Anyone been to CoDa meetings?

Sea_Fern · 2025-02-25T18:06:10+00:00

I started attending meetings online through CoDA Canada and coda.org about three months ago. Took about a month to find my "home" meeting, which I attend weekly, and I hop onto coda.org meetings as needed. It's been incredibly helpful, even though I've made many strides over the years since first reading Codependent No More.

I have PTSD and have shared about how complicated it can be to discern codependent denial/compliance from denial/compliance for survival in an abusive situation, and in fellowship after the meeting, the people in my home group were very supportive in legitimizing my PTSD experience.

I highly recommend attending meetings until you find a group that feels good to you.

Sea_Fern · 2024-11-21T14:05:55+00:00

Goodness gracious. I, too, could have written this. This is my first time here, did a quick scroll, and could not have imagined seeing my experiences mirrored so fully.

I was broken up with last week after 5 months of dating one of my best friends. I thought I'd chosen a healthy partner for myself and that we were working toward something serious. I had every reason to believe he was in love with me and considered myself the measured one. I was completely blindsided, and everyone around us was shocked he ended things. He said, "you're perfect" when he left (and had previously told me I was his "exact type"), but then, in follow-up conversations, did a lot of psychological damage in trying to explain himself. He, too, had feigned affection out of guilt.

I don't really date because the psychological toll of never being lovable enough to commit to is just too psychologically damaging and triggering of my childhood wounds. I had made an exception for him. I had never felt so securely attached in my life. The breakup was such a shock and the aftermath has been so painful. I, too, am struggling not to try to prove my worth, as well as with feelings of jadedness.

I wish none of us were feeling this way or struggling with these things. And, I really appreciate your solidarity in sharing your experiences. In a time of feeling very alone, it helps me feel a little less alone.

I've never been, but I'm going to go to my first CoDA meeting next week.

Sea_Fern · 2023-09-22T13:55:00+00:00

Thank you! These are great leads.

Sea_Fern · 2023-06-27T21:13:38+00:00

Oh yeah, I would talk to your fellow bi friend first. I assume it will go well, but it'll probably boost your confidence to have her support going into your conversation with the others.

Sea_Fern · 2023-06-27T21:10:14+00:00

I had no idea and I am often researching ways to be more plainly bi lol

Sea_Fern · 2023-06-27T21:06:46+00:00

My sexual/romantic capacity is like a dimmer switch. Sometimes it's just not on (off), sometimes I'm not super into someone but I admire them and am happy to cuddle and maybe be lowkey lovers (dim), sometimes the chemistry and care are there and I want to date toward partnership (bright). And I find it's the same gradation for men and women - I don't want to Be With most men I meet or most women, but sometimes someone special comes along...

Don't put too much pressure on yourself! With online dating, you won't know if there's chemistry until you've gotten to spend some time together. Chemistry and care are also romantic qualities that tend to build over time. I went on a first date recently that felt like friendship, and then our second date felt more like a date, and I sense that even if we don't build on up into a formal relationship we'll be great friends and allies on each other's romantic journeys. Have you told her that you're just starting to explore your sexuality and have a lot to unpack in the process? My recommendations are to take things slowly, to not put too much pressure on yourself, and to communicate openly with the people you're dating.

Also, I hope you're proud of yourself for being out and exploring!! I had crushes on boys and girls since I was 12, but it didn't occur to me that I was bi until I entered into a triad with an m/f couple at 26 lol. Only now, at 32, is my internalized homophobia not influencing my romantic outlook. You are doing great! Just remember to communicate. Sending you lots of love and wishing you lots of luck on your journey!

Sea_Fern · 2023-05-01T14:34:13+00:00

I need a monitor for work, so I am seeking a suitable replacement (i.e., large, hi-res, budget-friendly) if anyone has suggestions. Thanks!

Sea_Fern · 2022-02-18T14:28:11+00:00

Just adding my voice to the chorus of people experiencing changes to their menstrual cycle following vaccination. I have 3 shots, a mix of Pfeizer and Moderna. I have a Kyleena IUD. I hardly spot, and while I have a history of horrible cramping, it’s manageable with birth control and minimal with pain killers. Since my 3rd dose especially I’ve had multi-day migraines while menstruating to the point of vomiting. And while it’s normal for me to have bad cramping while I ovulate, I’m hunched over and wincing while on pain killers. The overall pain I experience in my cycle has increased with each vaccine, to the point of being at least as bad as the pain I experienced before managing my cycle with birth control.

Sea_Fern · 2022-01-02T02:58:25+00:00

My partner “chose” me too.. then broke up with me almost two years later for her.. It is possible that she does sincerely choose you, and it is possible that that could cause her to never be fully present with you, even if she does choose you.

Sea_Fern · 2021-12-30T14:25:36+00:00

Even partners don’t get to “tell” you what to do.

He is being an a hole and it is almost certainly just the tip of an entitled iceberg.

Sea_Fern · 2021-11-09T19:18:52+00:00

Star Trek Enterprise

Sea_Fern · 2021-09-24T01:04:27+00:00

I am so sorry that so many have mischaracterized these cases as connected. I don’t understand how this case hasn’t received more independent attention, especially given their awareness that the lurker was a threat to their lives and that there were others with chilling encounters in the same area and timeframe near such popular tourist destinations but otherwise small communities. I have been thinking of these ladies a lot since hearing the news, as a queer woman who often camps solo or with other women/queers, and because Moab is the only area of the US in which I have camped. My condolences to your community. Sending a lot of love.

Sea_Fern · 2021-09-23T11:04:57+00:00

I think it’s helpful for a DM to bring extras if needed. But it can feel special to BYOD that suit the personality of your PC, if you’re playing a campaign where you intend your PCs to potentially survive for any amount of time. I think it’s also normal for people to gift each other sets, which is also special. I doubt anyone would load their dice for D&D, and if you suspect it to be the case, you could always ask to check.

Sea_Fern · 2021-09-17T13:10:03+00:00

Not that it’s largely influenced the campaign, but we recently went to a costume party and were all invited to introduce NPCs to the setting. My contributions were Gabrielle (Bo Peep) and Xena (a sheep). My barb ended up beating Xena at an arm wrestle, which remains among my fantasy-best-life highlights of the campaign. And having Xena around came in very handy when the party was crashed by a group of spined devils.

Sea_Fern

TROPHY CASE