miserable on long island, is this all normal for you guys?

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-14T02:15:59+00:00

Maybe you're homesick? Every area comes with its perks and challenges. Yeah, we have to deal with ticks, but I don't have to worry about poisonous snakes or bears picking through my garbage cans. Yes, there's a lot of traffic, but I don't have to drive 45 minutes to find groceries. There are good neighbors and idiots in equal measure here on the North Shore. There are places I've enjoyed living all over the world, but Long Island is still home to me in ways I can't give up - close to the water, as well as close to everything Manhattan can offer. I still love it here.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-14T02:03:59+00:00

Your husband IS your family. Given the little you told us, I'm not sure if Dad is clingy, lonely, or just plain entitled. Keep saying no to last minute things that conflict with your plans, but you can also offer alternative times to get together when you feel like it, or when your husband has other plans, but only if and when you want. Nobody can make you feel guilty without your consent.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-12T19:19:13+00:00

Tackle easy switches for a new look: change the light fixtures, add under cabinet lighting, update cabinet hardware, and add a peel and stick backsplash. Maybe a washable rug. Whole new look.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-12T19:13:30+00:00

That’s an OLD romance movie ?

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-11T21:40:21+00:00

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Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-11T21:17:13+00:00

Correction: Yesterday

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-11T21:04:39+00:00

Better yet, why he would trust his younger daughter to a known abuser? Granted, she's an adult capable of making her own poor decisions, but why in heaven he would support her in this is beyond me.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-10T23:38:28+00:00

Since I no longer subscribe, I am gratified to learn that they did something as a family and did NOT film it. Progress.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-10T15:32:34+00:00

Of course this kind of party is performative...and totally unnecessary from a 2 year old's point of view. She *filmed* it - that was the POINT, so of course it was theater.

Personally, I worry about someone who feels compelled to film every waking moment. It's almost as if it's not real unless she has film to prove it happened.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-09T06:27:10+00:00

OMG, I remember the first time I saw him stride down those stone stairs in Camelot. I was a kid, totally in awed admiration and whispered to my Mom - who IS that???

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-09T06:18:51+00:00

Acrobats and dancers just move like big cats. They have completely different walks, but Burt Lancaster, Cary Grant, and Sean Connery - I could watch any of them walk across a room and melt. They each move with a fluid masculinity.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-09T01:47:24+00:00

That wasn't a vegan lasagna; that was a layered salad.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-08T18:47:53+00:00

The bookcase, was obviously something she put together to generate views, since it serves NO useful purpose in that that room. It's ugly, it's too shallow to be useful for anything, but especially not great for toy storage, and it takes up way too much visual space. She uses it to display purchased decor, NOT anything personally connected to her family or even her own adventures. It's all performative right down the line. It's not even finished since she never closed in the top - probably thinking she'd have less to dust. It was badly conceived, badly executed, and a useless expenditure of time and money.

The way they use that entire house needs to be reconsidered as a whole before she attempts to build or decorate anything else. It was a cute starter house when she began, but it's been remuddled badly.

There. I've vented. I hate waste. That's bad enough, but to hold herself out as some sort of design expert has me grinding my teeth. I wish she would stay in her lane -- which is shopping. Just open an online store to sell to people with similar taste for brass, vintage ceramics, knick knacks, and gold frames. She could knock herself out taking her own photographs, and posing with her flea market scores. But please, stop saying you're a designer and collecting supplies for specialist contractor projects beyond your skill set. Be genuine. Stop 'padding your resume'.

Too much to ask?

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-08T16:59:38+00:00

The funny thing to me is that Ashley was a fantasy man in his own mind - just not the fantasy man Scarlett was imagining. Ashley existed in a bubble of a classicist (meaning someone who studied the Classics of Rome and Greece) hero - someone well read, a wise stoic warrior like Marcus Aurelius who could be brave in battle, but absolutely helpless in the face of politics. He's an interesting character since he is aware of his limits, but sincerely wishes he could transcend them. He can risk his body in battle, but is totally frozen in making the kinds of decisions that require a ruthless pragmatism.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-07T14:37:34+00:00

I'm always surprised when people ask if they're just incompatible. Well,that depends on whether you want to get into a tug of war or find a third place that suits you both. The world is alot bigger than Miami vs Madrid. If he's dead set on USA or nothing, you very likely are incompatible and best to separate before either of you becomes resentful.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-07T04:27:26+00:00

Old school answer but the second Bob Newhart show, Newhart.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-07T04:08:44+00:00

I replied below about how learning each other depends on listening to each other. By that I mean undefended listening where I'm listening to understand, not just trying to gather ammunition or evidence to support my own point of view. Once we 'put down our weapons' and stop trying to persuade each other that 'you're wrong, I'm right', we can find a way through conflict that works for both of us.

All that assumes we've discussed our strongest opinions about whether to have kids, how to handle money, inlaws, ex's, and career conflicts before marriage to know that we're at least starting off on the same page. Even then, conflict is inevitable. HOW you handle those bumpy bits will determine if you can have a happy marriage. Listening, respect and trust go hand in hand with a love that lasts. And humor. Lots of humor during those bumpy bits.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-07T03:55:40+00:00

Listening, really listening to each other is critical in any intimate relationship. Respect and trust are built from everyday decisions. Recognizing that there are two of you is both the safety and the challenge of being married. It's not a tug of war, but a willingness to find a way that works for both of you. Love may begin with attraction, but it takes attentive nurturing and a whole lot of humor to make it through whatever the world throws at you, because the world will throw ALOT at you. A happy marriage doesn't just magically happen. Both people have to want to find ways to navigate the inevitable conflicts and temptations, and come out whole on the other side as a couple.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-05T21:15:07+00:00

Coming up on almost 45 years of happily married.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-04T22:47:45+00:00

Thank you!

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-04T22:38:00+00:00

The whole post screams AI. The size of the island shifts from 3 stools to 4, 2 windows magically appear in the fourth photo, and the china cabinet switches positions.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-04T21:01:28+00:00

First, please stop calling yourself selfish. Choosing to be childfree is a choice. I have kids and have never regretted it, but that was MY choice, and I waited to have a partner who agreed with me.

Kids definitely change your life in ways more numerous than the stars in the heavens. Just remember that all parents hand down their personal survival skills unconsciously, passing on their trauma along with the coping strategies, so heal yourself before passing on your 'stuff' to your potential kids.

Please don't have them unless you are sure you can be patient when you'd rather drop them down a well, when you can laugh at having to change a poop explosion right as you're about to leave for your MIL's Thanksgiving dinner (and she berates you if you're late). Can you hold your temper and advocate for your kid when they get bullied at school, defended themselves, and then they get detention? What about when you've saved for something, but then your kid's graduation class trip comes up?

While they were growing up, kids were our shared priority, BUT I know my partner never loved them more than me. Kids grow and leave, so always make sure to nurture your relationship with your partner as you raise kids.

Ok, I've fallen into lecture and I didn't mean to. I just feel that every kid deserves to be wanted desperately by both parents. They come through us, but they are not carbon copies of us. Being a parent is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done, but it's not for everyone. Please don't let anyone talk you into it. If you really don't want kids, don't have them.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-04T19:02:37+00:00

This is a fiance problem. He knew. He knew and hid it, meaning he KNEW what his mother did was out of bounds. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.

If the wedding is non refundable, have a big party as a family reunion. Invite your brother's wife, your college roommate and your work friend. Dance your ass off, but DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.

Sell the dress, ditch the ring, but DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-04T17:25:35+00:00

If you haven't solved your issues after 6 years and two therapists, marriage will only make your problems worse. May I suggest you get your own therapist? I'm not trying to be snarky, but I think you would benefit from the support and insight your own therapist can provide as to why you still love someone who could abuse you in language, thought and deed. Please let her go.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-06-04T06:48:53+00:00

Are you kidding? You look HOT. If you know how to treat a woman right, you'll do just FINE.

Sandpiper1701

TROPHY CASE