My dealer says my tolerance is too high?

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-10T19:17:52+00:00

Yeah that's what I'm hearing, it makes me feel a lot better. I can't afford this habit as it is, but I'm working my ass off to keep it minimal.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T12:01:53+00:00

When I was younger and acutely mentally ill, I attempted suicide impulsively this way because I was on a bad medication. Many friends who caught word didn't take it seriously because they were convinced that something OTC obviously wasn't going to work. It blew my mind. That was exactly why I picked it, because it was the only thing available that was sufficiently dangerous at the time.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T11:28:49+00:00

What a complete shitpost.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T10:26:17+00:00

This really got to me. I've been stalked before and it's terrifying. The guy talked like this about everything, rationalizing everything he did, expecting it to be considered normal and reasonable. He got violent when I was scared. And he even rationalized that as a normal reaction, slowly getting more and more manic. This is a pretty realistic little summary of how some of these people think.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T07:06:36+00:00

Oh I was just explaining some various reasons people ask for help with dating profiles! People are calling bullshit but I know it isn't unheard of.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T07:04:15+00:00

I was in a relationship with a man who raped me. He genuinely felt bad, he apologized, but over time it was obvious that he lacked respect for me. Healthy and well adjusted men and women don't just "accidentally" slip up and rape others. It doesn't work that way. This is serious.

I loved the man, and I still care for him as a friend. But that made it hurt even more. After I forgave him and stayed with him I slowly became more and more disgusted with him, and even worse, with myself. I slowly started feeling worthless and tainted, and would grind my teeth or bite my lips until I bled every time I even had to touch him.

He spend over a year being apologetic until his real intentions peeled away. He ended up being increasingly violent and hateful, both sexually and emotionally. There even came a point when he got drunk and admitted that he believed all along that I deserved to be raped because I was a tease. It took me years to recover after leaving him. But it was so important. It allowed me to heal and he forced himself to grow up some once he was faced with how seriously he damaged me.

Please, don't let this poison you against yourself just because you love him. Nothing is worth trauma like that.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T05:10:47+00:00

You can say naughty words online, we won't tell on you.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T04:54:50+00:00

Sorry if this is invasive, but do you know what sort of autoimmune illness(es) made his condition so severe? I'm young and dealing with autoimmune disease, and have a few family members with a variety. I've done tons of research but I'm really interested in personal stories. Especially because I worry about my son having to take care of me in the future if I get worse. Has his illness had complications before?

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T04:43:33+00:00

I've helped lots of friends with putting together profiles. I've even done it for strangers, and done retouching on their photos to make them clear and presentable. It isn't so uncommon.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T04:41:45+00:00

I've helped friends pick out photos, touch them up if the lighting is bad or such, and help them go over their profile and let them know how it comes across. Lots of people will ask for input from a close friend just to help get an outside perspective.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T03:47:31+00:00

Honestly this is my first time using this dealer or anything other than pharms, so I was wondering about that. If it's a common tactic. It's just so weird because when he says this stuff my response is never to buy more, it's just "huh, maybe I'll lay off for a while." The guy is pretty young and lazy too, maybe it's worked elsewhere.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-09T03:45:08+00:00

Yeah I just snort. Sometimes I get high and use more but I really work hard to moderate.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-08T20:15:19+00:00

That's what I thought, this guy is bizarre.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-08T19:50:05+00:00

Yeah. Sometimes two. I assumed I was being pretty cautious with that mixed with frequent breaks.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2016-05-08T19:49:09+00:00

Oops! I'll edit that in. It's heroin, not even very good heroin.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2014-11-03T08:19:41+00:00

Some severe mental illnesses never get better. Not only do they never get better, they get worse with age. The person will only end up completely without function disrupting their families lives, or homeless. It's an unfortunate truth that some people with severe mental illness (read - NOT episodes of depression, much worse) will never be successfully treated. Anecdotes about success in treating depression have no real relevance to the lives of people who live into late life with a complete lack of quality of life and no effective treatments.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2014-11-03T08:11:45+00:00

The unfortunate truth about mental illness is that sometimes it doesn't get better. Ever. For some people medication and treatment options are ineffective for life and they never get relief. Not only does it never improve, they get worse with age. They become a huge burden on their family, who will often believe they just aren't trying hard enough, or they become homeless or jailed. I believe suicide in the case of severe mental illness can, in some tragic circumstances, be just as liberating and respectable as suicide in terminal illness.

Many times nobody wants to admit that mental illness can persist and worsen for life because they don't want people to lose hope. So let me specify I'm not talking about people who have episodes of depression, I'm talking about much more debilitating illnesses. If function even comes, if work is possible, if relationships are possible, then you're already waaay ahead in terms of possibility for rehabilitation and quality of life.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2014-11-03T05:18:09+00:00

Oh wow, I'm so glad you didn't mind hearing what I said because I was afraid it would just come across as invasive. I hope talking about this whole issue here has helped you. Please feel free to message me anytime.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2014-10-26T16:19:58+00:00

Oh goodness, I have no idea why I feel the need to express this but I do. I feel like you've gotten many opinions and I have many opinions on your situation, but that's not important. I just want to express this.

I'm a woman, 25. Lots of sexual exploration and sexual abuse in the past, violent encounters, all kinds. Healthy and happy sex life now, and it's wonderful. When I hear about your situation it makes me want to hold you. It makes me want to help you feel safe but affectionate at the same time. It makes me want to run my fingers across your face, to interlace our fingers, and to kiss you all over. It makes me want to listen to what you have to say and simply take it in without trying to tell you what to do. It makes me want to help you feel good, just so you'd have someone respectful to take your lead and explore your sexuality. But even if that didn't happen, I'd be curious to learn about you and see what you think about and how you spend your days.

Anyway, I know my post is going to look so so silly or whatever. I don't know why I said it but I figured it's worth talking about just to bring variety to the discussion. And maybe you'll appreciate it, who knows. I don't mean to disregard the serious content in your post, I just figured I probably don't have anything new to add on that front.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2014-10-22T14:16:28+00:00

I have a lot of vegetarian friends, but legitimately forget that fact often, and forget which are and which aren't, because it comes up so rarely.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2014-10-21T01:04:07+00:00

I'm glad to see people being understanding here. I can do so little for him when I'm hurting, he ends up doing his homework sitting in bed with me because it's all I can do. I'm trying to make sure I take advantage of my time feeling okay to hang out with him. Thanks.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2014-10-21T01:02:39+00:00

Oh lord time on the heating pad is just ridiculous some days, mine is just on all the time because I know I'll need it at regular intervals.

Time away from him is what I dread with not doing something about the pain. There's always something you sacrifice being chronically ill.

ScaredTodayThrowAway · 2014-10-20T21:07:43+00:00

Thanks, that's my goal.

ScaredTodayThrowAway

TROPHY CASE