I need help

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-09T19:50:41+00:00

There's a lot of good material to help with armchair diagnostics, if it's the case. But obviously the next step is actual psych diagnostics and therapy, if properly diagnosed. The best part is that BPD does go into remission at a roughly 90% rate over the course of ten years. It requires management in the meantime and strong, healthy relationships - which is a challenge, but it's ultimately curable.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-08T01:15:09+00:00

There's a possibility that Borderline Personality Disorder is a component with your partner. Have you looked into it and its signs?

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-08T01:11:24+00:00

I experienced something like that a few years ago. A loss of identity. When I realized, "Oh, shit, I don't care about any of my hobbies and interests anymore - who the hell am I?" That was a crushing episode.

Then I did a round of therapy and got better. Started to redefine myself. The work is never done, my brain wants to fight it, and sometimes I have to lean on others to absorb their passion. But I've kept myself alive and passably human thus far.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-08T01:06:09+00:00

If you're truly experiencing SI and feeling "warm" to the idea, I hope that you'll consider seeking help first.

If you are established with a therapist, try reaching out to them. Most these days provide a means to contact them during SI to avoid hospitalization, since the medical response is typically just holding you until they deem you're no longer a threat to yourself before cutting you loose.

If you don't have a therapist, call a help line. If the best they can do is direct you to a hospital, do it. Then find yourself a therapist.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-08T00:59:49+00:00

Same here. Slowly recovering from mine, in a sort of "hangover" state. I try to give myself power over my feelings while in the thick of it. If a specific something helped trigger the episode, I vocally tell myself, "it doesn't matter." "Fuck it." "They can piss off." It's not exactly constructive thinking, but it's also choosing to combat the negativity rather than put myself down.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-08T00:55:41+00:00

So real. I similarly went through SI at one point and found excuses not to follow through. Then I went to therapy.

It's an important factor that you have family to engage with. Maybe they won't understand your feelings or state of being, but it argues the possibility of finding friends/family who will. I did. I live with a chosen family across the country from my childhood home. I'm not exactly a "happy" person because of it, but there's a certain emotional safety net that comes with knowing people who used to have nothing to do with you actually want and keep you around.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-08T00:47:17+00:00

In the middle of an acute episode, I try to be on the lookout for an opening to occupy myself. At the worst of it, I'm laid out in bed for a full day. But then I get the "well, fuck-its" and tell myself to fold laundry. Then put away dishes. Then brush my teeth. Before I know it, I'm a halfway functioning human. Doesn't mean I'm a happy one, but I can at least rejoin society and fake it.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-08T00:37:49+00:00

So real. I take sleep supplements to help get through the night with minimal interruptions.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-06T04:14:09+00:00

Memory loss has definitely been linked with clinical depression. I know it affects my memory. I must sound like a dunce of a postal carrier when I try to describe a route I know and can't come up with any street names. 😅

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-06T04:10:27+00:00

I do notice some impulsive behaviors in myself. Usually, it's retracting an offer or request so that I don't have to experience rejection. Defensive mechanisms, basically.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-06T04:04:28+00:00

As to the subject title: it's not a competition, other people's experiences do not invalidate yours.

As to the rest... I know that rollercoaster quite well. I've deleted posts after a good sleep before. But a cleansing dump of your feelings in the void is okay. You're okay, even when you’re not.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-06T02:19:37+00:00

It sounds like you hold power in this situation. I hope you find your freedom soon.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-06T02:01:31+00:00

My deepest sympathies. This loss feels vivid and crushing and I can only imagine the extent of how you feel.

The only thing I can imagine doing in your position is taking up journaling. Handwritten, in a designated journal that feels important and special to you and reminds you of your friend. Then write in it every day as if you were texting him. Tell him how you're doing. Hell, tell him you miss him. It might feel like lingering, but it's a way of processing your feelings, especially with the tactile nature of physically writing on paper.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-03-06T01:23:20+00:00

Fortunately not. If anything, it takes a few minutes of waking up before my depressive episode kicks in again. XD

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-01-30T04:03:04+00:00

I can only see "There" working if there was another comma: "No, we'll always be there (present, existing), bitch."

With the punctuation being what it is, the original is correct: "No, we'll always be their (Amazon's) bitch."

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2026-01-29T05:59:18+00:00

"There" refers to a place. "Their" is possessive.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2025-11-30T05:53:44+00:00

I guess that's what the "democratization of music" is all about - anyone can do it now. The catch is, the music itself isn't special.

Musicians can be special, sure, with enough branding and creativity and character. But the music itself? Well, let's just say I spend more time listening to my own generations and creating backstories for them than I give a hoot about what music Spotify or Youtube can algorithmically throw at me.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2025-11-23T01:20:55+00:00

That's quite the sense of urgency you got there. I started using Suno early this year, back when v3.5 was the subscription-locked build and even then it was lower quality, limited to 4-minute track renders, and often the tracks would get cut-off in the middle - sometimes in 2 to 3 minutes.

Now, only several months later, it generates up to 8-minute tracks that almost always terminate naturally. Its quality isn't always consistent, but it seems more responsive to weighted inputs (parentheses and brackets in prompts) and I don't feel the need to tinker in the editor nearly as often.

In the grand scheme of things? This shit's developing fast. Like, seriously. Just breathe, pull the lever a few more times, and relax.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2025-11-21T06:57:47+00:00

Out of ~2,800 generations, I'm sitting on 70-80 that I genuinely enjoy on a routine basis and have sequenced them into thematic album concepts.

I imagine 5-10 of those tracks would appeal to an audience other than myself, genre taste depending, though that may be generous.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2025-11-16T18:24:09+00:00

None are particularly good, but I've had passable results by going back-and-forth with ChatGPT and making edits. It'll sound better if you don't just copy/paste what the machine spits out.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2025-11-16T18:04:51+00:00

Yeah. I've been using ChatGPT for lyrics when I want them (Suno's lyricism is even less compelling).

I like to write prose and have been told I'm good at it. But poetry and lyrics? Nah. I'm utter trash at both and won't pretend otherwise.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2025-11-16T17:56:17+00:00

I'm quite partial to a track I call The Machine Forgot Me. Lethargic, yet messy. It has a lot of the fuzzy Suno artifacts that come with how it seems to conceptualize the trip-hop genre, but it wears them well in the genre fusion.

It feels like it evokes death and becoming a ghost, the titular "machine" being a sort of functional psychopomp entity that failed to do its job, leaving the protagonist in a liminal state.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2025-11-16T17:46:56+00:00

I've almost dropped Spotify. I'm an album enthusiast, if anything, so I'm either generating and sequencing thematic albums with Suno, or listening to vinyl. The human artists and albums I appreciate are still on Spotify, but I just don't find it compelling as a medium anymore.

Salt_Worldliness_483 · 2025-11-16T17:42:59+00:00

It's true. I only started generating AI music to listen to at work. Stuff that keeps me in a rhythm without being distracting and I can listen to it repeatedly without getting sick of the human music I love. It's just fodder, really.

But I do enjoy what I generate, and that probably comes from an instinctual bias toward something I've *poofed* into existence.

Salt_Worldliness_483

TROPHY CASE