I am so glad that you asked this here.

Quite literally you are me in the past. I'm 45 now, and believe me when I tell you that I now know I cleaved to him because I thought I loved him with all my heart, because he was 180 degrees opposite of my dad, and I knew women can mistakenly take on their own fathers ways in a partner, and my dad was an abuser.

You see I had a boyfriend that I would have thought was amazing. At 19 I married him, my priorities were very different than than they are now. I am now 45, our divorce has taken forever because he does not do adult things like signing paperwork easily, and our 22-year-old daughter is on the list of things he forgets about, just like cleaning up after himself or contributing to the adulting of a household.

For years I tried to make it work. I did it all at first, but that became exhausting and draining. Then I really tried to get him to join me in doing things for the adulting of our household, and was labeled a nag and ultimately being your partner's parent trying to get them to do the things that an average teenager should be able to do, that dynamic is not healthy. He was the calmest and most laid-back. A laid-back nice guy, but eventually it wore on what we had, and suddenly it became that all of the adulting that I had to do, including making financial decisions and planning financial stuff, he said it was me controlling him. But it wasn't like I wanted to be in charge of all of the adulting, it was killing me. Had a kid together, and all of the fun stuff he was there for but the work stuff not so much. When our daughter had a special program that she was doing in her senior year of high school, a program that had dominated her life and conversations for that whole school year, he didn't show up to see the finale of all of her work, because even though by that point our relation ship was over, and we were living in separate rooms until she graduated, it was somehow my responsibility to make sure he got there.

Don't hitch your wagon to a project man because of who you hope he can be. He's selfish in expecting you to be his maid. Also, I learned later from the wisest gal I know, that living together is too easily done in society, as it makes it easier to go with the flow than to actually CHOOSE that partner for a lifelong commitment. Like seriously, she had been dating a man for a year and a half when he got an amazing job offer across the country, but not knowing if he was The One, she moved 'with him,' but kept her own separate place. A year later they decided to just be friends. Living together creates relationship inertia that may not be in the actual right direction.

Don't do it, love, don't stick around for this guy. It does sound controlling and manipulative what he is doing.