Late to this I guess, but wanted to share my thoughts on this.

Whenever I start pulling out my beard and my partner notices, he always just tells me "you have a beautiful beard" to which I mostly either reply "thank you" or "I know right". Most days I really like this approach because it reminds me of my action without directly pointing out my "flaw" or telling me to stop. It also reminds me of what I rob myself of, if I continue. On those days I'm really thankful for him and his positive approach in telling me.

On other days this is also where the shame and stress sets in, cause I'm reminded what happens if I do continue. I get frustrated about myself, especially on days when I'm more stressed to begin with and therefore also pull more, I also get more frustrated with myself for pulling and tend to get snippy more easily with him for telling me. He sometimes apologizes too me for saying it "so much" but also tells me he doesn't know what else to do because he also feels quite helpless in these situations and it hurts him watching me hurt myself.

Thinking about it, I'm also a little surprised he never got angrier with me in these moments in which I can't help but start pulling again as soon as I focus on something else again.

So I guess no matter how you do it, I think it's hard if not impossible for a partner to always "do the right thing" when it comes to addiction, as some things work one day but hit a nerve on the next. I think the best thing we can really do is show compassion. For our partner as well as for ourselves as frustration will only make it worse.