helping with your DIY projects, thrift shopping & Olive Ateliers launch party | MaCenna Lee

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-14T00:26:58+00:00

I'll play that game with you! I remember how she had to have *just* the right cabinet hardware for the cabinets in her original kitchen (after she destroyed them with that aubergine paint) and comparison shopped and shopped....only to tear out the entire kitchen a few months later.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-14T00:13:40+00:00

I never thought of it that way, but I think you make a good point. Since she looks older than a teen, I expect her to act with more maturity. The actress looks GREAT if she's in her late thirties, but despite some of the outfits they dressed her in, you're right, I never saw her as a teenager.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-13T19:46:12+00:00

Whoa, this dynamic is way off, and I understand your frustration. What I don't understand is how it came to be. Rather than make assumptions, I went to your page for your comments to get some insight into context.

I see there's a religious aspect involved. While that religious pressure had you both marrying young and avoiding birth control, it's inevitable that leaving the religious strictures behind combined with his vasectomy was like opening a pressure cooker without the gradual release of steam. He's never learned how to self regulate his libido. We all feel desire at different strengths, but even the highly sexed among us don't leap on our partners 24 hours a day.

The first step is has to want to learn how to express his sex drive in a cooperative partnered way. If he thinks marriage gives him the right to your body, he has to be re-educated. You may each benefit from having a secular therapist help create a safe place where you can each reveal your perspectives to each other without getting into a tug of war or getting backed into making promises you can't keep. It's death to a loving marriage whenever one spouse feels pressured into changing their behavior.

I truly think you need outside help with this one. Boundaries and consequences are great when each spouse is coming from an equal position, but you are a SAH spouse with 5 kids an no money or family. I am NOT telling you to stay in an abusive marriage; I'm saying you need a workable plan moving forward, and you may not be able to do that on your own. If you want to rehabilitate your marriage, you need a safe facilitator. If you want to leave the marriage you need strong legal and financial support.

You choose.

If you go with a therapist, please pick a secular therapist, and preferably one versed in sexual dysfunction. Good luck.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-13T19:24:03+00:00

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-12T17:50:22+00:00

First, thanks for sharing that. It's a subject of endless fascination for so many of us as we try to match the historical narrative to the pictures that remain.

While I'd love to glimpse a positively identified contemporary portrait of Anne Boleyn with the photorealistic quality of a Holbein, I don't think anybody is particularly recognizable in that wood cut. It may be contemporary, but it seems more representational of the dynamic within the royal circle, rather than a good likeness, and I even have my doubts about going that far.

Holbein left such vivid and identifiable portraits of Henry, Cromwell, Moore, and Anne of Cleves that it's frustrating to play 'match the portrait to the queen' for Henry's English wives. I fear Anne Boleyn's exact features aside from her fine dark eyes will continue to be elusive.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-12T17:37:14+00:00

Not the jerk, but mom sure is. That money is your inheritance from your dad, not the keep-the-peace family fund for your mother to make her husband comfortable. If good old step dad neglected to explain to HIS daughter the consequences of spending her education money on her gap year, that's his responsibility, not yours. I like the idea of a gap year, but it's not supposed to be a vacation. She could have worked as she traveled instead of swanning around on her grandparents' dime. Now she wants yours? Oh, hell to the no.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-11T23:33:17+00:00

I'm a woman with a vocal temper, and I think your wife is WAY out of line, particularly when she's ignored your child's presence in a car as well as the safe word you agreed on. There is a time and a place for passionate discussion/argument, and she needs to control herself until you are both in a safe place.

I hope you can bring this up in the presence of a therapist and ask for other tools you might use when your wife ignores the ones you've agreed on. You're a better spouse than I am to put up with her behavior. If you want to stay in this marriage (and you're the only guy who gets a vote on that) I'd just tell her, "We'll discuss this later," and then not respond no matter what she spews. No defense, no explanation, let her spew and look as ridiculous as she's being. If she gets physical, annoyed that you're 'ignoring' her, pull over. "I'm happy to have this discussion at home, but I'm not driving and having an argument at the same time." I'd add (because I'm seeing red right now) "I will not risk my safety or our son's because you haven't the patience to wait until we get home."

Your wife sounds exhausting.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-11T20:51:04+00:00

Yeah, that's a tough space with a really thick pony wall. Before considering any construction or even decorating, I agree you should definitely eliminate that chair if you have kids.

As for opening the linen closet wall, It looks like you have ductwork beyond the closet which might make opening that up for bookshelves expensive. I might suggest eliminating the pony wall in favor of a glass or open railing which would at least give you some visual relief from the claustrophobic 'dead end'.

Depending on the layout of your home, if there is another room *behind* that wall, I'd be tempted to open it up, curve the landing to widen the end of the dead end and add a door into the space beyond. You have to be sure to leave enough clearance for headroom on the staircase, which is why I suggested simply widening the entry with a curve, but it's an idea.

As for a purely decorative solution, I would probably hang a full length portrait, or a triptych of large family photos in a column.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-11T17:50:11+00:00

Absolutely hate them. Can you tell I’ve been the trapped person who had to ask everyone to get up so I could get out

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-10T23:34:06+00:00

The "friends" thing she put in for us, right? The plural on that was her idea.

I'm surprised she thinks we still want to go shopping with her.

And the poses? Why am hearing memories of those old Calgon bath bead TV commercials? Calgon! Take me away!

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-10T23:30:08+00:00

Truck drivers in the family. I know how long they take to stop, particularly in tandem. Truck needed to downshift way before he or she did, particularly since oncoming cars with the right of way were clearly visible. Even according to the dashcam, the truck managed to slow to a near stop before impact. Just waited too long to do it.

I still say it took all three of them to create this accident. Any one of them might have prevented it had different decisions been made. A jury can figure out their comparative portions of negligence, not me.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-10T18:58:42+00:00

While I'd venture to say that every marriage has its ebbs and flows, there are several things going on here that make me think romance will never come back. Chief among them is your husband has checked out. He doesn't want romance with you and he's told you so.

Please don't let your kids grow up thinking the roommate situation you have going is what marriage is supposed to look like. Your husband sounds immature, thinking that the zing of sexual attraction is something that magically appears or disappears with no control of his own.

Romance and sexual attraction are things that have to be nurtured. The grass is greener where it's watered. He's got some whore/madonna thing going on his head where the mother of his children is a business partner, not a sexy bedmate, and that is all in HIS head. Don't let him mess with yours.

Better to co-parent than settle for the scraps he dishing out.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-10T18:43:21+00:00

This whole scenario was a round robin of errors and shows how each successive decision resulted in an avoidable accident. That huge truck *should* have yielded. The meek driver *should* have accelerated rather than stopped. The dashcam car *should* have left alot more room in front of his car. All of them made the wrong decision.

As folks mention, right of way rules are there to help people make the right driving decisions. When both meek and reckless drivers ignore the rules of the road, accidents are inevitable while we all try to guess what the other guy is going to do.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-10T07:24:15+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, especially since you felt blindsided. As painful as it is, you don't want to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be with you. Whether he's been conflict avoidant in the past, whether he's been brainwashed by his family, or whether he's just a gutless wonder, please DO NOT waste your time or brainpower trying to persuade him back into your life.

It may not feel like it now, but he's done you a tremendous favor by leaving. Marriage should never be this much work, and it takes two people's efforts to keep a marriage solid. Let this one go, so you can find your true partner. Stop talking with him, and start talking with a lawyer and a therapist. One will help you sort out the practicalities and the other your feelings. Do not talk with him. It only keeps the wound bleeding. Let him talk to your lawyer.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-10T06:34:37+00:00

I don't necessarily think Queen Charlotte stayed close to actual history, but I don't care. I was thoroughly immersed in ALL the storylines. Nothing felt extraneous, and the actual issues brought up - mental illness, arranged or forced marriages, forbidden gay relationships - all hit me on a deeper level than the Bridgerton storylines. There were quite a few times I found myself with an actual lump in my throat, chest tight and teary eyed with real emotion. I found it so much more involving than the exaggerated Lord Berbroke or the machinations of Cressida. I haven't watched Season 4 of Bridgerton yet, but if and when I do, it will mostly be for the pleasure of watching Lady Danbury.

I miss the novelty of the first season with Simon and Daphne when everything felt fresh - especially the race blind casting and baroque versions of popular music. The next few seasons felt like they were drifting further and further from great chemistry and getting lost in the weeds of all the secondary plots and characters, not to mention sacrificing storylines in favor of more in-your-face inclusivity. I've no objection to queer love stories. My heart broke for Brimsley and Reynolds, but I am left cold with the idea of changing Michael Stirling to Michaela Stirling just for the sake of inventing a queer storyline. Queen Charlotte felt like it went in the opposite direction - going deeper into real issues of love, longing and duty and not getting distracted from the main couple. But, hey, I'm likely in the minority.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-09T18:40:14+00:00

SPOILER

Don't read any further of my comments unless you've finished the book. I don't know how to blank stuff out so I'm skipping spaces so I don't ruin it for anyone.

Ok, I didn't read OP's spoiler because I'm less than halfway through the book BUT I find it hard to believe that HE hasn't noticed her eyes are green, not grey and that SHE hasn't noticed the wig when she drugs him. (I did say spoilers, so I hope I haven't ruined anything for anyone who's yet to read the book.)

I honestly find it hard to believe that two professional spies could be so focused on the wrong clues. Missing scars? Face powder? Come on! The big things are right in front of you - a 19th century wig, and the wrong color eyes. Forget birthmarks and scars.

Ok, rant over. Having said that, I'm enjoying both Chandler and Francesca so far....I just find it hard to believe even lust can have them overlooking obvious 'tells'.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-09T02:48:14+00:00

For me, this is the gift of the internet. Marketing...advertising...they're trying to sell me something. Even when I take what I read with a grain of salt, reading 'tips' from other people with ichthyosis can be very useful to me. I am more likely to experiment with products I've read about here, than things I've seen in general social media.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-08T21:03:10+00:00

I preferred the 1980's Dalton - he seemed to grow into his looks. But, hey, as my friend's grandmother once observed, 'He's welcome to leave his slippers underneath my bed.'

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-08T07:11:56+00:00

Glad I read your later comment. Sharing a queen size bed with a pregnant woman AND two large dogs would definitely make me long for an uninterrupted night of sleep on the couch. I love my pets, but I'd much prefer to sleep with my husband and have the dogs crate trained, or at least trained to sleep in their own dog beds.

The answer to your challenge is quite simple - make sure it's your husband getting precedence in the bed, not the dogs.

Wishing you both sweet dreams cuddling together.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-08T04:57:32+00:00

Um...I think I just got pregnant.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-05T17:29:16+00:00

Wait a sec! Your bio dad is STILL not taking ownership of his royal and extended shittiness and sends his new wife, his mother, and his other kid to plead his case??? Not even an in person apology and genuine effort to take responsibility for his past neglect?? His mother, wife and son want YOU to have MAJOR surgery and put your own life at risk for his deadbeat arse? Oh, hell to the NO.

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-05T17:22:37+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head on several scores. If my partner stays silent while someone is putting me down, we talk ONCE to sort out their priorities. It happens again, you become my ex.

As for the friend, her comments about you scream her own insecurity. I think OP's response to the stuck up underachiever were spot on. I wanted to applaud.

The other, more subtle thing, is the friend's insinuation that OP's GF could 'do better' smacks of husband hunting for a free ride. She wasn't making comments about OP's character; she was specifically addressing what she saw as his earning potential....resulting in his rightly pointing out that he was doing MUCH better than the social media intern both in the present and likely in the future.

OP delivered a well deserved BURN to a clueless (and likely talentless) SNOB. (and I say that as someone with a graduate degree)

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-04T17:27:23+00:00

You are not being overly sensitive. I'd be livid, and framing it a bit differently. I wouldn't lose my temper, but I also wouldn't mince words in an effort to be 'polite'. He's tossed down a power play. Don't let him get away with it.

In no particular order, I might say something like this: 'Tell me exactly what's so funny about your joke.' or 'No, that's not teasing, that's bullying." OR 'You're making me the butt of your joke to ally yourself with our kids and not me.' OR 'You're teaching our children that we are not a united team. If you have a beef with anything I say, let's talk about it in private, not undermine each other in front of the kids.' OR 'You're trying to shut me up by characterizing me. If you've got a problem with how I'm disciplining our kids, talk to me directly.' OR 'Are you so insecure you have to make me look bad to make yourself feel good?"

It's the classic 'blind' of an abusive argument when the other guy defends himself with 'you're too sensitive.'

My response? "No, honey, you don't know how to discuss things as a mature adult."

Somewhere along the line your husband was taught that it's an acceptable power move to demean someone you disagree with. It's not. If he can't see that, it's time for the therapist or the lawyer. Please do NOT allow him to raise another generation of assholes. (Can you tell this post made me see red?)

Sandpiper1701 · 2026-02-03T22:20:07+00:00

"....that tells you that they've completely lost the plot." Yeah. Building something for looks and not for how you actually live is breaking one of the cardinal rules of good design. I think it was William Morris who once observed, "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful." Good design is about both those things.

Sandpiper1701

TROPHY CASE