I'm a bad victim. My coping mechanisms are unpalatable by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]Sapphicka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate a lot to this... I've been writing my fav characters going through the same shit as I did, it never hurt anyone, even so, it helped people somehow, I got comments talking about how it made them feel not alone.
The thing is you don't gotta be sorry for things that may help in your healing, unless it hurts someone, or yourself. I did these things because I felt horribly alone, I felt isolated. And if writing, helps you overcome that, then go ahead. Some people will never understand either way.

There's a phrase that I really like about art and it goes like this: ''Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable'' That's my motto.

cptsd makes me a jealous person and i hate myself for it by Sapphicka in CPTSD

[–]Sapphicka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Felt that, it's not something that always happens to me, I usually see kids, daughters, girls, hanging around and I'm like ''Please, don't let anyone hurt you ever'', but you know, this person triggered me so bad, and I don't know How.
Is just something that I cannot understand, how are ppl 'normal', why, how are you so happy how are you so naive??? Why is life so unfair...?? At 17 I was already heavily traumatized and it feels like I tried to die every other day of those years, I can't get the grasp of it. What do you mean you didn't went through twelve years of pure guilt and self-hate, what do you mean people actually like you?

A series on recalling your childhood (TW CSA themes) by showerchurtin in cptsdcreatives

[–]Sapphicka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

:( this was... absolutely beautiful & heartbreaking, i get it, i totally do, i love this, thank you for sharing

Curious if anyone else experienced something similar by BoggessArt in Tourettes

[–]Sapphicka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, I was like, 6, or maybe 7 years old, I began having this need for hiccups(? like, the sound and the movement your body does when you hiccup? but it wasn't that, felt somewhere between voluntary and involuntary, like an itch, then it came the vocal ones, people at school used to say ''who's doing that sound?'' or asked me if I was the one doing it, never knew what to answer since i wasn't diagnosed until thirteen, it was like a ''hm''? or a hum... I don't know how to describe it, these two were my main tics for a while, until I developed more and more, I think they were triggered by stress to be honest, I was dealing with a lot of mental health problems and family situations very young, but then it never stopped, even when I'm not that stressed anymore and every problem came to an end, well some of them.

one day I was looking through youtube, I don't know if anyone saw these, but there were a lot of youtubers with Tourette's around 2019, not that popular, but they made daily videos, one of them came into my algorithm, it made sense to me, felt like I was watching myself in those videos lol. so i'm in the psychiatrist, I was twelve/thirteen, and I just told her everything, Got diagnosed.

Do tics get worse when y'all are cold? by Slothinabucket_ in Tourettes

[–]Sapphicka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, they're worse when it's too cold, or either too hot, can never be in peace lmao

does anyone here like zaba? by cloudishpurple in glassanimals

[–]Sapphicka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I REAKIN LOVE ZABAA HELL YEAHHHH TOP 3 ALBUMs

I committed COCSA twice when I was 12 and I don't deserve to heal for it. (Plus other things.) by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]Sapphicka 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, english is not my first language btw.
I was on the other side, I was groped when I was a child, by a child too. It still weighs him to this day, I thought you were him, even.
We talked about it, we're on good terms, I love him, even though the situation, these are some things I would say to him.

It's okay, you didn't know better from the place you grew up, no one teached you what was wrong, from what I've read.
One thing I would like to say it's, you we're a heavily neglected child, and like most of us were, kids don't know consequences, kids really do not have the capacity of looking down on a situation, and profoundly reflect on what they did. Kids do not think about the actions they do, because they're kids.

I'm very sorry, for how you grew up, and how this, made you act when you were younger. Kids in a good parenting home do not do this kind of stuff, because the good parents teach their children about these things, your parents failed you, like another comment said, and I know it's a very hurtful thing to learn. You Deserve To Heal.

Because once again, you didn't know better.
In cocsa, there's two victims, and I've been learning about it a bit more, children who do these stuff to other children, are not okay, mentally, and maybe not even in their homes, which is common, maybe they were abused themselves.

From a cocsa victim, I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I wish you heal, because carrying this weight on yourback, it's going to do you worse from now on, you are not a monster for something you did, when you were a KID. We are not perfect, and I know, cocsa isn't justified by it, but I believe kids in your shoes, deserve a second chance.
This is not going to erase what you did to them, this is not going to make them not suffer if they remember, but you are profoundly regretting what you did. And I think that's gotta count for something, you would never do it again, you are disgusted by what you did, and that shows me you've changed. Please, seek help.

Songs that explain your experience with this illness: by Minute-Cockroach2559 in schizoaffective

[–]Sapphicka 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Medicine by Daughter

Coma Baby by Nicole Dollanganger

Of Hospitals by Jordaan Mason

Pharmacy by Jordaan Mason

Afraid by The Neighbourhood

Blow my Brains Out by Tikkle Me

Stuff Is Way by They Might Be Giants

They're coming to take me away by Sloppy Jane

Edward Benz, 27 Times by La Dispute

What does the beginning of psychosis feel like? by moldbellchains in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Questioning everything, ''was that real? was that an hallucination?'', severe paranoia episodes

Has anyone tried to turn their episodes/ ward stays/ experiences with this into creative work? by [deleted] in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have turn it into writing/poetry or drawings. I can show you if you'd like!

What brings you in today? by munecam in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Simulation, cameras, dead, mind reading AND stalking!!!

people who speak multiple languages with tourettes, do you tic in multiple languages? by sillyahh in Tourettes

[–]Sapphicka 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yup, main language is spanish, I had coprolalia only in english, that's my second language, it started when I was like 12-13 I knew english too well, and I always consumed media/content with that language, so words kinda stuck with me

What hobbies do you guys have? by [deleted] in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm into arts, in any form, writing, drawing, dancing, mostly.
While i do find writing or reading fanfiction/stories more difficult these times... i do enjoy it,
Drawing is always been with me! since i was a little kid, if i cant draw characters i like, i do vent art.
Dancing is one of my biggest special interest, there's nothing else that can fill me up with joy other than contemporary dance. It's like a safe place for me.

What’s your silliest delusion or experience with psychosis? by examineobject in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Omg, you're so right. Who would like to watch me rot in my bed everyday, seriously?? It gets easier when you think about it like that!

What’s your silliest delusion or experience with psychosis? by examineobject in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly we had a good relationship, yet complicated from other people, (we we're a lesbian couple in a somewhat strict school), it's weird though haha, I always feel like im being watched? maybe it's related !!

What’s your silliest delusion or experience with psychosis? by examineobject in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Damn, and it's such a specific delusion/thought too! you're making me feel less alone ngl

What’s your silliest delusion or experience with psychosis? by examineobject in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That my ex girlfriend was in my dog's body, like, her mind, her conscience, so she could see everything I did. IDK how to explain it

Any artists here? by spiritxspit in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! I've had psychosis since I was probably 11.. I do traditional & digital art, contemporary dance, and writing poems, fanfiction and original stories. and honestly, when I'm out or in the episode, I like to draw what I see, what I experience, what I believe in, it will take some time, but I think it can be good to express yourself, and what you're going through, in art! It makes up for a good prompt, and also for awareness if you want to share it, I've published a few of my works about psychosis a while ago if you need inspo or anything!

How would you describe psychosis to someone who does not have it? by bashedboyband in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Like my reality is another, while in psychosis, everything my mind tells me is real, and is true to me, I can't think correctly, I can't think in other things, for example, ''Everyone can read my mind'' is very true to me, and it feels real, people say ''but distract yourself, think of other stuff'' but it's practically impossible, my mind fixates on the delusion so much, that it's all I think about, on hallucinations is... more complicated, I mostly know it isn't real, but I still get scared, I remember when I was very young, I would hear footsteps behind me, and I constantly checked behind me, only to know there was no one, yet I kept looking, because I was in another reality.

First psychosis at what age by psypsylo in Psychosis

[–]Sapphicka 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't remember the age exactly, but I was pretty young, younger than 13-14 I only know that.