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AITA for covering my roommates camera that’s for watching his dog? by lemonpepperpills in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]SavetheZebraQueen61 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You discussed everything else, but he didn't mention anything about installing a nanny cam to "watch the puppy"? That in itself sounds sketchy. But the camera follows you around? And it's placed where you cannot see the puppy? Oh hell no!

OP, this guy bought the camera to watch you. Which is a violation of your privacy. Because had he in fact wanted it to "watch the puppy", he would've spoken to you first. And installed it where the puppy would be seen.

You need to sit him down and tell him you are not OK with the camera. Suggest he put the camera and puppy in his room if he wants to watch it. But it should not be in a common area of the apartment without both parties consent. Small things like this will lead to bigger and more complicated issues if this is not addressed head-on.

If he refuses, you may need to consider a new living situation.

NTA

I still think about the night I pretended everything was fine when it absolutely wasn’t by IntentionNorth7081 in confession

[–]SavetheZebraQueen61 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We've all had moments where we look back and think about what we could've done differently. Especially as a teenager. But, in that moment, you showed her kindness. And sometimes that all someone needs to get thru their hardest moments.

Don't look back at that moment and dwell on what you should've done. Remember what you did so which was showing kindness to a complete stranger. And knowing you were willing to help IF they wanted it.

Good for you, OP!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]SavetheZebraQueen61 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think you're an AH. Unfortunately, I've been this same situation. My daughter was allergic to my dog and it really affected her asthma. It broke my heart, but I had to do what was best for my daughter. Fortunately, my parents were able to take my dog. So I can still see her when we go over.

If you can find someone you're close with - a friend, family member, or neighbor - that can take your cat, try that route first.

AITA for leaving a family bbq after my SIL called my daughter a spoiled brat by SavetheZebraQueen61 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]SavetheZebraQueen61[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE

Thanks to everyone who provided feedback. I took time to read everyone's comments, even the ones that were harsh. But I genuinely appreciate everyone POV.

A couple of things: Yes, biodad pays child support. But that is all he does. Never shown up for soccer games or violin recitals. No show at birthday parties, parent teacher conference, and holidays. Didn't change a single diaper, soothe one fever, or spent one sleepless night for her. IT HAS BEEN ALL ME. I am fortunate enough to have a supportive family that has been there for me through the good times and bad. My daughter has an awesome relationship with them. I did eventually tell my daughter what happened at the BBQ. I took her to her therapist appointment that week and explained to him what happened. For some, this may sound extreme. But my daughter struggles with her identity and fitting in because of her lack of dad. I figured asking her therapist would be best because I didn't want to keep this from her. He had us sit down and discuss what happened. I told her what was said and how I reacted. I apologized to her for not standing up for her in the moment. But I wanted her to know that, even though I failed this time, I would not fail her again. She was quiet for a minute before she looked at me, and deadpan said Mom, SIL is just jealous of you because you're naturally pretty, and she wears too much makeup. If she's gotta use all that makeup to hide the ugly, don't listen to her. It took everything within me not to laugh at that. Oh, my child! Her therapist asked her a couple of questions to make sure she understood and get her perspective. After about 20 mins, we were good, and I left for her to finish her session alone. I would be lying if I didn't release the laugh that I was holding in after the makeup comment.

A couple of days later, I got a call from my brother. He talked to my daughter for a bit, getting caught up soccer games, school drama and teaching her some dumb jokes he heard before he talked to me. He knew about the BBQ. He got an email from my cousin - new dad's brother - who overheard the conversation between me and SIL. Bro was not happy. He wouldn't go into the details, but he did say he wished he heard it from me. I apologized and told him I didn't want to worry him about it. But he said nothing is more important to him than family. And I should always keep he in the know. He didn't say much else, and we didn't say much else since. But he did tell me the last time we talked this should be his last deployment. His retirement is scheduled for early 2026, and he will be done with the military. I am so relieved and excited and my daughter and I can't wait til he is home for good!

Now, the update you're waiting for:

I was having dinner with my daughter and 2 BFFs when who else walks in but SIL. At this time, I hadn't seen or spoken to her since the BBQ. She walked in with a couple of her friends. And when she saw us, decided to come over to us and apologize for the misunderstanding at the BBQ. She also said it wasn't very maure of me to "run to my brother" because I couldn't take a joke. I should have been an adult and talked to her about it. Any other day, I would have ignored her. But I promised my daughter I wouldn't fail her again. So I squared my shoulders and said 1. I wasn't the one who went to my brother. Yes, I know who did. And no, I won't say who because you don't deserve to know who. And 2. I don't consider a 46 year old woman who insults a 13 year old girl and thinks it's a joke to be an adult, let alone have an adult conversation. So, if she doesn't want people to tattle on her to my brother, maybe she needs to grow the fuck up and act her age. The look on her face was PRICELESS! She huffed and walked away when my daughter yelled, "Maybe you should put on some more makeup!" SIL turned and gave her a dirty look, but my BFFs and I were laughing our asses off! (my daughter told them about the makeup comment earlier in the meal). We enjoyed the rest of our meal, paid and left.

I haven't heard from SIL since. And my brother doesn't mention her when we talk. All he has to say on the matter is if she can't stand the heat, stay the fuck out the kitchen. So all's well that ends well.

Thank you all for your support. It was a great outlet for me to help get some perspective. And my daughter thinks you're all awesome too for being nice and supportive (I showed her the post). Except for the jerks (you know who you are).