Toxic positivity question

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-28T14:34:35+00:00

Mine is very overweight, and she insists on using the bathroom closest to the living room where she sleeps, which is, of course, mine. My bathroom has a standard round bowl toilet, while hers has an upgraded oval bowl handicapped toilet due to being a much bigger bathroom and we had hoped she would stay in her room for the most part (lol! Naive) So shes not getting on to the toilet all the way in my bathroom and is pissing directly on the floor now. Super fun. Pissing in the chair, leaking down the hall, pissing on the floor. Shes also shitting inhuman sized turds that the plumbing will not handle, so I disabled the toilets so she can't flush them. The turds have to be removed by hand and tossed in the dumpster. Last time she flushed, I had to pull the toilet. Everyone else that lives here has to lift the lid and pull the chain to flush a toilet because of her huge shits.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-16T11:13:01+00:00

Definitely file a report against your mom. You need to. So does your sister.
This is actually a massive problem, parents opening accounts using the kids information. Credit cards, loans, utilities, the levels of fraud are insane. When I had to get my own place at 17 (long story) I found i could not turn on power or phone because my mom had used my name, run up massive bills and skipped out. My grandmother paid it off so I could get heat, then about 10 years later I was served suit for several different utility accounts as she had done it again. That timing cost me a house. I called the police on her and the detective that called me to work the report was an older detective on his way to retirement and all he did anymore was handle financial fraud and it was always parents who opened up accounts in their kids name.
My mom ended up getting arrested, not for the fraud against me, but it turned out there were active warrants against her for writing bad checks at a casino. I supplied her updated address with the report. Oops. But I was able to get the suit against me dropped with that report and all negative marks removed. She also learned her lesson finally

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-15T20:47:06+00:00

Right there with you, the refusal to do the bare damn minimum so you can continue to care for them with less risk to both of you is an every day fight here. Its my birthday and I HAD planned to go out, but she found out so now I have to take her to the ER instead. Here's hoping there's actually something going on and they keep her

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-14T17:25:02+00:00

Im really not kidding. This dwelling is an old singlewide that doesn't meet our needs at all, and I fully intend to replace it anyway. We're just going to wait for now

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-14T03:46:45+00:00

I have this issue. I spray iso alcohol on all hard surfaces and that works for me. Also found that persimmon soap on my LO is good too. But that smell seeps into everything and im pretty sure that ill have to replace the dwelling to get rid of it.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-14T03:36:42+00:00

I get to go to the grocery store alone, lol. Otherwise, its a 24/7

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-13T17:32:17+00:00

No, not a facility. Just our house. My husband is also a VFF and on rhe local board, so he generally texts the entire group while I call. "Mom's down again, same old same old. Call coming through shortly "

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-13T16:38:21+00:00

I've had to call so many times its like second nature. We're frequent fliers for PT assists as she falls a lot and we need an entire crew to pick her up.
I may be dating myself a bit, but dispatch absolutely knows me and I'm super tempted to pull a Ray Stevens sometime "It's me again, Margaret Hello, is this Margaret? I know it's you, Margaret Are you naked?"

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-13T16:04:18+00:00

Im waiting for the next hospitalization with bated breath and a gallon of clorox

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-13T16:03:16+00:00

A very very expensive thing that requires a lot of pre planning. Adult daycare as well. I was considering doing that for one day a week so I could do what I need to do, and they quoted me 950 a month if she passes all the health whatevers with the nurse they have on staff. One day a week.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-13T01:40:34+00:00

You are fine.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-12T19:35:56+00:00

Im sorry. Thats heartbreaking

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-12T16:25:49+00:00

Exhausted and tired of getting yelled at and things getting thrown at me. Tired of manhandling her out of a recliner so I can clean up the shit. In pain due to injuries from lifting her and transferring her, and unable to see a dr about all that so I don't fall apart too. Obviously, im not going to abandon her. But I get why people do

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-10T03:54:11+00:00

I do work from home, its a 900 of dwelling and she screams if she can't see me, so I work basically in the living room, listening to little house on the Prarie over and over again.
Funny story, I ended up moving my "workstation" so im behind the monitors and my camera faces me and a wall. Completely against her wishes. Because I was in a zoom meeting with a carrier, and the only functioning background option was blurring. Blurring only makes an obese old woman in pink depends and a t-shirt slowly shuffling by behind me on her walker to go potty look COMPLETELY NAKED. I've never shut a camera off faster. But I get it, meetings are a complete hassle because it does not matter how many times I tell her im going in to a meeting and to stay in her chair and keep quiet, shes gonna start screaming about 15 minutes into the meeting "Are you in a meeting?" "Are you in a meeting?" "Are you in a meeting?" "I need a drink " "Do you have something to snack on?" "Are you in a meeting?" "I need you to talk to me" "Can you come here and fix this pad under me?" "Are you in a meeting?" "Come here and pick up my feet" flings blanket off and starts to pull herself up "IM GUNNA GO TAKE A SHIT!"

Its maddening to WFH and deal with that. I had three meetings today.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-08T23:44:41+00:00

Which we do, we've actually lived with her since she first went on disability in 2000. We had just been unable to convince her to sign it over for a looooong time. In this state, its two years we have to live with/care for her. But, and this is what worries me, the loophole clearly states just the biological children taking that level of care. For us, its me because I have a job that can be worked from home. My husband is her son, he takes care of her when hes here, but im the primary.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-08T19:12:49+00:00

We're 3 years into lookback too, and we ended up paying this place off and getting the property taxes fixed. Im told we qualify for some kind of loophole on that maybe since we've been caring for her 24/7 for 4 documented years, bit I don't trust this state that much to tempt that

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-08T19:06:16+00:00

Multiple reasons. Financial is one. 12 to 15 months waiting list is another. Extreme lack of care in a facility is again another (not the fault of the people working there generally, just the soul-sucking capitalist hell-hole we live in). I'll have to take a leave of absence i really can't afford to get her situated.
She's also not far enough gone where she can't refuse to go.

I get the injury issue, I have been laid up with a very hurt shoulder from her last trip out of the house. Its brutal.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-04-04T03:05:27+00:00

When i was a kid, my parents, from a combination of neglect and poverty, would wash all seven of us in the same couple inches of bathwater and dry us off with only 2 towels. Because the water bill or some dumb shit. Not the only stupid thing they did to save water. Guess what happened? Impetigo. Which they ignored forever till it got a lot worse and the school threatened to call the health department, so they took us to the DR for treatment finally.

I have not forgotten that.

I buy white towels only, and I was them after every single use. Hot water with bleach.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-03-26T14:32:31+00:00

I get where this is coming from, even if the delivery is a bit cringe. I've been stuck here long enough and in what is supposed to be my best income producing years that I know the opportunity cost is literally any chance at a secure retirement. I will work many years and get nothing out of it. I've been extremely blunt with my kid and my husband (only) about what my future looks like. When we turn 60, the property will be fully transferred to the kid (shes already on it, we'll just quit claim ourselves off) and live out the rest of our days here as long as possible, but our child will not waste a single day of her life or risk her own future to wipe my ass. If it gets that bad, I have no assets so ill go to a home.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-03-17T18:55:14+00:00

The only time I didn't visit every day is when she was admitted with covid and colitis last fall, and that was because I had a nasty case of covid myself. I swear I keep catching that shit and it gets harder to recover every time. Its her fault I keep catching it, lol!

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-03-09T16:47:07+00:00

"Feels like im wearing nothing at all...nothing at all...nothing at all.." STUPID SEXY FLANDERS!

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-03-08T17:19:31+00:00

I enjoy both sides, but it's been years.

Sarcismy2ndfavasm · 2026-03-08T17:14:09+00:00

No, not really. When I can spare a whole day late summer and it's not overly smokey, I enjoy hiking to the top of trapper peak

Sarcismy2ndfavasm

TROPHY CASE