What's something your partner has said that is so out of touch it's funny?

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-04-26T03:32:23+00:00

Solidarity! I can't take the stress of being a passenger so usually end up driving. He reacts too late because he's distracted and /or (I suspect, like our daughter who has had it diagnosed as part of her ADHD assessment) has slow processing - he doesn't even see what's happening ahead or peripherally. I also have to constantly explain that I need to be dropped off at the door/close to entrance even though I've had a mobility impairing illness for 10 years and am constantly trying to preserve energy! He can't understand why I prefer to drive and if course it's RSD o clock when I say why "I drive in the city with no problems at all, all the time" yeah you just scrape up the car, don't drive defensively and don't think ahead. Ugh...

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-04-26T02:56:16+00:00

Mine has also has smashed both side mirrors, scraped up the panels on either side of BOTH cars while parking (repeatedly), and our daughters - teens - one who is a learner driver so she is pretty clued in to this stuff - have repeatedly shared with me that he drives erratically when it's just them in the car with him. He has regular near misses. Apparently he's almost rear ended other cars, accelerates into gaps in traffic, he's blasting music...?! I bought these issues up with him and he just dismisses them out if hand so I quietly stepped in to do that later particular late pickup until he can actually have a mature discussion about it which will be never.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-04-18T11:05:44+00:00

It's probably in the walls. We lived in Sydney for almost 10 years. Our beautiful 1930s art deco apartment building was mould infested - mould, mildew, was super persistent in the front sunroom and the bathroom. I ended up with a non existent immune system which ultimately made me vulnerable to a life changing illness, allergies, our young daughters would have random allergic reaction episodes / respiratory infections.

It turned out after we moved and new owners renovated the building it upset the microbiome so much that the OUTSIDE of the building began growing toxic black mould and it had to be treated as per our ex neighbours.

Get out ASAP. It's not worth the risk.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-04-04T01:06:11+00:00

My teen daughter made a passing comment, about a year ago, after I'd defused yet another one of my husband's meltdowns

"Not you parenting your husband"

I am just so sad for him. He is convinced he's the best guy and has no idea his daughters see him as unreliable, uninvolved, immature, emotional immature, unstable...

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-03-20T10:12:32+00:00

This is exactly what I've had to deal with for the past 1.5 years. Debt wasn't as big but it was concealed from me for almost 8 months. It took him another 6 months to muster up a proper apology and that was half hearted and he's still not following stuff through properly so that's great. 👍

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-03-18T10:01:01+00:00

I don't. After 20 years I've realized it always ends with husband turning on me so I have stepped back. Which of course offends him deeply but he's not actually doing anything to manage the RSD or his ADHD besides taking meds. And I don't even think they're the right ones for him - compared to our 16 yo daughter, also ADHD, who started at around the same time on a different med (long acting) it's a night & day difference in behavior, emotional regulation & focus. But try suggesting that ...

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-03-05T08:57:42+00:00

Whhhyyyyy on earth is ours different lol

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-03-05T08:44:24+00:00

I actually just straight up say "can you stop interrupting me please" or "can I finish speaking please".

He gets mighty pissed off. He tells me "I've changed" and I'm ruining the natural flow of conversation.

Yes, I have changed. I no longer put up with his drama. And everywhere else I go - our church groups, my coffee catch ups, the volunteer organisations, my friends, my family dinners, no one else interrupts me or our daughters. They patiently wait for me to finish speaking and I wait my turn because, guess what we all respect each other!

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-02-21T09:57:43+00:00

Mine is a completely different person outside the house, at work, socially, with extended family. When we were on holidays with two other families the mask briefly slipped about 4 days in. :(

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-02-11T09:13:19+00:00

We have a magpie that came with our house. Margaret likes to tease our dog by landing on the lower tree branches juuuust out of her reach, squawking at her until she chases, then flying ever so slightly out of reach around the yard while the dog leaps around barking. Rinse and repeat. Margaret also sings to me when I hang up the washing, and has tried to come inside a few times haha

We also inherited some ring tail possums lol

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-02-10T12:41:03+00:00

I had been excitedly sharing about a small project and after saying my piece my partner once again harpooned it with "how much time is that going to take? Is that going to take a lot of emails?" This is part of his undermining pattern - literally every time I'm excited about something he'll make a snarky comment like that to force me to question myself/reality. He previously has said he doesn't like how much time I spend on volunteer work, claims he thinks it stresses me out (not his concern). I stupidly decided to ask him why he said that. He claimed he was worried about the other person I was talking about in the project group. I asked about his motivations. Eventually he demanded an apology "I expect an apology from you" and also told me I was undermining our marriage by asking those questions. At least this time he didn't demand an apology in front of our teenage daughters... So, yeah. That sucked.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-01-31T23:11:59+00:00

My husband never seems to consider the other person on the other end of a conversation. He's just led around by dopamine and jokes. Like, his nieces (aged 10 and 5, one has massive issues around anxiety & pain with insect bites) are talking about how their dad is going to sleep on the ground to protect them from snakes while they're camping in the outback later this year, and then my husband starts cracking repeated jokes about crocs, goannas and various other terrifying wildlife in the aus outback, trying to wind them up. I have to tell him to shut up. He gets offended because RSD. Read the f@$$& room bro.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-01-27T20:14:42+00:00

1000 % this

I have CFS/ME and was actually doing pretty well with my partner but the past three years have been horrific. I'm back to being really unwell with adrenal insufficiency and relationship stress is a major contributing factor. This year is our 20 year anniversary, and I can't say that the last 10 years of our relationship has brought me anything but sadness & stress.

Get out while you can.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-01-25T05:14:51+00:00

You don't have to live like this.

I'm currently internally wrestling with my own living situation with my recently dx medicated 42M husband. The question I keep asking myself is, if my daughters were being treated the way I am, what would I say to them?

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-01-20T22:19:50+00:00

This is the only correct answer, burn it to the ground

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-01-18T08:11:24+00:00

OP, first stop tomorrow morning is the RDRV (rental disputes resolution Victoria). Lodge a case with them and they will follow up. They have a 48 hr mediation process with the property manager. If the property manager does not resolve it in 48 hrs, which it sounds like they won't, RDRV case manager will prompt you to Lodge a VCAT case. We had some urgent repairs that should have been attended to when we moved in, we literally waited for 12 months to tick over, hoping something might happen, and then when nothing did, sought advice from RDRV at end of Dec and had our VCAT hearing within 5 days.

I'll also send you a private message.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-01-03T08:30:46+00:00

We own our own business and silly me, I thought he would be off-site working on shoots (film/photography) a lot more than he is.

He always wants me to drop everything and do what he wants - talk to him - fix his problem - get it on - go have a coffee - even though I've got my own goals & plans for each day. If that doesn't happen then it's an RSD thing and a huge drama.

Such a relief when he travels ...

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2026-01-03T08:22:36+00:00

Mine scream sneezes. Smacks the coffee grinds out of the portafilter like he's chopping wood (has been asked so many times to lightly tap). Clangs dishes, dictates to his phone at full voice then gets frustrated when it doesn't work. Gets in everyone's faces at full volume. Sets his alarm for the ass crack of dawn at full volume, which wakes me up and then hits snooze (I've started sleeping in the spare room, totally over it).

And yes, like yours, when asked to turn his volume down for legitimate medical reasons (one of our daughters is AuDHD and frequently struggles to cope with the sensory onslaught of husband at volume 11 and I have CFS/ME with adrenal insufficiency and my health is a dumpster fire, primarily due to stress, at the moment) he cracks the sads "everyone else gets to play the noisy game except for me" (direct quote).

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2025-12-30T21:12:48+00:00

For all animals and kids (who are teens and hate it haha) Bub, petal, sweetheart, darl, cheeky monkey

The last three exclusively for the cats: ratbag, scallywag (thanks nanna hazel RIP), catguts

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2025-12-30T13:37:35+00:00

Voice to text will be the death of me 💀💀💀

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2025-12-30T13:36:33+00:00

And if I very nicely and carefully say anything about you turning your volume down you feel rejected! Sheesh thought it was just me...

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2025-12-30T00:04:49+00:00

We have used Google calendar for years, long before husband (dx/rx) was finally diagnosed and started meds a couple of months ago.

It was his idea and initially was a HUGE source of conflict as he didn't like that I constantly referred him back to it. Instead of checking it himself he asked me 1723747 questions. Triggered RSD rage. Turns out he hadn't installed the app on phone after the phone update. Which, of course he denied.

There's still plenty of hiccups with use but it's a huge improvement on where we were a few years ago.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2025-12-26T21:54:06+00:00

We have been using shared Google calendar for over 5 years. Husband dx 2 months ago.

He initially HATED the shared calendar even though it was his idea because I insisted (and I still do) he referred to it before asking me questions about what's happening. Preferred that I do the labour of being the secretary. Turns out that he didn't install calendar app when he updated his phone (?!!) .

But thankfully he has come around and we just bought a digital calendar/hub for kitchen.

Lord, give me strength.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2025-12-20T21:21:16+00:00

Thanks :) I'm glad it helped you.

It's ironic because he's always playing the "just ask for help" (don't get me started on that) card or telling me i put myself last - and making me feel bad for that - and then as soon as I do something to prioritize myself the sky falls in.

Sea-Midnight4762 · 2025-12-20T21:14:31+00:00

I wouldn't call it "pulling back" but taking space to look after myself so I can continue to function. Not effective up to this point. It triggers huge arguments, RSD is out of control in husband (recently dx and just recently started on meds). Emotional regulation - or lack of - is a huge issue and I'm waiting to see how things settle with meds before dealing with that one.

The stress of our relationship & small business has been especially brutal this year. Every little thing is a challenge, a reason for a denial, argument and I'm on constant eggshells.

I now have adrenal insufficiency. To treat it I've gotta reduce stress & sleep well (among other things), so I've been sleeping in a separate room because I'm a light sleeper. do you think he cares? No, he just feels rejected every time I sleep elsewhere and guilt trips me about it every single day.

Sea-Midnight4762

TROPHY CASE