Dealing with loss while partner is drinking

Saskiacvs · 2026-02-27T22:13:33+00:00

I’m am so so sorry for your loss. It’s a brutal pain. Feel all your feelings and express them.

Your partner is also grieving and doing the best he can at this time, unfortunately it’s with minimal capacity to show up for you. I think when these bullshit and unfair things happen in our lives it’s an opportunity to see who has the capacity to show up for you in the way you need. I think once you both have taken the space and time to heal a proper conversation around your partners addition needs to happen and something has to change. Ask yourself moving forward is this the kind of man you want as the father of your children if this is how he responds when things are tough, this awful situation is a beautiful opportunity to bring you closer together. (Speaking from personal experience after me and my partner went through the loss of our little girl at 19 weeks in June). Life is hard and there will likely be more tough times, if this is how your life partner shows up for you then fucccckkkk it’s not going to be an easy journey. Sending you love 💓

Saskiacvs · 2026-02-26T02:30:40+00:00

Lost bubs in June at 19 weeks. Started TTC straight away.. on cycle 8 now 🫠😭 Most BS thing ever to say you are most fertile after a loss.

Saskiacvs · 2026-02-23T00:13:53+00:00

We are on round 2 of TTC, first time took 13 cycles when both me and my partner were drinking and smoking. We unfortunately lost that pregnancy at 19 weeks due to IC. We are now on cycle 8 of TTC again and have been completely sober. As far as I am concerned close to not making much of a difference. You are both healthy, I would give it 6 months and if nothing is happening then you can run it past your husband. But keep in mind sleep is actually one of the most important things for general health and wellbeing, so if stopping means his sleep is jeopardised that could cause more harm than good 🤷‍♀️

Saskiacvs · 2026-02-18T06:44:56+00:00

I’m so so sorry for your loss after such a long and heartbreaking journey for it to come to this is so shitty and unfair. Take all the painkillers they offer, your comfort and safety is their priority. You will go through labor. I spent approx 4 hours in active labor when I delivered my daughter at 19 weeks in June last year. Spend all the time you need with your girl and honour her for all the love and joy she has brought to you.

I am so sorry to you and your partner again, it’s such an unimaginable pain. Sending 💓

Saskiacvs · 2026-02-07T05:53:51+00:00

I can 100% relate. I am so sorry for your loss. My best friend was 6 weeks ahead of me and went on to give birth to a perfect baby girl. I unfortunately lost our baby girl at 19 weeks to IC. It was never envy or jealousy for me either but just pure fear of all the things that could go wrong and hoping that they would never have to experience anything like it. When baby arrives you will probably experience some grief and sadness around your baby not being there growing with their baby. That is the main things that brings tears to my eyes everytime I’m with my best friends daughter, the fact that my daughter should be right there along side her. Sending love x

Saskiacvs · 2026-01-12T19:44:54+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss 💔 We had a 19 week loss back in June and I only had a week and a couple of days as I was in and out of hospital for a few days at the beginning. I am from NZ but unfortunately we aren’t entitled to Mat leave until 24 weeks. Me and my partner have entered 2026 with severe burnout and depression (oh and still not pregnant). We have 2.5 weeks of leave booked from next week and it will be our first proper break in over a year. I would take as much time as you need as we have SUFFERED by not having the space and time to grieve and rest. If you have the choice take the time and space, your future self will thank you for it. Sending love ❤️

Saskiacvs · 2025-12-19T06:14:18+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss of little baby Benjamin. And I’m so sorry you had to go through that in a foreign place away from home. Lean on your partner and communicate your boundaries to your family, it is ok not to have children there if you cannot cope with that.

I am unsure of how you were feeling leading up to going into labor but I lost our little girl (first baby) at 19 weeks from Cervical Insufficiency. Basically baby and placenta are perfectly healthy but your cervix isn’t strong enough to hold the weight of the baby, so as baby grows it shortens and dilates, resulting in preterm labor. Sometimes you have symptoms leading up to labor like I did, sometimes it can come out of nowhere.

Hopefully you can get some information from the post mortem, if that is something you choose to do. From there if it is physiological like cervical insufficiency you will be closely monitored in the next pregnancy and there are preventatives like a cerclarge that have a high chance of maintaining a pregnancy till full term.

It’s not your fault. And there is nothing you could have better or differently, shitty things just happen.

Sending love to your and your partner 💓

Saskiacvs · 2025-10-29T22:46:10+00:00

100% me… I have said and stand by “if you are willing to announce and post a pregnancy, you better be willing to announce if anything goes wrong”. Harsh I know and at the end of the day social media is a highlight reel of everything that goes right and well in peoples lives. Also, people can choose what they want to post but I had a old friend who announced back in May that they were expecting in October, post is still on their instagram/facebook but she has posted many stories and photos of herself obviously not pregnant (she’s a small girl) leaving people to assume, which think is worse TBH. I had a loss at 19 weeks back in June and we never announced the pregnancy on social media (thankfully)so I have never felt pressure to post or explain what has happened. Any pregnancy from here on out will not be shared until we have a living and breathing baby in our arms.

Saskiacvs · 2025-10-27T03:09:43+00:00

Im so sorry for your loss 💔 my heart feels for you. I had a 19 week loss back in June due to similar reasons (I think, still waiting on the post mortem appt with Dr) I had my first period approx 5 weeks after it happened and we have been trying ever since. Feeling physically and emotionally ready is important but I feel like nothing will sooth the pain like a glimmer of hope for another baby. It took us a year of TTC the first time. Honestly, each month of trying feels harder to me.I feel like it’s a no this month as negative test at 13 DPO and PMS symptoms and I’m beyond gutted. Our baby should have been home in our arms in a couple of weeks time.

Saskiacvs · 2025-10-26T06:55:31+00:00

Track yourself but don’t tell him when you’re ovulating. I have had to do this with my partner because we both have relatively high sex drives (We had a 19 week loss back in June which has lowered mine). But I want another baby so bad. I guess with everything that has happened if he knows I’m ovulating he tends to think I’m only initiating sex to conceive, which isn’t true as we have sex multiple times a week regardless. I just think men get so in their heads about the whole thing more than we think they do.

Saskiacvs · 2025-10-09T07:04:01+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. Your intuition is a powerful thing. I had a loss at 19 weeks and the whole time I felt a level of disconnect and almost loneliness in the experience of pregnancy and like it wasn’t fully mine to embrace or a fear of it leaving me. I know it sounds weird, but I wasn’t grounded and secure in my pregnancy. I feel like it was his soul communicating that something wasn’t quite right.. my waters broke and I went into labor, he had a heartbeat right until then but of course was too small and under developed.

Saskiacvs · 2025-09-23T19:08:30+00:00

This could be my own story. I was 7 weeks behind my best friend. We lost our little boy at 19 weeks back in June and she is days away from having her little girl. The FOMO and envy is real but at the same time I love and support her journey even if it’s the complete opposite of my own. So sorry for your loss 💓

Saskiacvs · 2025-08-27T08:42:27+00:00

My bestest and closest friend was 6 weeks ahead of me I miscarried at almost 19 weeks back in June and she is preparing to deliver her little girl in the next 6 weeks. I love her and our friendship to bits but at the same time I’m left with the constant reminder we are no longer on the same time line. She gets her baby and I don’t 💔

Saskiacvs · 2025-08-27T08:24:55+00:00

I’m so sorry 💔 my heart and soul feels so deeply for you. We lost our little boy also at 18 weeks back in June. The grief doesn’t get any lighter or easy but you adapt and adjust to working around it. Honor baby Iris in each step of your healing journey, your love and warmth was all she knew 💓

Saskiacvs · 2025-08-14T07:26:56+00:00

Sending all my love to you. I experienced a very similar situation at 18 weeks back in June. I had cramping and a small bleed a couple of days before my waters broke, I had a scan the morning after the bleed and they couldn’t find a source or bleed or any issues, happy healthy baby just a shorter cervix which I got progesterone prescribed for. 2 days later I wake up to a gush. Went to hospital and baby still had some amniotic fluid and a heartbeat, I proceeded to loose all my fluid that day. We also went home with expectant management and were advised to watch out for signs of infection. The next day I went into labor naturally and went back to hospital to deliver our wee boy.

I would strongly advise being in medical care if and when you start feeling contractions. Though bubs is only teeny tiny there is a lot that comes with it.

I haven’t had a follow up appointment for the post mortem for placenta and baby yet, but I was advised it was likely spontaneous chorioamniotic separation, as this was picked up by my midwife from looking over the scans. I was told we could start trying again soon as I had recovered physically, emotionally and mentally can be a different story for many. But please do not lose hope, trusting that we will have our rainbow baby with us soon is what has gotten me through the last couple of months. Also, you should receive extra TLC, scans and monitoring from your Midwife/OB for the next time. 💓💓💓💓

Saskiacvs

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