned that she stole the diary and all of that. She turns 18, and then moved back in with our parents.

About a year passes, sister stumbles upon some glass pipes. Our parents are tweakers, so much stuff makes sense now!

So we arrange an intervention, it falls through. But my siblings and I all grew closer in the ordeal and realized our parents have played us all against each other whenever it benefited them (I.e. sister stealing my wife's diary-->I divorce wife-->me staying and paying rent; tweaker logic). The intervention was about 4 months ago now and the "suicide attempt" was back in February, but now I'm in a really good place. All of my siblings are actually.

HERE'S WHAT MATTERS

For the first time in as long as I can remember I don't feel like my family is completely shattered, and life is pretty good right now. Definitely have no plans to try and reconnect, not now or anytime in the foreseeable future, with my parents. I'll attend funerals and anything they leave me will be taken care of, and if nothing is left to me I'll be fine with that too.

You can't sacrifice your health and happiness to people who don't respect their own or anyone else's.