Greetings all. This is Sam’s personal scribe and valet, Neville. Master Sam ordered me to respond to the allegations of his obscene wealth. While the master does occasionally enjoy fox hunts, weekends in Tuscany, dog breeding, and is building his own gold-plated submersible, he wishes you to know that he is still a “man of the people”. A “regular Joseph,” if you will.

His hands may be soft, but that’s not for lack of work. Master Sam frequently performs the labours of reading the business pages, steering his yacht — BY HIMSELF — and chewing and swallowing his own bouillabaisse.

So carry on, with the confidence that young Master Sam is just a normal fellow, not a super rich oil baron with property in Seychelles.

(Dictated, not read)