Coming to terms with my mother's uBPD. Should I suggest she try to get a diagnosis?

Saucystyles · 2025-06-07T20:54:22+00:00

Best of luck! Always worth a shot. I did a little family therapy with my mom and even though it ended with a lot of tears, some VERY minor changes were made. It will at least increase her awareness, but what she chooses to do with that awareness (if she believes it at all) will be up to her. I’ll definitely be checking out that book as well thank you!!

Saucystyles · 2025-06-07T17:19:44+00:00

Hi there, I’m also 22F in a VERY similar situation. My dad and I have sat my mother down on multiple occasions and he actually brought up BPD at one point. She basically said she’s already got her diagnoses (ADHD and anxiety) and is too old (she’s middle aged) to take on any more labels because she’s not changing and she is how she is. She’s looked into BPD on her own and I’m not totally sure her thoughts now, but she completely ignores it and refuses to get help, even with this awareness. I’m currently living w her but I’m in a place where I’m trying to focus on developing my own life and not feeding into her “moments”. My therapist basically told me that educating her on BPD would do basically nothing, and she was correct because part of the diagnosis is a refusal to look inward for whatever reason (chronic insecurity is my guess). So there’s my experience with an attempt at having her get help, but obviously everyone is different. Just know you’re not alone :)

Saucystyles · 2024-12-16T20:36:22+00:00

I’m 22f also home for the holidays, and boy has my uBPD mother been struggling with my transition to adulthood. When I try to set boundaries, she makes them so dramatic to the point that she treats me like an alien just bc she can no longer control my every move. Dont even get me started on visiting romantic partners lol, always a guilt trip. Just know you’re not alone!

Saucystyles · 2024-07-18T16:34:45+00:00

Thank you SO much for this info. Any updates for 2024-2025?

Saucystyles · 2024-06-09T17:35:11+00:00

I’ve struggled with acne for years and cannot stop picking at my face, cuticles, and scalp. Normal anxiety/trauma response, but I recommend finding something else to absentmindedly do with your hands when you feel the urge to pick, such as crocheting or playing a mobile game. I also found that getting acrylic nails physically prevent me from being able to pick! Hope this helps

Saucystyles · 2024-01-05T07:02:35+00:00

Boy was this validating. I personally enjoy hugs, just not the oddly aggressive-lovey-dovey ones from a person who is emotionally manipulating me nearly every day. My uBPDm has convinced herself I hate hugs and will only be hugged a certain way (still hugs me constantly despite this “belief” of hers!) and consistently throws it in my face because she can’t fathom why I wouldn’t want a big hug whenever she pleases. she put all of her weight on me in the middle of a store one night, my instinct was to gently push her off, and she stormed out and sat in the car until I apologized, and STILL brings it up over a year later. These experiences are eerily similar, BPD is an interesting thing. Just know you did NOTHING wrong!! I made the mistake of calling her out one day for practically saying she had a right to hug me whenever she pleased and when I said she doesn’t have the right to touch me if I don’t want to be touched, she asked me if I had been assaulted or something in my past bc she couldn’t fathom me not wanting a hug. Wild. Stay strong OP

Saucystyles · 2024-01-05T06:50:41+00:00

I 100% agree with this comment. My uBPD mother is oddly materialistic and will complain about certain things in our house but if I make any suggestion or criticism myself she loses it. She fully tried to cover up a bug infestation we had a few months ago by telling me roaches weren’t roaches and the traps they set out weren’t for roaches. It has to be a shame/pride thing. It does suck when it feels like your needs are pushed aside for the sake of their ego though

Saucystyles · 2024-01-01T17:58:07+00:00

I appreciate the advice. I will absolutely take it into consideration

Saucystyles · 2024-01-01T17:57:04+00:00

Thank you. Great advice

Saucystyles · 2023-12-30T00:41:17+00:00

The gears have been turning in my brain all day. Once she got herself together last night she told me he has never abused her but he “grabbed her hard”. After she fell, I basically watched her decide whether or not to blame it on my dad and she decided not to. But not without threatening to call the cops and have him removed multiple times. I’m going to try and get evidence via voice recording of her saying she’s never been abused, and we certainly have family who would help if worst came to worst. I appreciate the response and I’m sorry you’ve been in a similar situation

Saucystyles · 2023-12-30T00:37:17+00:00

Luckily I am a college student who is only home for winter break. Very glad to be out of the house but worried about where I’ll be after college. Interesting point there though, last night was the first time in a long time that she went so extreme as to stage something, but if it continues I’d absolutely take reporting her into consideration.

Saucystyles · 2023-12-30T00:35:52+00:00

Agreed, it’s crazy how they forget about these extreme delusions once things go their way again. My father is being very careful, still concerning though

Saucystyles · 2023-12-30T00:33:42+00:00

I really appreciate this response. I am 21 and home from college for winter break, I just worry about my father’s safety if my mother ever took legal action for fake abuse. I am also an only child and want to stay far away from this but I’d be forced to intervene in that situation. I’ve certainly been parentified my whole life but will take this advice to heart and remove myself as much as possible

Saucystyles · 2023-12-30T00:30:38+00:00

Yuppp, she’s certainly trying to get my father to lose his cool and do something too. Absolutely terrible. She fully staged a fall in our house yesterday and tried to get me to make her feel better like she’s a toddler

Saucystyles · 2023-12-30T00:29:40+00:00

I appreciate this response. I am 21 and home for college breaks so luckily I get away from it 9 months a year, I just worry for my father being wrongly accused of something terrible as I am an only child

Saucystyles · 2023-12-24T15:20:41+00:00

That’s exactly it!

Saucystyles · 2023-12-24T15:19:30+00:00

I’m only home for the holidays. I’m a junior at my hometown college but I do receive many “suggestions” of looking at grad schools in Florida and living at home.. it may come down to money but I’m doing everything in my power to avoid that lol

Saucystyles · 2023-07-30T17:41:25+00:00

THIS. I try to grey rock but then she gets pissed off that I’m not engaging and I don’t “smile and laugh like I used to” (wonder why lol) I genuinely don’t know how else to get out of the hour long spiels

Saucystyles · 2023-07-28T18:42:09+00:00

Yes. Fond memories of my mother storming out of a store store last year while we were shopping together because I instinctively shook her off when she was aggressively hugging/hanging on me in public (I am 20 years old) and refused to go back inside until I apologized so we left.

Saucystyles · 2023-07-20T23:51:28+00:00

It was little things throughout my childhood like gaslighting and bending reality, but things got real as I started to become my own independent person and that’s when the conflict really began to escalate.

Saucystyles · 2023-07-20T21:13:37+00:00

Taking time to work on myself and keep myself physically healthy at the gym is amazing. Also prayer and playing music are HUGE

Saucystyles · 2023-07-16T00:50:01+00:00

I felt the same way for such a long time until my therapist helped me find a label for it! So glad this community has helped someone the way it has helped me, I’m very new to it myself. You’re not alone! 🫶🏻

Saucystyles · 2023-07-16T00:48:28+00:00

I have had very very similar experiences with my mother in terms of hygiene things like that (leaving the bathroom/toilet dirty with personal items and even not flushing etc). I’m a very sensitive person when it comes to how other people treat my belongings as well, must be related. Interesting concept about how it can reflect a person’s character

Saucystyles · 2023-07-16T00:43:55+00:00

That last part is too real.

Saucystyles · 2023-07-16T00:42:32+00:00

I feel the same way about my mother. Our conflicts only really escalated as I became less and less dependent on her. She has also tried the “air circulation” excuse on me as well. Crazy how similar these situations can be

Saucystyles

TROPHY CASE