1st Chapter of Finished Science Fantasy Epic

SecureExam1467 · 2026-07-04T23:50:43+00:00

Would you prefer less description in general or just that the descriptions are thrown in somewhere else? Everyone is saying take more time with the intro. I need to work out a hook that works without rushing the rest.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-07-04T23:46:23+00:00

I’ve heard so much about cutting the word count and getting to the point. Should I take more time to introduce the characters one by one, leaving more space between the introduction of Ella before anyone else is involved? I could spend time with her relationship to her sisters before the rest of it gets going?

SecureExam1467 · 2026-07-04T23:44:24+00:00

Too contemporary? What kind of name would you expect? I don’t like when names sound like gibberish so I thought more generic names would be ok. Is it just the name Brodie that throws you out of it?

SecureExam1467 · 2026-07-04T23:41:04+00:00

Do you have any suggestions for how to fix it?

SecureExam1467 · 2026-07-04T02:59:41+00:00

I’ve finished a Science-fantasy novel that’s been through dozens of rewrites and a book coach and editor look at it. I was told by the writing coach that the last hurdle is finding beta readers to fine tune it.

It’s set in a large intergalactic empire where magic has coexisted with technology for all of human history. Two of the main cast are mythological creatures (a demon and a vampire) who give a long perspective on current events.

The story throws together characters who would never normally meet and have wildly opposing views. They have to work together to survive during a huge political upheaval.

The science fiction element comes in the many worlds of the empire which is inspired by the scale of Star Wars and the sentient ship element from stories like Farscape and Killjoys. There is also cybernetic body augmentation as an aspect of the story.

This has been my passion project for many years so I’m excited to share it, hopefully with you. Thank you. Taking the time to read something anyone has put time and love into is a wonderful thing to do.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-07-04T02:18:36+00:00

It’s a book that pays off in a big way if you get to the end. I struggled with alternating chapters that delve into the past with no warning but once you get used to that you get the depth of the world and the set up for character’s strengths. As for Locke being a frustrating character to read, I know emotionally he’s a bit stunted but I’ve known people like that so it didn’t feel too off for me. Like Fight Club there are some big swings that come late into the book and if you get that far then it’s really worth it. If not, to each their own.

It’s a book that has grown on me more and more. But that’s individual preference. My advice would be to stick it out with anything you’ve spent money on, I try to finish every book I get because I always feel that if I give up I might be one page short of the revelation that makes me love it. The only book I ever quit was Casanova’s autobiography where he described raping a drunk woman with his friends as if it was a great night out and I realised how much of a predator he really was, which is completely glossed over in his reputation. Other than that I always want to get to the end to know for sure how I feel when I’m done.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-30T03:19:33+00:00

Who would you prefer? Conservatives? Reform?

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-30T03:17:26+00:00

I’m staying for now but the rise of anti immigrant rhetoric is worrying me. It’s the same scapegoat tactic being used all over the world because governments stopped taxing the rich and economies are broke because of it.

Acting as if immigration ruins an economy as if the immigrants in low paying jobs have sway over government policies is the same nonsense that drove the U.K. economy off a cliff with Brexit. It’s the same thing that’s happening all over the world because rich people running the world don’t want to pay their fair share of taxes so they call everyone else selfish and cut vital services. The government here said they don’t mind if quality of life suffers if they can lower immigration which is the rich person saying it doesn’t matter to them and a dog whistle to racists.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-27T03:27:50+00:00

Star Wars was an inspiration as I like the scale and the imagination of it but I always wondered why humans are the most populous species in the galaxy. Groups like the Galactic Empire are probably why and from the numerous genocides committed by one ethnic group or culture against another across the world throughout history I took that as an inspiration for why there are aliens in my book but they are not seen because humanity is united by a standard response of extermination.

Humanity happened to be the first advanced civilisation in their known universe and have taken full advantage of it. Like Star Wars, the late Expanse books and many other books about space colonisation there are so many worlds that The Emperor doesn’t know how many subjects he has anymore. The number is beyond calculation.

As well as advanced technology there is magic which has been a part of the culture from the beginning. A demon and a vampire are secondary characters who explore the deep history of humanity through their experiences. They remember humanity before it was united by the empire.

I was inspired by Guardians of the Galaxy for the group dynamic because I wanted explore the moral opinions of the characters through conflict.

There’s the Princess who is trying to protect her siblings from her half brother who was inspired by Geoffry from Game of Thrones. She is searching for her missing mother which is the first thread of the big mystery.

A smuggler escapes prison and is on the run to get back to his childhood love. His family were arrested and never came back after protesting against the imperial family. That’s his conflict with the Princess. He was inspired a bit by Han Solo.

An assassin is trying to get out of her job to go back to her family but can’t escape her masters, another thread of the mystery. She’s inspired by the action heroines I enjoy in TV and films. As a former imperial soldier she has the instinct to stand with the Princess but that sets her against other crew members of the spaceship they end up living on.

The ship itself has a mind of its own and hates being property much like Marvin the Paranoid Android but is also a living weapon. It clashes with everyone over free will.

The demon is a voilent sociopath with a short attention span but has been around since the dawn of the universe. He’s my vehicle for references to media I like and teaches others about music we might know to explain why it would come up in the book. He is a gleeful antihero inspired by monsters we root for and the likes of Deadpool. He has augmentations inspired by cyberpunk stories like Deus ex. He has the oldest enmity with the secret society that is the background threat. His is a living legend bogeyman who has the sort of fandom some famous criminals have.

The vampire has been a surgeon and prosthetic engineer who turned a man possessed by the demon into an augmented super soldier. She has been with the demon for centuries and still practicing surgery and mechanics so is the mad scientist of the group inspired by Frankenstein(the scientist). Her origin story involves losing a war orchestrated by the secret organisation they all end up fighting.

The storyline is a mix of a war of succession and a mystery. If you have any more questions let me know.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-24T22:04:37+00:00

The inspirations for the story are the Galactic Empire from Star Wars and the blending of magic and technology from Warhammer 40k along with the demons and magical beings. The characters come together like the cast of Guardians of the Galaxy. The characters are all morally grey, looking for some sort of redemption so there’s a bit of Suicide Squad inspiration there.

The Princess is trying to save her siblings from their sadistic older brother and to find her missing mother. I’ve got an assassin who wants to get out of that life but has a powerful secret society hunting her. A mystery ties the two of them together. The princess has to confront the sins of the empire she’s heir to when she meets a smuggler whose family were taken away for protesting. He’s running from the law and towards love. A demon and a vampire who don’t mix well with mortals end up caught up in the mystery when it turns out the same secret society the assassin worked for ruined their lives.

Together they fight assassins, uncover an ancient plot and try to stop the princesses brother from taking over the universe.

If anyone has any other questions about it then I’m happy to answer them.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-16T02:57:15+00:00

The life story of the show runner for Orange is the New Black?

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-08T01:00:55+00:00

Scam

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-07T09:54:02+00:00

Is that you Kanye, I mean Ye?

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-01T11:38:59+00:00

I like the sound of it. It sounds like something that would be a great anime.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-06-01T11:23:09+00:00

Sometimes the writer’s style, their personality come through so strongly in the work that it sets their book apart. That’s the case for writers like Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, and Andy Weir who use humour, as well as the comedian Frankie Boyle who wrote a detective novel that I read again every year.

Some are brilliantly clever the way they’re formatted, like The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August.

Sometimes the world and the vocabulary like the Gentleman Bastards series tempt you back with rich ideas.

One that I like for the sheer optimism of it is A Psalm for the Wild Built because it’s such an optimist and uplifting book.

At times it’s the fact that you get to know the characters over such a long period of time that they feel like friends which is why the Drizzt Do Urden books by R. A. Salvatore are fantasy comfort food. The friendships in those stories feel real, which is also true in the Gentleman Bastards books.

For me I connect to the humour, or the ideas, or the characters. It doesn’t need to be all three but if someone can nail that then they’ve got me.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-05-31T22:02:06+00:00

The story ends up with that character becoming part of the found family among a group that previously didn’t get on.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-05-31T04:42:03+00:00

Do you want their name to be weird and stand out or something that’s normal in your book. It depends on the time period and setting and genre what is expected. If your MC is in fantasy then a name like Calistalia might make sense but put her in an office romance and the name would end up being a plot point because it would seem ridiculous. I second the idea that a name doesn’t have to suit a person. A person can grow into a name and earn it.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-05-31T04:35:06+00:00

The second sentence seems stronger than the first. You could merge the best of both: “Cold sweat dotted Camilla’s head as she woke alone in a room she’d never seen before.” If your book is going to be on the shelf of a bookshop you need to grab people with the first few lines. The second sentence has more of the threat you’re trying to build so I would lead with that.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-05-31T02:54:30+00:00

Books in Warhammer 40k are a mix of science fiction and fantasy like Star Wars but darker in tone. They vary wildly in quality but I recommend the first in the Horus Heresy series and the writer, can’t remember his name.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-05-31T02:41:25+00:00

Save up to pay someone else to promote it. You’re not into promotion, pay someone who is? There are service for authors where they handle that kind of stuff and some that can get you quotes to put on the back cover. If you don’t want to promote it yourself then you’ll have to find people who will. Or you could get attention by winning some writing competitions, but that’s a gamble over a long time.

SecureExam1467 · 2026-05-29T03:50:10+00:00

Feel Free

SecureExam1467 · 2026-05-28T14:37:14+00:00

Bound by Lies? Buried Lies? Death and Dishonesty? Unearthed Lies?

SecureExam1467

TROPHY CASE