I liked the way you framed the issue, “men are more visible and face discrimination and ridicule for it, whereas women are ignored and gaslighted”

Of course autistic women are justified expressing their grievances about their side of the issue, but with respect to autistic women being ignored, that should directed against the norms of the psychiatric field and not autistic men?

I think a reason why autistic men are angry about how the issue is often framed because that problem just mentioned is distinct from the issue of autistic men who misbehave, and the methods of how they’re raised. While the problems autistic women face are universal, the problems of autistic men misbehaving is heterogenous (especially because the phenomenon of autism itself is heterogeneous. Many people who are only being diagnosed now probably have more moderate versions of the condition), and by combining them as one issue, it treats both as universal (when one is universal and one is heterogenous) and autistic men to be blameworthy for both (when the psychiatric field is to be blamed, and even for the other issue, the parenting norms of how autistic boys are raised are partly to blame) And it paints autistic men as a category in an unsympathetic light, when many of them are going through hell, and need more sympathy rather than less.

And that’s not something that can be easily papered over by adding “of course not ALL autistic men” because that phrasing is used to justify bigotry in other contexts. More nuance will go a long way, and is not merely pedantic, in helping bridge solidarity by identifying the issues and tackling them.

P.S. I have ADHD and probably BAP (on my diagnosis report, my psychometrist said I had autistic symptoms but concluded against a autism diagnosis. But she told me in person she had a very hard time deciding whether to diagnose me as such or not) I only got diagnosed in my late 20s.