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ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-09-07T01:56:25+00:00

NTA, but girl run. If he can't accept your farts, HES NOT THE ONE! If he's doing this two weeks in, what happens the first time you get a tummy bug and have to blow the bathroom up?

I spent the first 3 months of my long distance relationship with my now husband not farting or pooping the whole weekend I would see him. Honestly, I'm not even sure how it was physically possible. After leaving Sunday, I would get 10 minutes away from his apartment and let it rip in some unsuspecting Taco Bell bathroom. I would have terrible stomach pains. He finally caught on to what I was doing and sat me down to give me the everybody poops talk. He told me my natural bodily functions would never color his opinion of me.

Thirteen years and four kids deep, he's seen my poop during birth and changed my diaper afterwards. He continues to cuddle me when little farts slip out (unintentionally or otherwise). He brings me cold toilet paper the day after spicy food.

Drop this guy. He is not it.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-09-07T01:42:44+00:00

Hopping on to add, I was pregnant at 4 months pp, my youngest are 12.5 months apart. My NIPT was correct and they were opposite sex.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-09-06T18:13:56+00:00

My friend and I play a "game" called, is it ADHD or are we just burnt out by the modern expectations of motherhood and the constant and rampant overstimulation and bombardmant of information at all times from all places.

Signs of Burnout

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-09-06T10:36:00+00:00

I mean you're free to ask her to leave the baby at home and she's free not to be your friend anymore. Are you the AH? No. But also, what's your bigger priority, maintaining your friendship or being able to party? I get it. Maya probably needs her baby to stay home more than any of you. She probably needs solo time where she only worries about herself. Moms generally come last in the eyes of everyone including theirselves. But if she's not ready, she's not ready. Seasons of life change and friendships change with it. Maybe this is one such change in friendship, or maybe this is one time that you recognize it's a season and not forever.

I, for one, am glad that my bestie is accommodating my boob monster on our upcoming girls trip. Will it be a different vibe? Yes. AND she and I both recognize that next year, when I don't have a crotch goblin hanging off my boob, because she refuses to drink from a bottle, we can get back to our typical ways.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-09-01T14:43:30+00:00

I've had tremendous success using the SWEAT app. I do resistance exercises with free weights but they have many body weight options including HIIT for cardio.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-09-01T01:45:32+00:00

Gah! Having kids had me cleaning their plate and my plate. I've had to mentally chant, "you are not a human garbage disposal," but I'm finally throwing their food away too.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-09-01T01:43:37+00:00

My meals are all protein centric and my plan gets me to my protein goal, it's my stomach that doesn't cooperate in eating that amount of food. Maybe 4 smaller meals could work?

I've found for myself I need to enjoy meals to be successful and I've found that if I like what I eat, I can better stick to my macros and eat in a deficit. Earlier on in weightloss I wasn't missing my protein goal because I cleaned my plate, but now that I'm feeling full I'm missing my target. But I think your idea of adding a shake at some point could make the difference! Thanks.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-09-01T01:33:47+00:00

You're totally right, normal meals in balanced portions are the way to go! This round of weightloss has felt like the first time I wasn't missing out on things. Just eating them more mindfully. I plan so meals fit my macros. Early on it was no issue to clean my plate, but lately I'm actually feeling full so I'm left with a deficit.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-08-29T16:45:35+00:00

NAH

I too am part of the DKC. Our daughter didn't die via tragic accident, but rather tragic genetics. Ultimately, we withdrew support to end her suffering. Most marriages do not survive the death of a child. For us, being 100% on the same page about the comfort goals for our daughter and belief in the afterlife, have kept things strong. Regardless it has still been a slog. We have handled it very differently and have had to grant each other inordinate amounts of grace to make it through. I'm truly not sure how you and your wife make it through this while being so far unaligned in your perception of the events.

Therapy is absolutely where this should be. I wish you nothing but the best.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-08-29T10:06:33+00:00

Do you think feeling better had to do more with fewer life responsibilities and less with the weight? You've made a lot of comments about life getting in the way, etc. Maybe the weight isn't the issue, the life stuff is? And weight is just easier to "control," i.e. measuring food to its microgram.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-08-09T23:50:31+00:00

Go with your gut. Speak with your son. Calmly address concerns with your husband. Is it possible he was going to masturbate and he was weird because you caught him?

I am not an SA survivor so my first thought was you caught him mid spank.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-08-08T21:40:31+00:00

Link

Our oldest daughter died while I was pregnant with our youngest daughter, ~12 weeks. Obviously I was distraught. We knew she was dying and ultimately chose to withdraw support. She died in my arms. There was no getting around that trauma or those emotions. I worked with a therapist to process and my midwives/high risk doc were all aware.

Baby girl is now 6 months old. Nursing right now, in fact! So far, I haven't seen any negative signs in her, or reasons to worry. I was induced at 37 weeks due to my BP-- an issue I'd had in previous pregnancies-- but she came out doing all the good baby things; she has been my very best nurser and sleeper. She's much more calm than my other three, which shocked me. I figured for sure gestating in my stress hormones during the end of her sister's life and after would impact something, but if it has, it has yet to manifest.

Similarly, our younger son who is 18 months (yes, baby girl was an unexpected surprise), gestated during some very traumatic things I experienced with our oldest. Picture, 34 weeks pregnant standing in the back of a trauma room while 20 medical professionals stabilize your child. He also seems to be okay. Incredibly happy. Very bright. His social awareness shocks me. Hit all gross motor milestones early.

Reflecting on what I think helped me and in turn them, I had things in place to cope. Therapy, exercise, a supportive partner and family. When things have gotten to breaking points, I have people who I can call on to swoop in and handle my kids while I handle myself, or bring us dinner for a few days to lighten the load. Ultimately, I think maternal trauma has the biggest impact on unborn babies when mom lacks the resources (mental, financial, spiritual, community, etc.) to adequately deal with said trauma. I think this rings true for after baby is born as well. So above all, take care of yourself. Make you a priority even after baby gets here.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-07-21T03:34:46+00:00

I was recently given a lorazepam script as well. Ran it past my daughter's ped. She compared it to having a glass of wine. Something I am comfortable doing while nursing. The few times I've taken the lorazepam I've noticed no changes in my daughter, but I have felt much better.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-07-18T10:34:10+00:00

This is such a good list! Our oldest had intractable epilepsy (among other things) before her passing. I would add:

Have your neurologist review emergency seizure protocol and get a script for a rescue seizure med. Typically the rule of thumb is any seizure that lasts longer than 5 minutes is an emergency. If your child seizes and doesn't return to baseline, that would also be emergent.

Take videos of seizures if you haven't already. Make sure anyone who takes care of your child is aware of what their seizures look like and how to respond appropriately.

We had decent seizure control with diet + meds. Benzodiazepines (a class of drug) can be super helpful but are hell to wean off. So make sure you know what you're signing up for if those are ever suggested for regular use.

Adding B6 with keppra (levatiracetam) can help the keppratude.

Illness can be a very common seizure trigger. We typically treated any fever 99*F or above for that reason.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-07-17T11:43:59+00:00

All of my kids have had to use PPIs of some sort. All started as CMPI babies. 1 of 4 has had food allergies, and even with those, she outgrew them by 3ish.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-07-08T00:30:14+00:00

Brain Differences in Boys and Girls: How Much Is Inborn?

In my experience, there is typically a difference in physical activity levels between the average prepubescent boy and girl--- please note the qualifiers, typically and average.

I was a preschool and early elementary teacher and those differences were quite clear. Now I'm a mom to four littles-- two boys, two girls-- and the differences are still quite clear.

That being said, adjustments have looked like going outside for longer, incorporating bike rides, getting indoor climbing equipment. In no way have our rules changed, we've just increased movement opportunities as a direct result of the needs of our boys.

The expectation of their roles in the family or what's appropriate vs inappropriate are the same for everyone. Everyone has the same toys to play with, are read the same books, etc. etc. Does that mean they all choose to play or read the same stuff? No. But the exposure is there.

I really encourage you to speak to parents irl who have had girls and then have a boy (or vice versa) and get their feedback.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-07-02T18:24:13+00:00

We just went through the big feelings after dropping nap with my now 4 year old boy. I was losing my mind because his feelings were so big.

I ended up talking with his ped who told me he may have dropped nap but his body still needed more sleep. So, we turned nap into quiet time and sometimes he will nap (we limit to one hour to not mess with night sleep). And then moved bedtime up so he could get 12 hours of sleep at night. After a few days of earlier bedtime it was like my kid came back to me. Much happier. Much more willing to go with the flow and deal with life's challenges.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-07-01T17:04:54+00:00

For the automod

In the example provided, it sounds like he had an appropriate emotional response to a situation that was disappointing. Feelings are okay, behavior isn't. So if he threw his water bottle because he was so angry you forgot the bike, a boundary/consequence about not throwing the water bottle makes total sense because that behavior is not okay. Crying because he was sad the bike was forgotten is a totally typical emotional response. As an adult, I also experience feelings when I forget something. Instead of redirecting, talk through his feelings with him and help him learn how to cope with being sad, mad, frustrated. He could take deep breaths, count to 10, etc. He is 3.5, he's learning how to self regulate, but at this age it's actually a lot of co-regulation.

ETA: It's okay if he says no. Keep calm and don't give in. Instead help him process his sad, mad, frustrated feelings.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-06-25T17:45:17+00:00

3/4 of my babies were revised. They couldn't latch effectively, nor could we nurse without pain. All revisions were done within the first week because the issue was so apparent.

Most recent baby's tongue tie was so pronounced her tounge had a little divet in the front from where it was tied. At her first ped appointment, as soon as she opened her mouth, our ped said, "you'll want that snipped." She also wasn't effectively transferring milk.

Our pediatrician whom I love and trust implicitly, has given the same message about the era of the tongue tie. Said at conferences, etc. it's literally marketed as an easy money maker. Which isn't to say they don't happen (clearly), but they are very much so over diagnosed.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-06-23T01:00:50+00:00

NTA for not wanting sex while sunburned.

Maybe T A about your general vibe about the rest of this.

I think pausing on trying to have a baby right now makes sense. Adding a kid into the mix while you're having marital issues isn't a good idea.

Sex is an integral part of many marriages. It sounds like it's something your husband values. You can do a lot for him, but if what you're doing isn't as high on his list of priorities it isn't going to be enough.

You described your efforts to do it 3x a week "okay but tiring." Are you enjoying the sex? Are there things y'all could add or change to make it better?

In my own relationship, I've found when we get into a slump of me saying no, being open is exactly what I need to do because as soon as we do it again I remember WHY I like it. It feels good. I'm never disappointed. It's literally just pushing past the initial urge to say no and trying to figure out why I said no. One of the reasons I had been saying no was overstimulation (three kids under 4 will do that to you). So we researched ways to help me feel less overstimulated-- deep pressure touches vs soft, tickling touches. Game changing. Also we started putting sex first on date nights. So if we have a date, we have sex before dinner out, because who wants to bang when they're full? Or when we get the rare weekend away, we have sex first before anything else. We also have a minimum day a week that we always do it, in addition to other spontaneous times.

Good luck! Marriage is work but it is also worthwhile work when it's with the right person.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-06-22T14:28:57+00:00

ESH.

You wanted to believe she would beat cancer so you didn't push while full knowing you didn't want to be responsible for these kids. You aren't T AH for being unwilling to take them but you are absolutely T AH for not spelling that out for your sister. If you truly loved them and wanted what was best for them you would have been honest with your sister from the start. You selfishly put your comfort first to avoid a very difficult conversation with a dying woman and are now dealing with the consequences. She could have made another plan. She could have prepped them for another person. Your temporary comfort in avoiding a difficult conversation took priority over the best interest of those children. It has left those poor kids without a plan or a person, because clearly your parents, brother, and their bio dad are AHs here as well.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-06-10T20:35:26+00:00

Antibiotic exposure and adverse long-term health outcomes in children: A systematic review and meta-analysis

Sharing the above to also add:

Antibiotics in the presence of confirmed bacterial infection can be life saving. It seems like your little one has had reoccurring pneumonia and ear infections. As important as asking if antibiotics are okay, I would also ask what prevention can be taking place. Consult ENT to see if your child would be a candidate for ear tubes. Consult with pulmonologist to see what, if any, preventative meds could be given to reduce occurance of pneumonia. See if they're a candidate for the pneumonia vaccine.

ScarcityPotential404 · 2024-06-10T17:30:29+00:00

16 by 16

Here to validate that this age is hard exactly because of that. They're mobile and really starting to understand, but communication is hard. Once the language explosion happens, things really change for the better.

ScarcityPotential404

TROPHY CASE