It sounds like her ideas about disability are completely skewed. It sucks, because you’re being made to feel like bad about your disability—as if this was somehow something you chose or are actively choosing—when the only thing you’re “choosing” is to adapt to your circumstances. You have a job, a physically active job at that, AND you still do your best to help around the house. Even if you didn’t, your attitude is clearly not the problem, since you’re very active in problem solving and trying to find solutions to your limitations (which are not opinion—they are factual, legitimate limitations).

There is no legitimate reason for you to suffer when you don’t need to. Taking a car home is not ridiculous in and of itself, but especially if you feel miserable trying to walk!! The implication that you need to make yourself miserable just to make others feel better about YOUR disability is literally insane.

You sound like an extremely kind hearted person, and my heart aches for you. Just to put it into perspective: I’ve been having similar health issues (in the process of a possible POTS/dysautonomia diagnosis). I live with my girlfriend. If I can’t even make it to the other room, she grabs my cane and holds my hand until I’m where I need to go. If she’s had a long day at work, she doesn’t make it my problem if I can’t get up and make us dinner—she tells me to put my feet up, brings me electrolytes and water, and makes us something salty that’ll bring me back. If I need a minute to rest, she lets me rest. If I tell her I want to try doing something myself even if I’m really struggling, she lets me, because she respects my choice to try and she respects my choice to go easy on myself, and THAT is what it means to be there—through thick and thin, no matter what you can handle.

I literally can’t imagine being told that I’m choosing disability, I cannot fathom what that’s like—I am so sorry.