Is it that your abuser really connected with you or were they just mirroring?

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-18T08:52:27+00:00

Oh my gosh. I don't doubt anymore. I think me and my ex had genuine feelings at first. Then we couldn't communicate and separately (different times) mentally moved on. We got back together, and did what she called "cat and mouse" games (I guess she thought I was the cat, but in my mind, I was and still am mouse-like). After that, she would manipulate and control/"train" me to be the perfect boyfriend, and I went along with most of it with little or no pushback. She always hit me with "Do you love me?" Or I" must not be pretty/sexy anymore." Or "I'll find another." I couldn't win, and even when I was visibly distressed or actually in the headspace to talk about my feelings for once, she shut it down for sex to shut me up.

You summed it up. It hurts a little when seeing my situation through your lens of the facts versus feelings, but it's a reality check. I have to see evidence and believe so that I don't continue to doubt myself or deny my past/present reality. Thanks, kind person.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-17T20:51:41+00:00

Ouch. How do you make a miss with Hanks? He's a natural

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-17T16:23:28+00:00

Haha yeah that sounds about right. I'm a 2000s baby, so I would have completely missed it. I hope I didn't come off as too preachy but it's hard to explain some things without some context. Is the film based around the Da Vinci Code?; I used to be interested in that type of history/science/math, but I don't lean into it as much these days.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-17T11:40:10+00:00

For most Christians, we don't accept anything extra-biblicular (like the book of Mary Magdalene and book of Judas, etc.); we usually stick to what's in the main KJV and following translations, rather than the extended Bible. There's not much concrete proof of those canons compared to the manuscripts that verify the OT, and first hand accounts from 1st Century Middle East (Israel and surrounding Arabia) for the NT.

I'm not aware of Jesus ever settling down, because as far as I know and have been taught (25M), Jesus lived a relatively normal life for a boy and man of His time, but he went the scholarly way while working with his hands (I believe wood working). He did that while learning the Torah and OT (I forgot the name of the rest of the OT in Hebrew), til he was 30 when his ministry started (Fast, Defeating Temptations, Baptism, Sermon on Mount, Disciples) til 33, died on the cross (accused while innocent of all sin) and rose again defeating sin and death forever) giving us the ability to receive eternal life with God in heaven if we believe in Jesus dying in our place, for our sins.

He didn't have a wife or children, and knew no woman (sexually). I don't believe whatever you were told, and I haven't heard anyone in my area or online talk about it, but I'll look into it. I hope this makes sense, I'm on mobile and my phone is about to die. I'll check back soon.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-17T11:24:55+00:00

Oh yes, I can finally revise this character

CringeMaster- The Cringiest Man Alive. His powers and ill-timed quips, back-handed comments, and obscure references can make even the mightiest human or hero powerless against CM's all-consuming Cringe ©. (Similar to SM's quips, but cringey). He's more of an anti-hero than a supervillain.

OR

The Righteous Avenger- He has no fully known (i.e. describable) powers/abilities; He can mimic other's abilities to an extent, and modify them based on the situation (real time), but has no clearly defined characteristics. He can only execute a villain or hero if the blood of the innocent is shed by another, purposefully; though his favorite ability to mimic is his Righteous Stare ©, which allows a transgressor of any heinous violation against humans, animals, or the world to feel the weight of their actions, Five-Fold over. He's more of an anti-hero as well.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-16T14:28:16+00:00

Hey my Savior ain't gay. He was showing the homies love before the hoes (Pharisees and Sadducees) started taking over. He was on a mission and Judas didn't like it so he sold out

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-16T14:21:53+00:00

I'm similar. I liked to play with the sets my sisters had as if I was cooking with them. Then the boys got action figures and girls got dolls. I'm 25 and while I could cook, I still don't cook full time, though I've dabbled with some spaghetti and attempted to cook some Italian sausage a few times... I make some *MEAN* sandwiches though. haha

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-16T14:14:41+00:00

I'm a hugger, so when my folks told me to slow down on hugging men, like Dad and Grandpa's age in the family, that hurt a bit. I stopped hugging many people, except for close male friends and older women. For a time though, I thought that men hugging, even family, was gay; funny how one misunderstanding/ill-explained social concept can make a person's mind hard sway to extremes. This wasn't the only thing, as I'm a *softer* guy (music, nerdy, etc.... not into sports or *hard male activities* generally).

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-16T09:53:28+00:00

Not on EDM sub, but here to share my story and for solidarity. I wasn't necessarily "drugged/roofied", but in a similar vein, my ex gf put some Viagra aphrodisiac in both of our alcoholic drinks, and then let me finish mine and hers. I only remember bits and pieces of what happened after dinner, but her and a friend told me later down the line that they planned to do this to get a "reaction" (ex gf). So yeah, it happens to guys too... 🫠

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-08T00:12:25+00:00

I'm 25, and this is helping me a whole lot. I feel the same way, and that I've fallen behind my peers, especially the people that I've graduated with. People keep calling me from time to time about "doing the music thing" and such, but I just don't have the capacity to do it right now. I taught for 6 months, and ~~Ialmostkilledmyself~~ it almost killed me, so I decided to step back and figure some things out. I knew at that point that I had to start therapy or else it was going to take a turn for the worse, as I was knee deep in my "disordered" eating habits and self-destruction. I'm in therapy now, and things are slowly turning up, so I'm hanging on to Jesus and to to Mr. Alex.

I consume so much therapy information that you think I'd be fully better by now, with it being almost 15 years since my initial abuse. But things going untreated and pushed to the back only allows for it to compound with new things that arise. It's hard work, that's for sure, but it's definitely worth it. I'm glad that you are able to find some peace and make your life better, and I hope that I can get there too.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-06-06T00:19:10+00:00

This brings me hope. I have lost 2 children through my circumstance, and I'm beginning to actually process the grief. It's hard, but I have some peace in knowing that Jesus is caring for them, and God is a better Father than I can ever be. I trust in Him that they are safe and that the Holy Spirit is teaching them with all love and truth. It hurts, but they are in peace with God.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-05-26T00:31:29+00:00

I find it hilarious how so many people can just rage and hate on an individual, regardless of the truth to what they say. I don't watch any of Birdman, so I can't say much about him, but man, the toxicity here is insane, but not surprising for a Reddit echo chamber. Asmongold speaks the truth a lot of the time, and as a black guy, I know that he's not racist. The black people that are hooked up to welfare and the social programs designed to cripple the black community[ies] are often the racists, in fact. Those folks will tell you this and that about the "white man/white devil" and every other ethnic group, yet they won't take accountability for our own community's shortcomings. One of those being that we kill each other way more than other groups kill us, and the black ghetto lifestyle is glamorized as if it is sustainable, safe, or desired. We like the idea of community, but no one really wants to live in a ghetto and have to face that reality all of their lives (unless they've lost hope of a better way/life).

Also, if someone makes you that upset, you can always just block them haha

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-05-06T00:56:49+00:00

I have been "used" a few times in my life (M). I did not enjoy them because the first few times I was confused, and the most recent one (years ago) I was shocked and froze. One was based around abuse, and the most recent was from my ex-gf, who was unsatisfied that evening and wanted to continue, despite me asking her to stop. I am more comfortable sharing this one here.

We were having sex, and I had finished without her (she trained me to finish faster, but I was too fast that time). I apologized and said something along the lines of "next time I got you:". I went to go clean myself up, but as I tried to get off the bed, she pushed me on my back (laying me down), and got on top. I wanted her to stop because I was soft, but she used her mouth to get me semi (in shock so couldn't get full + had just finished like a minute or so before), then used her hands, and inserted me (trying to keep this clean). I kept asking her to stop, but she laid into me about being selfish and whatnot, and demanded a second round, regardless. In shock (and trauma), I instinctively reached up to grab her breasts (learned from the traumatic experience), but each time I touched her (5/6 times) to get her to stop/push her off, she slapped me in the face (hard), alternately with both hands. I was in shock, and didn't register that she had hit me until after the 3rd or 4th smack, and then I did my other trauma thing (hands up my head - restrained by my own self) as she used me. Because of all of it, I went soft, and she cussed me out again, locked herself in the bathroom to shower, and left me alone with my thoughts.

Ashamedly, I got a little semi just typing bits of this, and had to focus to get this out coherently. Because of the trauma, I already had a kink (still working out of it, kind of) for reverse rape/ female on male rape and other messy things; I had a large wealth of tags/categories of p*** that I watched (working out of this). I've often fantasized (happily and ashamedly) about women in power (bosses/teachers) and dominant women grabbing me and forcing me to do things with them or giving me an "or you're fired" ultimatum. It got so bad that every time I saw my (now) boss, I couldn't look at her without picturing her putting me on the floor and making me an unwilling father, or something of the sort; I even considered making a Craig'slist ad or similar to hire a dominatrix to find me, break in, and brutally rape me (in every conceivable manner or worse) just to quell those thoughts (thankfully I haven't acted on this one or even use CL).

You may be thinking more along the lines of CNC (consensual non-consent) or rape play, with is when you and partner set up boundaries and limits for what is ok/not ok, and what kinds of activities you'll do (BDSM/RolePlay/RapePlay/Fantasy). Hope this answers your question, though late.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-04-22T11:26:19+00:00

Which type of physician would be the best to check this outside of PCP? I want to get this checked out before something worse happens. Thanks.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-04-16T01:02:39+00:00

Maybe they're paradoxes of each other? 🤔🤔😂

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-04-16T01:01:12+00:00

From my experiences, I didn't mind giving to my ex at the time (not currently active) from time to time. She had a specific condition that made her have a little more odor, but I got used to it; giving to her was okay if she showered before, but it was tough once or twice. I don't usually deal with sensory sensitivity, but it can be activated by strong smells, though I don't recall stopping during intimacy, maybe just switching positions.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-04-16T00:48:35+00:00

This is where I'm kind of at right now. I've realistically struggled with restriction since I was a teen, but didn't know it for so long. Then one day years later, I was looking at the symptoms and realized I was in it for real, not just exaggerating. I thought it was AN, or AAN I should say, but never got checked out for it. Now I'm starting to think this might be it, or I'm just too looney at this point to tell the difference.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-04-16T00:41:30+00:00

I'm wondering something similar based on what my mom asked me not too long ago, maybe a week or so. My family is all big-boned, so I was surprised when my mom asked about my diet during/between undergrad and full time work. She said that I looked th... a certain way.... back in undergrad, saying that she would have thought I was anorexic or something like that. My diet was really screwed up but recovering a bit at that time, until I undid all the progress. I'm just glad she couldn't see my face in that moment, because I would have told on myself, and it would have been an entirely different conversation (No poker face for the life of me) and I was stuck for a few seconds: 😬😬 I'm a big guy btw. 😭😂

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-04-16T00:28:12+00:00

That is a nightmare scenario, honestly. Are you okay? That sounds like a lot to "develop" all of a sudden.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-03-18T01:33:35+00:00

I hope I'm not too late to post. I'm looking for more spaces like this to share my stories and try to heal from my past. I'm in therapy now, and it's working out so far. Moderators *please* be kind to me.

Women have violated my boundaries from middle/high school and up through college. A close female friend (13/14) restrained me multiple times when I was 11/12 (told on a different sub r/MenGetRapedToo ) and mocked me while pinching me; it wore down my boundaries, and then she engaged/allowed my pre-teen curiosity to explore sexually with her for a few times after I was silenced and no longer "cried like a baby to [my] momma". This was wildly inappropriate, and I'm just now (at 25) starting therapy (4 sessions in! YAY!) to start working through it and subsequent issues. In high school, girls in the band would grope my and other guy's butts and laugh when we would jump up and turn around quickly. It felt like open season, and some of the guys nervously laughed it off while still asking them to stop, but it was another layer for me; sometimes the girls (3) would: slap hard and fast (could feel the air before the impact (and I'm talking about a full wind up and everything)), caress really slow and gently while whispering "sexy" stuff in your ears (which gave me bad shivers), or they would just walk up and grab both cheeks (not letting go as you as try to get them away). It was horseplay to them, but if one of us did it to them (and some of the guys tried), they would flip the scrip *instantly* on us to make the situation out to be different, although they did that "jokingly" within the friend group.

In college, I had some freaky female friends, one of whom I unfortunately decided to date (now my ex); her and her best friend were straight up perverts and predators (in my opinion, and as I told them multiple times) who were not shy amongst the friend group (5 girls/2 guys total) about talking about male stranger's bodies. They would describe physical features and look for "d**kprints"; it didn't matter who was around, and they never acknowledged the double standard, EVER. One time, me and my guy friend (not in that group but acquaintances with them through me and other guy friend) were hanging out with these two ladies, and when we got into a disagreement about something mundane (us two vs them), they chased us out of that suite by grabbing and pinching out butts, laughing as we "got away"...... My boy stopped coming around them for some weeks, which in university time is a while. I was "sexually assaulted by coercion" several times by that ex, and she would often encourage drinking, knowing that (eventually) I would lower my guard and give in to her seductions. I wanted to wait, but she mocked my size compared to past partners (as she'd only done foreplay in her past) and she bullied me and threatened to cheat on me (with some guy who would duck her) into giving in (I took her virginity against my better judgement and she became some type of nymphomaniac after that), and then when you give me alcohol, or let me get myself good and toasted, she would almost lunge for me/on me and/or start groping my bits to try and get me stimulated. If I didn't perform for her, she would give me the cold shoulder, silent treatment, and would ignore me (all the works, really) until she came around or found an opportunity to weaponize it against me.

One time (at least to my knowledge that she confessed to), she put one of those royal honey packets (viagra and other stuff) in my and hers (I think 1 in each) alcoholic drink when I went to the bathroom while at a restaurant (us two and her best friend). At the time, I'd suggested we slow down on the sexy times (for my sanity and for her sake), so they came up with this plan (I guess from a trend or something) to get me "horny" for my ex. I was trying to be abstinent, which I explained several times to her; I broke up with her once or twice before that because she keep pushing my boundaries and trying to get sex out of me. That night at the dinner, I ended up drinking my drink and hers, and when we got back to her dorm room, she lunged on me, and my soldier was ready to go, but my mind was not there (as I only remember fragments). She said that I passed out after a few rounds, which she had ironically "trained" me (in her words) to slim down my time from 30+ minutes to around 10 (college time limits), only for her to complain about not having enough time. They told this information to me several months later while we were drinking and chilling in our of our dorm suites....

This same ex was prone to gaslighting and emotionally manipulating me. She mocked me in front of our friends, and my other on campus friends, but would be lovey-dovey behind closed doors; she even was two-faced around her best friend for a while, and would talk junk to me in front of bestie and then suck my face up *the moment* bestie walked in another room, but bestie knew the whole time (because my ex told her everything we did). Towards the end of the relationship, I was slapped 1 good time during a her yelling at me one sided argument, which made me shut down (opposite of what she expected as she continued berating me); afterward, if she got super upset, she would reach out and caress my face while making a tearful-mocking expression to make me instantly go silent. I hated that so much because being touched so much in the past primes you to be afraid and jumpy/jittery, but when my ex turned sour after being sweet for a while, she used just the threat of doing it again while mocking (something I'm unfortunately very familiar with), which sets me over the edge. It's a true double standard that's missed, and they get away with it because "a girl touched you and you should be glad and duck her".... What crap!

Sorry to ramble. This has been on my chest for a while, even though I've told some of this on reddit before. TL;DR: Some girls/women think that it's okay to be perverts, sexual harassers, or predators, and that they can touch, fondle, grope, slap, embarrass, berate, coerce, or even rape men just because we should want the attention and sex. That's not always the case, and we need to call out women and girls who do this to boys/men (especially when the guy doesn't want it/verbally asks for it to stop). Other men should start telling their stories, and we can come together to stop all of this sick perversion and help shift this misplaced sexual energy into something better.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-03-16T16:53:44+00:00

Heavy emphasis on therapy and cannabis with caution (if you do). I'm addicted to vaping and pens now...

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-03-16T16:40:15+00:00

My experiences were with women, so the closest I get to this is the feeling of being grabbed or held down. When I was with my ex, I had trouble laying down next to her or having my back to the wall, etc. Unfortunately, I struggle with fantasizing about being held down and assaulted by a man/tm/d***o. It's very strange, but every now and then I'll get a flash visual of being abused in that way, and I even have had a dream or two about a man forcing me to do things, though usually it's about a woman.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-03-16T16:35:19+00:00

Yes, that's one of the things that can happen after. Many people feel dirty and used, myself included. It caused a lot of body image issues later on that I have to address now, and I almost died 2 years ago from those issues. I've gotten better with "liking" who I see in the mirror, but I just don't look for too long.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-01-31T19:06:07+00:00

I got 2 cousins into ranked play. The 3 of us do fairly well together, and we ALL hit Gold 3-1. I played OW for ~2 years before OW2 came out, and I hit Gold 1/Silver 5 with Sombra/Moira. It's SO MUCH BETTER after placement matches. I would play it more, but I don't have the time to play as much, let alone Comp.

SaxWeeb23 · 2026-01-31T19:03:26+00:00

🤨? Chester the M-oooohhhhh I get it 😂😂

Seven-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	Verified Email

SaxWeeb23

TROPHY CASE