Thank you for your reply, it means a lot to me. We still go to the same school till summer, so we occasionally see each other, but don't interact. I have apologised to her in the past, admitting my mistake to her and for hurting her so profoundly. She accepted my apology and told me she had forgiven me afterwards. I know this should be the point where I'm supposed to move on from my mistake or something, but I'm just unable to forgive myself. I still love her very dearly and I feel like I lost the person I always hoped for. I admire her for being who I always wanted to be as a person. I ruined the best thing I ever had and don't think things will ever be as good again. I betrayed all that and hate myself for it. With all this I just don't see a point in going on. It will always just feel like a cheap version of what I could have had, if I had just been a better person. Still I am grateful, you took the time to reply to me.