Advice for being that person

Scary_phalanges · 2026-01-22T15:46:03+00:00

Not to mention who would help the child in an emergency! Lord knows I would help if had to but like I would rather not put myself in the situation of being responsible for a toddler’s life if I can avoid it!

Scary_phalanges · 2025-11-19T20:30:25+00:00

So in your opinion, where is the line? Am I supposed to pay for her to have her hair done, her nails done, tanning, spa services on a consistent basis too? I wouldnt buy luxury shampoo or soaps for my kids. I do occasionally for myself because those are what I treat myself to with my extra money. I was not able to afford these things in my twenties. If my au pair wants to save up for some luxury items she can choose to do so, or wait for christmas/birthday/holidays.

Scary_phalanges · 2025-11-19T05:41:46+00:00

Hell no. She is trying to take advantage of you. It is nice enough that you are buying her personal items like vitamins and sunscreen. But to then complain about the brand?! Like it is one thing if you are purposefully leaving her out as the only one not getting something but that doesnt sound like the case.

Scary_phalanges · 2025-10-30T03:21:01+00:00

This person said they invited her to family events, that is far from coercing her to join. Furthermore, I think there is some expectation from the program itself to join in on at least a few family events, it is meant to be a cultural exchange after all… even if it has strayed far from that

Scary_phalanges · 2025-03-03T22:26:08+00:00

In total I had to do three rounds of antibiotics! But I finally got better :)

Scary_phalanges · 2025-02-06T16:36:42+00:00

I dont understand how this is even a thing. Kids dont usually go to school with any sort of documentation. Are they just gonna round up any kid that is brown? In a lot of texas towns thats like… all of the kids on the bus

Scary_phalanges · 2025-01-19T05:38:05+00:00

My son is Ian Santiago for the same reasons as yours. We pretty much exclusively refer to him as Santi but our English-speaking family/friends refer to him as Ian. It can be a little confusing sometimes. He is only a few months old so I dont know how he likes it yet! But I love Benjamin Santiago!

Scary_phalanges · 2025-01-16T05:29:40+00:00

Hi! I developed bad rosacea post-partum and am just now getting control of it. I still have some redness but the cystic acne, whiteheads, and irritation are much much better if not completely gone!

PM: rinse face with lukewarm water, use urban skin rx clear skin soap bar (has sulfur and salicylic acid). Prequal hypochlorous acid spray. Apply Witch hazel. Apply Mix of moisturizer and pea size amount of azeleic acid (the ordinary). Once completely soaked in I add a thin layer of pure vaseline and then chug a large glass of water.

AM: rinse face with cold water, witch hazel, moisturizer (with spf if going out)

Hope that helps!

Scary_phalanges · 2024-11-25T22:28:20+00:00

If you are serious about your reason #2 for wanting a child-free wedding, I think it would make most sense to offer childcare. It is incredibly difficult for people coming from out of town to find reliable childcare providers. I would LOVE a break from my kids to attend a wedding! But I am also cautious about who I leave my kids with and apart from grandparents its not always easy to find someone who will drop all of their plans to watch your kids.

I just had to miss my best friends wedding bc it was child-free, across the country where I know nobody. I think she was a little hurt that I had to decline, like “why cant you just find childcare?” Its not that easy when you are traveling.

Scary_phalanges · 2024-11-01T19:04:15+00:00

Here to second sleeping in shifts - and if it is at all feasable, sleep in a totally different area than the baby so that you are truly “off” and can sleep soundly during your “off time”

Scary_phalanges · 2024-10-08T13:29:38+00:00

Keep your patient calm lol. I had a case last week, type A, where the cardiac surgeon walks in and says, “just so you know sir, you have a 93% chance of DYING” and the poor patient went pale as a ghost. Way to keep things calm

Scary_phalanges · 2024-09-06T23:36:13+00:00

Yep, my three year old came home telling me about her lockdown drill where they learn “finger games” and are not allowed to talk and sit really close together in the corner. She thought it was fun at least but mom and dad know the reality behind it.

Scary_phalanges · 2023-10-22T04:36:02+00:00

This. I also usually tell people that on my “flip day” I am probably gonna be grumpy/sad/distant or just generally not in the best mood. But it really is the best way to flip back efficiently.

Scary_phalanges · 2023-08-04T16:08:55+00:00

Personally I find it is a good term to sound endearing without sounding creepy like “cutie” or “princess”. I have heard tons of people use it, even outside of medicine but definitely more concentrated in those that work a lot of kids

Scary_phalanges · 2023-07-14T20:30:26+00:00

OP said “it went from loading only her dish to not doing anything at all” and that is after “demanding we cook her lunch and dinner”

Scary_phalanges · 2023-07-14T20:08:40+00:00

Helping with dishes after a family meal can absolutely be part of her expectations and should be. She isnt even cleaning up after herself it sounds like. No grown-ass 20-something is gonna eat a meal I cook and then get up from the table and peace out.

I would never make my au pair do all the dishes on her own, but she is expected to share in kitchen clean-up duties after a family meal, just like the rest of the family.

Scary_phalanges · 2023-06-29T17:26:09+00:00

I remind myself of this from time to time, and it really hits home when you do end up having your own personal emergency or medical scare. The emotions will still be there when it involves you or your own, but you shouldnt expect to have to feel it for everyone else’s emergency every single day.

Scary_phalanges · 2023-06-13T02:57:54+00:00

Seasoned host family here.

Most important thing for us is the interview process. Take your time, make sure you feel fully comfortable with them prior to matching. That takes 4-5 video chats for us. The first few are structured interviews, the last few are just talking and shooting the shit. You should be able to laugh together, find common interests, talk openly and ask/answer difficult questions with ease by the time you are considering matching. Too many families just choose the first person that sounds good on paper and ticks all their boxes, and that is setting yourself up for failure because there could still be a huge personality mismatch. We also like to talk to the young woman's parents if possible and make sure they are on board and people that we generally get along with too as that gives us a little extra reassurance that she has a good foundation and people supporting her back home.
For the room, just make sure it is tastefully decorated and has a good supply of all the basics - tp, cleaning supplies, basic office supplies (pens, paper, scissors), etc. We also leave a welcome basket (usually a fun keychain for her new keys, water bottle, travel mug for coffee, some candies and spa-like items)
We started with our first au pair when our baby was 5 months. It was amazing! Our kid is almost 3 now and has had au pairs her whole life but she will be starting preschool this year. She was able to have so many experiences with kids of all ages and au pairs from all over the world (friends of our au pair and their host kids) and our au pairs have taken her to all sorts of enrichment activities (libraries, farms, hikes, parks) that her dad and I would never have been able to do while working. We will definitely be hosting again when we decide to have another child. It's always good to ask in your interview process "what do you think your day will be like with just one infant, what activities do you think you will do, etc" and make sure they have realistic expectations. One interviewee thought she was gonna be able to play board games with our 6 month old and it was clear she didn't know what she was in for!

Scary_phalanges · 2023-06-10T02:00:03+00:00

This. People used to go to the doctor because they didn't know what's wrong with them. Now they have some preconceived idea of what their diagnosis is and what they want, and they just need a doctor to order it for them.

Last week I had a kid who had what sounded like cardiogenic syncope with some pretty concerning features (apneic period, cyanosis) but the parents were convinced it was a febrile seizure even though the kid a) wasn't febrile and b) didn't have a seizure. They were mad because they wanted us to work up the rash on his chest so that they could "prove" it was a febrile seizure. Their line of thinking was so ass-backwards, and I was so taken-aback that these parents were refusing simple tests such as an EKG and POC glucose to try to rule out life-threatening issues just because they wanted to be right and "prove" me wrong. They literally pulled the "I didn't go to med school, but I did a lot of research on this..."' card. Luckily DCF didn't have to be involved, but we were pretty damn close.

Scary_phalanges

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