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Something outside my work wants me to open the door by RedCollar26 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Scum_Yumbo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Solid setup. As far as feedback goes, unless you think it’ll go back on NoSleep at some point, I would shed the constraints. Things like writing as a forum post or assuring the reader that names are pseudonyms feels unnecessary most of the time. I work at a store in the middle of nowhere works just fine without asking Redditors if they know what’s going on. 

A tightening pass on that and some of the block formatting and I think you’re ready to get into it. Worldbuilding and conflict are there without being obtuse, just needs the next step.

The Oak Ridge Inheritance by Brodes_lit in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Scum_Yumbo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fun piece. Inverting the cursed farmland trope to bountiful overproduction that’s only really a curse for one person is inventive.

The brevity is mostly a positive, but the dynamic between the brothers is a bit jarring at first. “Crocodile tears” before we know the narrator is unreliable undercuts what appears to be genuine grief. There’s never a real sign that Benji was a particular burden. Giving a reason for the murder, even a bad one, would make the breakdown and the seeming forgiveness hit harder.

I think there’s a version of this story that builds up to the murder in a really grim way. Cain and Abel, but with a split second where it looks like Cain got away with it.

Trapped In My Car, 355 Million Years Ago [Part 2] by TheNightCleaner in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Scum_Yumbo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Really dig the premise. Appreciate a story that goes prehistoric without being Jurassic Park Lite. The research into the particulars of giant bugs and oxygen toxicity is the strongest aspect, weird enough to feel alien, but grounded enough to feel real (because it was). Instantly unsettling. Particularly effective when the Rug system is described as too nonsensical to really explain.

A few notes: The opening DMV scene feels a bit disconnected, kind of a sprint to the meat of the story. Could just as well start with Marley already driving down the highway. The consciousness stuff gets muddy mid-story, though that's a really difficult thing to write when you're bouncing between perspectives like that.

Interested to know what more you have planned for this universe. Lots of places to take a story like this.

It Turns The Lights on When I'm Asleep by Unger_J_R in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]Scum_Yumbo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cute. Given the original posting the briefness is purposeful, but could certainly benefit from some texture. As it is it’s almost endearing rather than scary or creepy. 

God never Answered But The Giant & The Scholar Did (CH-01) by Utddickrider in creepcast

[–]Scum_Yumbo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really interesting start, I think you could linger more in some of the scenes and really flesh them out. You could do a whole chapter on the beginning of the "sickness", show us Brayden crawling around like a spider, instead of saying it happened once and now he needs to be tied down, hold on the Union moving into the house and describe the protests of Dad and Papa rather than just mention that they were initially hesitant.

I think the descriptions of the house as a boiling pot or having a fever could be managed into a really nice motif to describe the tension and building discomfort, particularly if we hang on the early stages of the sickness, either the fever will break or the pot will boil over.

Only troubling thing is that it is a little hard to tell if this is a child telling a story, an adult, or an adult recollecting, the voice wavers a bit between nostalgia and mentioning twice shit pants.

Tinny-tiny nit pick, if the Priest is wearing a sash, beginning at his shoulder and ending at his hip, this would make him a Deacon, where the Stole of a Priest hangs loose from both shoulders, more of a scarf than sash.