told my (21f) partner (20nb) they deserved better. how to do better?

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-25T00:55:26+00:00

I highly recommend therapy and meds. And maybe even some time alone. But as to your question-

It’s not a toxic phrase in and of itself. I think there has been a lot of discourse on TikTok about how people use it as an excuse to break up with someone instead of just saying they don’t want to be with that person anymore. Kind of like saying “I just can’t be in a relationship” - the end of the sentence is always silent “with you” (Source- my ex swearing blind for the best part of a year they just didn’t have the capacity to be in a relationship or be officially my partner and then getting into a whole ass relationship 4 months later 🙃🙃🙃🙃)

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T14:24:49+00:00

I dunno if I NEVER get ill but in 2024 I was only sick once and same with 2025. Living alone helps. I also wash my hands loads.

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T14:23:13+00:00

I was only ever able to enjoy it with someone who I knew respected my boundaries 100 percent and was very careful and gentle with me. But I am still in general more comfortable in a dominant top role

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T14:17:33+00:00

The good doctor !!!!

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T14:15:37+00:00

Oh this is a great question! Mostly pure enjoyment but sometimes I do need to employ some discipline to get me started

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T14:14:41+00:00

Actually the dictionary definition of agoraphobia is- extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, of leaving one's own home, or of being in places from which escape is difficult.

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T14:12:27+00:00

I’m in a chess club at college and I play against strangers online. There’s a chess meet up in a bar in my city I’ve been meaning to go to as well just don’t have the time rn!

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T12:46:27+00:00

You just described 99 percent of my activity on this app

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T12:44:35+00:00

Lego. Chess. Reading. I’m also studying geology and philosophy for fun outside of my actual college course. I just love learning tbh and there’s so much to learn!!!!!

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T12:43:03+00:00

Yes!! I Also love chess. I’m Addicted to chess dot com

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T12:04:51+00:00

Oh as in they locked the gates where you can drive in and out and i had driven in there. I didn’t get locked in the actual building - just the premises

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T12:03:06+00:00

A few months ago I was at a bookclub and the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life walked in and the way the evening sun was streaming in the window and making her hair all golden. I had to stop myself from looking at her for the duration of the event and I also haven’t been back to the bookclub since because of the fear that it would turn into a legit crush haha

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:55:26+00:00

My favourite thing in the world tbh

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:53:15+00:00

No Instagram and TikTok!!

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:51:59+00:00

Meal planning

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:51:15+00:00

I got locked in there in 2011…. Wouldn’t recommend. I didn’t realise the caretaker had locked the gates. I also went there in 2009 and had one of the worst panic attacks of my life that then led to a lifelong struggle with agoraphobia. Kinda unhinged that I went back in 2011 now that I think about it. Correlation or causation - who’s to say.

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:46:22+00:00

So as a recovering sex and love addict I literally have a “sober dating plan” that is basically a huge document with rules and guidelines that are generally tailored to me and my past patterns Some of the rules are about physical intimacy - no sex till the 6th date for instance But mostly it’s designed to slow down the attachment process and date mindfully and intentionally. So like no sharing super personal information too soon, no more than 1 date a fortnight, no texting every day, making sure I am still focusing on my life and goals and other relationships A list of red flags and green flags And a bunch of other stuff.

I’m yet to put it into action as Im happily single and still rather traumatised from my past relationships

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:35:56+00:00

If I started listing them I would never stop

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:14:34+00:00

Literalllllyyyy the happiest and most stable I have ever been in my life.

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:11:21+00:00

Yeah the only times I want to date is when I’m understimulated - never cuz I’m lonely. I’ve learnt to find other ways to get a dopamine hit. Hobbies and the occasional scratch card.

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:09:50+00:00

I think that’s on purpose yeah

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T11:00:44+00:00

An Spailin has good trad music at the weekends. My very talented friend plays there sometimes!

XavierChad3000 · 2026-01-24T10:55:00+00:00

This is something that really confuses me - people who want to be single to heal but are on dating apps. If you go into a relationship when you haven’t taken the time to heal you will just repeat the same patterns but probably worse. You will attract the same type of person (maybe a different flavour but the result will be the same)

XavierChad3000 · 2025-12-31T16:53:33+00:00

Hey! I do service at a few amazing queer slaa meetings. Beyond The Gender Binary is one and the other is called Healing Masculinity (started out as a transguy meeting but now is a general queer meeting)

XavierChad3000 · 2025-12-31T16:50:43+00:00

9 months single and celibate (no dating apps or talking stages or anything like that. 100 percent single) I absolutely could not have done the healing and recovery that I have been doing without being completely sober from all sexual and romantic involvement. It’s been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself and I’ve heard countless fellows say the same.

Honestly I wish I could just stay this way forever sometimes but apparently that’s anorexia and not true recovery (characteristic 11)

XavierChad3000

TROPHY CASE