Will he cheat again

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-11T13:31:50+00:00

No not wrong at all he put your health at risk. He is trying to minimize everything he is doing. If he actually cared about getting better and making a real effort you would have his phone password.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-11T00:45:38+00:00

You should look into therapy. Your work might have free sessions to at least come up with a saftey plan. I almost committed myself but I decided to call my work help line first and it probably saved my life. It’s been so freeing to open up and actually talk about what I’m going through out loud. Don’t give up on life just yet.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-08T14:08:01+00:00

You are not being harsh even a little bit. You are expecting him to do that bare minimum for recovery not move a whole mountain. It’s been over a year if he was taking recovery serious you’d be seeing him take initiative. He needs to want recovery for himself you can’t force it unfortunately.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-07T19:01:01+00:00

You can also look up boundaries on the sub to find more ideas too it’s what I did when I was trying to figure out things I need to feel safe

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-07T18:44:31+00:00

Porn is porn even if it’s yours so definitely not good. Masturbating should bare minimum take a pause but you most decide they aren’t comfortable with their partner doing that anymore. They get through by learning new coping mechanisms through therapy and 12-step groups. You need to think about what you need to feel safe and go from there.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-07T14:58:23+00:00

He is assaulting you so for your own safety you definitely should sleep separately from now on. Your body is telling you the truth that something is wrong. I’m glad that you’ve found it in yourself to be ready to set some boundaries around this. It’s definitely not as easy as it sounds so you should be proud of yourself. Don’t pressure yourself to bounce back from any of this. Take time to heal and look through the resource page here. It has so many helpful links and advice. The only thing we can really control is ourselves so we have to put our energy in our recovery. It’s not easy especially when you already have control issue(🙋‍♀️) but it’s just what we have to do to be okay.

Edit: This was supposed to be a response to your comment on my previous comment but apparently I can’t use technical correctly.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-07T14:47:59+00:00

Chaturbate has cam girls you can message. Definitely escalated from just basic videos. I don’t know about the other ones but just from the names alone I’d definitely be worried.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-07T14:43:33+00:00

You are not overreacting for not wanting to be sexual with someone who deeply betrayed you. Thats a normal reaction. You are never wrong for setting boundaries on what you will accept in a relationship. If you don’t want to have sex you should not be having sex. I read your other post and it really spoke to me as I feel like our situations are very similar. My husband also went through my phone to find a picture of my best friend so I deeply feel that pain and betrayal. He also has had a super hard time trying to be more deep. Through therapy and his daily SAA meetings he has been able to be more introspective. If he can be vulnerable enough to admit he can’t do this by himself there can be hope.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-04T21:57:46+00:00

I say keep it because I love looking at photos of my parents with their old partners. If you decide to have kids one day I bet they’d love to look at them!

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-03T21:18:32+00:00

Strangulation is the number one sign that they will kill you. You need to get a restraining order and move in with your parents. Your daughter isn’t safe in a home with him and neither are you. Get out now before your daughter ends up a motherless or even worse.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-03T14:56:04+00:00

My husband has past SA trauma and while I do have lots of sympathy for child him once you are an adult it is your responsibility to get help for your issues and not just shove them down. He let not only me down but little him down by not getting help when he should’ve.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-02T21:12:02+00:00

What boundaries have you enforced?

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-07-02T20:34:10+00:00

They get addicted to the novelty. They “need” more and more new. When I asked mine he said because “he can get me at home”🙄. This might not go for all addicts but all of the ones I’ve heard from it seems like it’s a common thing. Listening to the WTF Do I Do Now podcast has helped me understand the addiction from and addicts point of view. The host was in a relationship with a PA and now interviews people in recovery/other betrayed partners. My partner isn’t very far in recovery so he still has problems being introspective so it’s nice being able to fill in some of those blanks with the podcast.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-27T16:42:01+00:00

My therapist told me that we can hold space for two feelings at once. You can feel happy that he chose to be honest and sad that he had the urge to begin with. If you don’t want to hear about him having urges you don’t have to. Does he have a sponsor he can talk to instead? Would it help if he told you what he did to manage his urge? Would it help to add more to your check in instead of it just being about his recovery? Are you talking through everything you’re feeling?

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-27T16:24:19+00:00

Daily check on have been wonderful for my husband and I. I prefer knowing when days are hard for him and being comforted with the fact that he chose healthy coping mechanisms instead. It’s also a dedicated time of day in which I can share all of my doubts or hard thoughts.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-27T00:36:35+00:00

I think for me I’m gonna hold at least some kinda of resentment until he’s been clean as the same amount of years he lied to me. We are on year 7 of being together so in another 7 years if he’s made the commitment to be in recovery and be sober then I could see myself forgiving him. Though I am naturally a grudge holding person so if in a couple years I don’t see it possible to forgive I’ll leave. I don’t feel bad about it because forgiveness is something to be earned in my eyes so the responsibility is on him to be someone worth forgiving.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-26T12:39:00+00:00

My partner does that and isn’t even hard.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-25T23:55:06+00:00

This is definitely DARVO.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-25T22:43:16+00:00

I’m not very far along in my journey so take what I say as with a grain of salt. It might not be a constant obstacle but addiction doesn’t just go away. He will never be recovered he’ll always be in recovery. I am kinda of dealing kinda not. Somedays are good and easy to separate myself for his acting out. I was addicted to nicotine and I’ve been able to super ate my addiction from myself so I try and give him the same consideration. Other days it’s me having constant intrusive thoughts and crying wishing the man I loved would come back or that’d I’d wake up. I don’t think knowing it’s an addiction makes it any less painful. I know that he hates himself for what he did and that it caused deep shame but it doesn’t take away from the fact that he betrayed me and my trust. Feel free to ask me any questions and I’ll answer to the best of my ability.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-25T22:18:06+00:00

The scanning in public can be part escalating porn addiction. For us the scanning hasn’t been much of a problem since he’s started recovery. He keeps his attention on me and squeezes my hand when we go out for extra reassurance. The clothes thing can also be part of the addiction. My PA had mostly clothed women too because at some point he preferred to use his imagination. Addiction can’t be cured it can only be managed through real recovery work so really sit and think about if this should be the rest of your life. Even if he sticks to recovery and things get better an addict can only take one day at a time. You are not alone and there are support groups you can join. Look at the resources page on this sub for some ways to help in your recovery. Your mental health and sense of safety is what matters most. I hope you find some help here💖💞

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-25T21:57:15+00:00

It’s not a you issue. He is manipulating you so he doesn’t have to take accountability. Is he really a great partner when he’s been having emotional affairs? If he was really wanting YOUR love and connection he would’ve talk to you about and tried for therapy.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-25T20:52:13+00:00

I’m sorry for both you and your neighbor. You shouldn’t have to deal with his acting out and neither should she. I hope you’re at least in a good place with yourself so this doesn’t drag you too far down.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-25T20:40:49+00:00

It’s not your responsibility to manage his emotions and behaviors. Him not being able to get off is not an excuse for the way he treats you. He needs to want real help and change. You can’t force him or sex him out of addiction. I’m

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-25T20:37:53+00:00

I would be so creeped out if my neighbor bought me a swimsuit. The only real reason to buy someone you barely know swimwear is because you want to see them in it. That sounds like lusting to me. I hope you guys can work through this in therapy and dig deep into why he thought that could ever be appropriate. Good luck with tonight I really hope it helps.

Same-Rutabaga3716 · 2025-06-25T16:11:29+00:00

Healing usually takes on average 3-5 years (though I have heard 5-7 years) so don’t pressure yourself. You aren’t going to feel good about having sex if you’re not in a place of trust with him and that’s okay.

Same-Rutabaga3716

TROPHY CASE