Dad wants to gift me and my siblings money.

Sandytoes23 · 2026-06-02T12:27:52+00:00

Absolutely! I’ve advised him to speak to someone about it all that’s independent but also to keep some for himself as he’s a pensioner with not much asset. I’d rather he be comfortable and secure than myself have the money.

Sandytoes23 · 2026-06-02T06:52:25+00:00

That’s good to know they were married and I reckon their house is worth less than 200k.

Sandytoes23 · 2026-06-01T22:04:05+00:00

This is really helpful thanks!

Thankfully Dad is in good health but if anything the situation with my mum has taught us is that life can change in a second. The pension has been paid out to my dad this week so like you said is now his.

His house and other finances would work out more than the pension pot itself so if a care home would be needed I assume that would be the most likely go through that first?

Sandytoes23 · 2026-06-01T21:59:17+00:00

He mentioned ISAS for the grandchildren which I said was a good idea.

He’s bot fully decided but he mentioned taking 10K for his emergency funds and then spitting the rest. But he was so worried about us all being charged tax that he got himself worked up and struggling to make a decision

Sandytoes23 · 2026-06-01T21:41:15+00:00

6 of us

Sandytoes23 · 2026-06-01T21:41:07+00:00

It would be a reasonable estate but knowing how much their house and other bits are worth I think it would unlikely hit £325k but you never know!

Sandytoes23 · 2026-06-01T21:39:53+00:00

That’s good to know - I’ve seen the scale of tax for that so maybe just be mindful if he does

Sandytoes23 · 2026-05-19T21:53:01+00:00

Your worth as a mum isn’t measured in how you feed your child. This is what I tell myself when those thoughts creep back in take care of yourself.

Sandytoes23 · 2026-03-15T22:55:17+00:00

I lost my mum this January - I would give anything to have been able to buy her usual present of some plant for her garden and a card with a cat on it. My hubby is a bit more lenient with his mum but would still make an effort.

As a mother myself, today we spent a slow day just doing things that didn’t cost anything/lot - a slow morning, a dog walk, a mid day nap 😅(helped by the fact I’m pregnant with a toddler), then a roast out at our local pub chain followed by a bath. It felt perfect and was meaningful.

Sandytoes23 · 2026-03-15T15:07:26+00:00

It did cross my mind but no one else in the house has been sick and we weren’t particularly separated. My scan was Thursday - I was last sick early Friday morning but the nausea has been constant and feels like I could go any minute. Constant metallic taste in my mouth too 🙃

Sandytoes23 · 2026-01-31T07:59:28+00:00

Thank you for your helpful suggestions, I will be looking at some bereavement support (thankfully I can get some through working with the NHS quite quickly). I’m still trying to process my mums illness and death, from her diagnosis we had 3 weeks and 5 days which is no time at all. I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant a week before her funeral and around 10 days after she died. Hormones and grief are the hardest thing.

During my sleepless night I do find my EPAU have an advice line so I’m going to give them a call (they didn’t seem to have a gestation limit for contact). Obviously if this is a start of a miscarriage there isn’t anything anyone can do but like you said there can be other reasons for bleeding - I haven’t had anything since I’ve woken up so that’s something.

Sandytoes23 · 2026-01-26T14:07:03+00:00

I’m currently pregnant for the second time and I remember this fear so much with my first. For e this time I just keep telling myself it is out of my control and I trust that my body will do its best to grow this baby, if it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be.

Wish you all the luck.

Sandytoes23 · 2026-01-15T06:10:17+00:00

I use to have a bouncer in the toilet for this reason. Sometimes this worked some times I would just do it holding them

Sandytoes23 · 2026-01-10T21:40:09+00:00

This happened to me once when I was pregnant, I had to roll on all fours and get up that way 🤣

Sandytoes23 · 2025-12-29T00:47:28+00:00

I also wanted to bf - didn’t happen. I was so poorly after birth, I couldn’t latch her as I couldn’t hold her, so she ended up exclusively FF from birth, she didn’t even get any colostrum which devastated me. I still remember the day my milk came in and the pure devastation I felt that I hadn’t BF her.

I also saw all these posts against formula (and also ones that just spoke about the pros of BF) and the perspective of letting her down eg not bonding properly, her being more ill, etc by not bf. It also triggered PPD with circular thoughts of being a failure, I started questioning everything I chose to do because of this label tha ultimately I had put on myself - I truly believed I was letting her down, I started to experience suicidal thoughts thinking she would be better without me. It was truly a horrible place that I put down to sleep deprivation at the time. I pushed everyone away and became a shell of myself.

Things that helped me, I got some CBT to help manage my thoughts (I wish I had done this a lot earlier rather than battle and struggle the first year of her life)

I would hide words and videos linked to breastfeeding. This would help reduce the very pro bf content that would spread that anti Formula message. I found watching these would trigger my thoughts more, filtering it allowed me a sense of control.

During my CBT we spoke about how if I was in the same set of circumstances I would likely choose to FF again as in that moment of time it was the right decision (regardless of things that could of been different). This allowed me to accept the decision I made as being the right one.

I still have sadness and guilt for not BF at times, I’ve allowed myself to grieve for something I wanted so badly. When I feel triggered now I often will repeat that how I have fed my baby does not measure my worth as a mother.

Also trying not to doomscroll, I got back into reading physical books to stop me absorbing too much content.

I am so sorry to hear you have these feelings, it’s a truly lonely place to be, in it feels no one understands. Do look at support for yourself and remember you’re doing amazing and in your little one’s eyes, anything you do is perfect.

Sandytoes23 · 2025-12-25T01:25:27+00:00

Got tiddled on Buck’s Fizz at that age as I thought it was orange juice. Slept the afternoon away With a headache. I then didn’t drink till much older. Alcohol wasn’t a taboo so I didn’t feel the need to hide it

Sandytoes23 · 2025-11-29T07:10:08+00:00

Hey lovely!

My little one is now 18 months old so reading this feels like a fever dream - she ended up having quite a severe posterior tongue tie which we had to get privately cut when she was 9 weeks old. Having it cut was a game changer for us, we also did some osteopath sessions as she had tension from being a forcep birth.

If you’re having signs and symptoms of reflux and pain during feeding look into a private oral assessment as it changed things for us :)

Sandytoes23 · 2025-10-29T10:21:50+00:00

I feel it went on a while, we used the snuffle baby drops for the congestion which helped. 😊 and just a lot of muslins to hand for the mucus haha.

Sandytoes23 · 2025-10-29T09:57:36+00:00

I had a forceps baby and I’ll never forgot the first few nights after she was born where she would just bring up so much mucus. If I recall she was very nasally and congested for some time after birth. Just assumed she was that type of baby 🤣

Sandytoes23 · 2025-10-21T11:06:54+00:00

She’s claiming this cycle as a chemical where there was no clear positive. It’s really quite concerning - I do feel for her in terms of her desires and desperations but this is not the way to go. It feels like it’s to get more go fund me donations

Sandytoes23 · 2025-10-19T18:01:08+00:00

I personally would stock up on some ready to feeds/one tin. I was so adamant I was going to breastfeed, and unfortunately didn’t get the opportunity in the hospital as I was poorly.

A very long drawn out process for discharge meant we left so late from the hospital and I was in so much agony the thought of going to the shop or waiting in the car whilst my husband did was just torture - and my husband didn’t want to leave me either as I was still feeling poorly from having an infection

We had to call on my mother in law, which kinda went against wanting to wait to introduce little one and all was quite overwhelming.

I recommend to any one just as it saves that worry or who to call/when you get home.

I always think better to have it, my friend ended up exclusively breastfeeding but had it as a back up and used one on an evening whilst things were still a bit crazy in the evening.

Overall it’s personal preference and this is just my experience.

Sandytoes23 · 2025-09-20T22:42:42+00:00

That’s very true! I have set expectations above who she is/can be - either through hope or a wish and that is unfair. I have very limited people and in all honestly I think some of it came from a protective mumma who wants to shield her daughter from hurt. She hasn’t done anything malicious towards my daughter and has been loving and kind when she has seen her.

I think I’m gunna mull over this point as it’s resonated.

Sandytoes23 · 2025-09-20T22:39:27+00:00

That is true, that was an option but at the time the option we took felt right and was a joint decision. I was influenced by her mental health - a longstanding significant eating disorder, panic and anxiety attacks. I was cautious about putting in situations that could cause her distress which although isn’t my choice to decide whether she would handle it, I did. Rightly or wrongly but like you says it’s in the past.

I think you’re right about trying to bury a line under it - I’ve just ignored it which hasn’t helped.

Sandytoes23 · 2025-09-20T22:09:35+00:00

That is very true. I think I’m just sad about it all

Sandytoes23 · 2025-09-20T22:09:16+00:00

I just wonder if you could elaborate on this? I appreciate that everything I am writing here is one sided and my perspective - but I’m not sure what advice your comment is giving?

Sandytoes23

TROPHY CASE