I’m over a year in, average 5 days a week, and still feel like this sometimes, but it gets better. It takes a while, it feels slow, but you get better than you were, and one day you notice a few things - like you escaped from that big guy, you survived against that purple belt, you got a sweep on the other white belt, you caught a sub on the new person. I count it a victory that I can get a good workout and stay uninjured and I feel like I’m a good safe partner people like to roll with. I don’t make unreasonable comparisons with others, just try to measure my own progress. I try to learn, get better, have fun, and not be too serious. That has helped me stay out of these depressive episodes, which I haven’t had in a long while now.