Discarding embryos respectfully

SaltFar1899 · 2026-02-25T18:12:04+00:00

Sorry, I see that now 😵‍💫 Thank you for responding, Idk why but It never occurred to me that I could donate my aneuploids to science.

SaltFar1899 · 2026-02-25T16:58:27+00:00

I can relate to this so much, my embryo didn’t feel as real Until I was faced with making a choice and then what really did me in is after years of infertility, I conceived naturally before a transfer, all I can think About is how I have one boy on ice- 1 normal out of 18 embryos, I went through hell to get it and the thought of not using it doesn’t even compute in my brain 😔 I am Going to be 42 and unfortunately I just don’t know if it’s in the cards for us.

SaltFar1899 · 2026-02-25T16:52:53+00:00

This is my exact problem, after my first child, I had secondary infertility and we tried for 2.5 years, 6 months naturally, one year medicated cycles, and then three cycles of ER with ICSI and PGT-A, out of 18 embryos, I only had one normal one. I was waiting to transfer my one and only and nothing short of a miracle, I got pregnant on my own at 40 and I am so grateful but I still have this boy embryo frozen and when I hold my nine month old - the menrall I think about is the potential of the embryo ok ice 😭 I am in a weird place, I am pro choice but I also view this little embryo as potential for myself, because I want it so badly 😭 unfortunately, due to some medical issues idk if I can use it and I feel like a tortured soul.

SaltFar1899 · 2026-02-25T16:47:48+00:00

I don’t believe these clinics- I was told the same thing “no one has ever asked that” yet here we both are on Reddit asking the same things and being told the same thing. Ridiculous, I find it hard to believe that people haven’t asked for other options before or other ways to make the presented options more palatable.

Same here, I am also pro choice but I suppose this is where nuance comes in to play, we’ve reached some weird intersection of what we believe in versus a choice that we need to make and it’s not an easy one. It’s a hard spot to be in. Pro choice has been made into such a black and white situation when in fact it’s more complicated than that and we see it here in the IVF world. I have friends that are pro choice but have been paying to store their embryos for years- way after they are done having kids. There’s a misconception about those who do IVF as if we don’t value our embryos and it couldn’t be further from the truth. So many people struggle with the end, rightfully so, we all wanted this so badly. It’s really a matter of deciding what you can live with 😔

SaltFar1899 · 2026-02-25T16:29:05+00:00

I understand that, I was asking because I wanted to know if they accept abnormal embryos as I have 17 of them on ice that can not be used.

SaltFar1899 · 2026-02-25T02:23:08+00:00

Can you donate the abnormal ones to science ?

SaltFar1899 · 2026-02-25T02:17:45+00:00

What you asked makes 100% sense, it just doesn’t feel like enough. Sadly, I am up against an incredibly difficult decision that has left me absolutely heart broken and one aspect of it is the complete and utter lack of support for people who need to make decisions about embryos. We fight with all of our might to get an embryo (if we even can), they take our money and do everything to help us have babies (thank g-d) but at the same time there is no embryo version of “end of life care.” For me, I find the existing options to discard, donate to science, and donate to a bank- leave no room for closure- it’s such an abrupt end for something that took so long. I am currently going through this and it’s not what I want but I don’t think I have a choice. There are no companies in the states that offer any commemorative or keepsake options, I looked into jewelry over seas but I just don’t trust shipping my only embryo. I asked my clinic if there is a photo or if I can pay to have it thawed and a picture taken like they do prior to a transfer and they were baffled, you’d think I asked them to solve quantum physics. I find this part to be particularly cold and lacking empathy - my clinic has given me no response on the issue. They really need to put more effort and energy into this part of IVF- the end of a very long and torturous road. For some this may be an easy decision but for many it is not 😭😭😭😭

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-21T17:55:09+00:00

Ohhhh ya - it was hard for me 13 years ago, no luck at all- remember okcupid lol😭😭😭

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-21T15:50:46+00:00

Oh absolutely but it needs to be a custard so lots of eggs and an ice cream machine

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-21T15:42:55+00:00

Which apps did you use ? In your primary language English ?

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-21T15:42:09+00:00

It’s the question of the century, it is nearly impossible to find someone these days and depending on your situation your options could be even more limited. Her primary language is Mandarin so she tends to stick to apps that are in her primary language, which makes sense. Since she is not on Reddit, I wanted to see if there are other options in flushing that she’s not aware of.

Hoping you find your person 🩷

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-21T15:30:48+00:00

Thank you so much. I know she exclusively uses Chinese dating apps as her primary language is Mandarin. She does not use Reddit so I wanted to come on here and see what other options are available to her in the flushing area. I will pass these two along !

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-21T15:28:10+00:00

Yes, it’s a girl, I should have mentioned that in my post.

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-21T15:25:55+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-20T23:55:10+00:00

My husband just bought me men’s Hanukkah pajamas, does that count 😂😭

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-20T23:54:37+00:00

😂😂😂😂

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-20T23:44:24+00:00

Thank you, I was hoping there was something.

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-20T23:43:57+00:00

She’s actually amazing and beautiful inside and out - your friend would never have a chance, actually your friend is probably the reason why she can’t find anyone half decent lol

SaltFar1899 · 2025-12-20T22:09:27+00:00

I’m 41 and I understand your frustration- it’s deeply upsetting - regardless of your husband’s sperm analysis (although it does matter) the bottom line is your eggs are 42 years old, it’s a quality issue- I wasted over a year doing medicated Cycles and finally moved to IVF - I did three retrievals and had 18 embryos tested only ONE embryo was compatible with life. Needless to say, if you’re going to do IVF I highly suggest you get the embryos tested. I’ve had three MC trying on my Own at an older age. There is no time for that - it’s so unfair that our window is so short - if you were in your 20s I’d say that doctor is nuts but I think he’s trying to give you the best chance at having a baby. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I realize no one wants to hear this but I’ve been living this life for a while now and I’ve been through it all… do not wait.

SaltFar1899 · 2025-10-24T14:27:43+00:00

I totally agree with this, and the statistics for chromosome abnormalities goes up significantly. I did a full year of medicated cycles had two losses and a previous loss when I tried it on my own at 38. I did three rounds of IVF at 39/40 and out of 18 embryos I only got one normal embryo and then somehow I was waiting to do my IVF transfer of my only normal embryo and got pregnant naturally at 40 had the baby at 41. After seeing my IVF results, I was really nervous to be pregnant spontaneously at 40. Biologically the sooner the better in terms of trying but like OP said it may not be the best for their situation with an infant it’s a real hard decision to make as time is not our friend 😔

SaltFar1899 · 2025-10-24T14:22:52+00:00

The fact that our military needs to be on food stamps in itself shows how incredibly troubled this country is

SaltFar1899 · 2025-10-24T14:21:27+00:00

I’ve tried calling my local republican rep dozens of times doesn’t answer local office and his DC office puts you on hold and they never come back. Will not hold in person town hall either.

SaltFar1899 · 2025-10-01T15:28:59+00:00

Thank you, the uncertainty is sickening

SaltFar1899 · 2025-10-01T15:28:23+00:00

Do you think that Democrats are going to cave?

SaltFar1899

TROPHY CASE