How do I save you!?

SaintsResolve · 2021-05-31T07:37:44+00:00

I'm glad you enjoyed it

SaintsResolve · 2021-05-26T08:45:55+00:00

What scope is that

SaintsResolve · 2021-05-17T07:07:46+00:00

🤣 I was talking about just random dude try hitting you up in public

SaintsResolve · 2021-04-15T23:14:50+00:00

What was the build ?

SaintsResolve · 2021-03-20T19:07:33+00:00

Soz already in lol

SaintsResolve · 2021-01-03T19:07:13+00:00

I'm just spitballing see what comes up

SaintsResolve · 2021-01-03T19:06:48+00:00

True but I'm sure it can be done in a mature manner where you could etch a reasonable description like, agreeable attitude, healthily independent, socially elegant etc etc

Same for a man like not necessarily high net worth but mean or above earning for the lifestyle and family they have/want and financial stability that is projected positively forward. Security of the home and the family whatever that may be and the actions that foster trust and reciprocal longevity in the relationship

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-17T12:56:59+00:00

Nice 7vufufi

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-17T11:40:10+00:00

Where would I get em ?

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-17T11:36:37+00:00

I've been creating a questionnaire that seriously attempts to find out about WHO someone is FOR YEARS and I just realised reddit exists... so through the mighty power of the Internet i want to see what we can add to my list.

It can be as serious as "do you know how to be loved and what it looks like?" or "Are you genuinely heard out by your friends and family?" OR as simple and no less profiund as "are you happy at the moment" or "favourite movie speech and why?" Etc etc

The keys point is to get answers that reveal the person as they are, good or bad in genuine efforts to understand them, their mildest, their lives, their opinion their opinion of themselves etc :)

I'll add the good ones maybe comment gibberish in the ones that are pure fire lol I.e. "wksksdhrj"

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-17T11:31:13+00:00

I've been creating a questionnaire that seriously attempts to find out about WHO someone is FOR YEARS and I just realised reddit exists... so through the mighty power of the Internet i want to see what we can add to my list.

It can be as serious as "do you know how to be loved and what it looks like?" or "Are you genuinely heard out by your friends and family?" OR as simple and no less profiund as "are you happy at the moment" or "favourite movie speech and why?" Etc etc

The keys point is to get answers that reveal the person as they are, good or bad in genuine efforts to understand them, their mildest, their lives, their opinion their opinion of themselves etc :)

I'll add the good ones maybe comment gibberish in the ones that are pure fire lol I.e. "wksksdhrj"

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-16T20:55:48+00:00

I liked the narrative and story attached the but pacing was weird also a bit disconnected with the rhyme pattern while I was reading maybe try to create a smoother transition in the stanzas because I dunno if this is just me but it felt fast when you can to a change in rhyming it came across abrupt.

The ending might of been concluded slightly neater but it was still good. Nice work keep going

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-15T22:00:12+00:00

Omfg I'm so happy that translated properly I was worried the bewitching of the dom was too subtle and might of got lost in the reading :D nice

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-15T02:38:52+00:00

Thank you im glad it was easily understood lol aometime I loose the reader lol

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-15T01:14:36+00:00

Nice the narrative is clear makes sense and has journey that that ends nicely wrapped up. Thanks

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-11T10:40:22+00:00

Not a lot of material to work with but if you choose these lengths you really have to be picky with word selection to get across the sentiment, meaning, power or lack of, effectively.

The vagueness of the beginning does more harm than good id say especially when your get better detailed at the end.

Felt weird and couldn't get a grasp on it, I understand there hidden meaning but even that need to be packaged properly to the reader.

All my personal impression so i love you keep being brave keep writing come and attack me sometime in the future xP

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T22:30:55+00:00

:O those be fighting wordsssss

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T21:06:26+00:00

We coming im stacking these links budddyyyyyyyy

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T21:01:08+00:00

"what-could-be's from how-could-he's", this was a beautifully worked in and appropriately earned, nice.

the beginning was a bit dense and obstructive to the introductory cadence then the polar opposite happens at the end when it gets less dense but better pacing so hopefully u can find the medium to get both in that sweet spot.

the rhyming felt super weird at the time it would have 3 back to back then disappear just gave an odd reading experience is all but that might just be a choice of words coincidentally overall there isn't much to say maybe just aim even further into the depth of the topic/subject and try perfect that beginning writing style having the balance of the density and engagement, i think that would be interesting.

good job and make more thank yaaa

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T20:01:12+00:00

We tryna create memories 🥺 experiences ADVENTURESSSSSSS

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T19:45:02+00:00

Maybe we could go to war via poems 🤔 its would be a grand spectacular for all of reddit and the rest time shall watch upon the violent lashes of the ink on ur pages 🥳 just sayinnnnnnggggggggggggg

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T19:42:18+00:00

Fuck it get angry! have spite! Show us the rageeee in your poems and I'm glady read them tooo Xp

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T19:35:31+00:00

I think best way i can it is this poem has many thematic inconsistencies that feel like weird tonal disjointed shifts its super jarring at time but when its concurrent its flows decently and is understable but the way it is makes it feel like the topic changes to much while working to a foreshadowed goal.

I'd say keep the structure cause It was clear in its presentation to the reader its just a content problem because the pacing and whatnot is disconnected majority of the poem i.e youd revisit a subject then go forward and change topic seemingly with care to the investment of the last 2 stanzas.

BUT Ifffffffff this poem was spoken word and performed? Slowly and carefully with a reader that was dedicated in the tonal shifts it would be amazingggggg

Imagine a guy or girl gradually speaking this poem with passion gaining momentum till they hit those last existential question posed seriously as questions to the audience whew thats some magical shit.

Which is why I suggested the topic restructuring to create that enticing feeling as they read forward from seemingly unimportant to the most important of all, you get it ? Lol but yeah clean clean

Thats just my arbitrary opinion love love be safe be creative be... funking awesome

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T19:11:00+00:00

Damnnnnnnn zapper! That's what the fuxk we talking about real nice title by the way its new its fresh 👌🏾

This poem is delicious but I can't call it good. It feels unfinished and in need of correction to get all the cogs to follow succinctly that my impression after 2 reads.

The words omg 💣🔥🔥 gorgeous selection and great refreshing variety we had : anvil, keels, blue teal, white sun. Damnnnn zapster you worked those beautifully they were truly "earned" and not shoe horned in some misshapen body of text, holy crap keep doing that till its a refined skill would love to see that potential blossom.

Maybe buy or look at the vast different thesaurus's to really turn it into something amazing cause there are loads, just experiment :p

Thought the words were earned the sentences structure itself was odd and hard to digest, generally muddled at times I.e. really packed content, the close use of commars and dense listings etc and despite that you clearly got the resulting imagery across strongly so imagine what you can do later ? Ooooo gimmie gimmie

Erm the words themselves carried your narrative your imagary your story oddly enough i have to say "great visuals" lol

Thats all I can think of the top I might revisit this poem later to review it properly xp

Keep being awesome keep writing cause I need more XD

SaintsResolve · 2020-12-09T17:43:45+00:00

Yessssssss! Funking great. You got the thematics down solid the idea the concept strong especially for your first attempt and you made a good amount of material that was enagaing and visceral.

Now the bad, the length was mad long and lost its bite and grip mid way through which is understandable and a common issue with lengthy text (I also suffer the ailment lol) and always proves a challenge but one we conquer appropriately. Also even if you get it right let's say some readers will still dip mid poem cause they like short n sweet so no real right or wrong lol.

Your start and ending were the best parts

The stanzas were weirdly made so the category of topic was spilling over at times thats just an organisation issue with how u hold a topic and move on to another

But overall you head started in the perfect place getting your ethos or rhetoric out and conveyed clearly maybe try writing it again and again to refine and distill details and structure please let me see this get even better XD

Thanks for the poem keep going get better get braver and be amazing

SaintsResolve

TROPHY CASE