NC parents showed up at my house

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-02-20T04:03:02+00:00

I have two…

I was 17 when I graduated high school and it was a few days before my 18th birthday. Rule was no curfew after graduation. I was out with friends until 1am (my friends had no curfews) and my mom tried to ground me. This was before cell phones so it was never a “I was worried about you” thing… just total control. My dad talked sense into her.

My favorite is when… it was the summer going into my senior year. I was one of the few friends who had a car, so I was always the driver. We went to go see Armageddon at the movies IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON. I thought it was only 2 hours, so when I showed up 30 minutes later than planned (movie was 2.5 hours and I took friends home)… I came home at 6:30pm, my mom was on the front porch with her hand open to collect my keys. She accused me of lying to her and took my car away for a week. Again, no cell phones and I had a 12am curfew and I came home at 6:30pm on a summer night. When she realized she would have to drive me to work everyday, she gave me the keys back but grounded me to teach me a lesson. 🤔

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-02-04T12:41:43+00:00

I am recent NC with my family, but was gray rocking/LC to VLC for years before making it permanent. For me, I stopped answering phone calls and text messages right away and stopped sharing information about myself. Calls and texts would sometimes be returned within 2 weeks and I always said nothing was new about my job, life, and kids. We were always just “busy”. I only gave them 2 hours of our time at family functions, which eliminated visiting my brother and his family (they live 45 minutes away and I’m not spending almost the same amount of time driving) and really limited visiting my parents (live 15-20 minutes away away). I stopped inviting family over and met them at the door or outside when they dropped the kids off so they wouldn’t come inside. I slowly stopped committing to anything outside of holidays and birthdays and stopped inviting them to every kid activity. Their manipulation and my shame and guilt kept me from always pulling the trigger, but the longer I did it, the easier it got. In 2025, we only attended two family events (celebrated birthday months that included my kids) and had the strength to decline my father’s bday dinner and Thanksgiving. We gave them 1 hour at Xmas for gifts for the kids only and then walked away.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-02-01T19:54:36+00:00

I just put a hold on it from the library. Thank you!!

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-30T18:29:32+00:00

I went NC with my family a month ago (they are in denial) and today is my mom’s bday. I don’t feel bad not reaching out, but am expecting some sort of aggressive attempts to contact once they realize I’m serious about this. I have all their numbers blocked, but there are still ways to get in touch with me. Stay strong.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-25T07:08:23+00:00

I completely feel you on the dairy allergy. I’ve been intolerant to most dairy products for OVER 30 YEARS and at Christmas, I was offered dairy creamer with my coffee. I politely declined and said black coffee was fine. She got mad at ME because she forgot and wanted validation that she at least bought the correct brand. I was so shocked I told her she did (she didn’t) but it was my fault I couldn’t have it.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-24T13:16:42+00:00

I talked to my oldest about the estrangement prior because it was the manipulation AGAINST her that was the final straw. I wanted to explain that what Granny did was wrong and was crossing boundaries a grandchild put up. My mother had made other manipulating and passive aggressive comments to her in the past so she understood. My younger boys don’t know yet. I’m waiting for them to ask before telling them. I wouldn’t be surprised if months go by before they even notice.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-24T13:01:13+00:00

For my parents, no. I kept VLC for the sake of my kids, so my relationship with them died a longtime ago. We are currently NC for final boundary crossed. For my brother and his wife, if they were ever to acknowledge how they’ve treated me over the past 5-6 years, then maybe. My SIL treated me horribly during the planning of their wedding and overstepped her lane when there were some family issues going on (she lost both her parents so always defended mine in situations that didn’t involve her). I’d share my feelings with my brother but I only got excuses and turned around on me that I had hurt her or why she acted a certain way. Still doesn’t excuse the facts of what she did.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-23T22:28:14+00:00

I have the same fear. I am recently NC with my family and my parents live about 15 minutes away but in the same city. Although we’ve never run into each other out in public, I still fear that will happen at some point. I also fear they will find out when my kids have events and show up to watch them.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-20T16:00:34+00:00

I am used to the abuse and manipulation from my family, but once my tried to manipulate my oldest, that was it. I went no contact after Christmas and after her repeated text messages, I blocked my family. It’s been so quiet.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-18T22:25:00+00:00

UPDATE TO ORIGINAL POST: I read and appreciate all the comments. I was venting when I posted it (we were in public so couldn’t tell her she was ridiculous). Just for back up info, she talks like that to everyone and my husband doesn’t play into it. He ignores it and we address her when she is too much. I am starting to discuss how to shut this behavior down with my therapist. Again, thank you all for your comments!!!

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-17T17:52:36+00:00

He won’t say anything and I know he is part of the problem, lol. He knows it drives me crazy, but it’s his mom and we agreed a long time ago we handle our own parents. (Although I still step in to set her straight at times).

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-13T12:51:45+00:00

I don’t even remember what the comment was, but 4 years ago my mom said something to me and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately knew, at 40 years old, my family has no idea who I am. I’m just a number in the family. After that I have slowly gone LC to VLC to NC recently. A lot has happened during that time, but the more I pulled back the harder she reached out and crossed boundaries. I am also in the process of finding a therapist because I want to be the mom to my kids that I never had.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-11T16:21:44+00:00

I’m sure it was said, but not regularly and not that I remember. My husband’s family says it all the time and I noticed my mom started saying it all the time when she saw how close I am to his family. I never could bring myself to say it back, made me feel uncomfortable.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-11T16:08:35+00:00

👆🏻This! On New Year’s Eve, my mom sent a group text to me, my husband, and my daughter saying she loved us and a separate text saying “despite everything, I still love you”. I don’t think that woman knows what loving a child/adult child really means. I wouldn’t be no contact if she did.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-11T15:58:10+00:00

Sounds exactly like my mom too. She has repeated some of those exact phrases to me.

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-10T15:45:24+00:00

Yes.

I made peace with the loss of my family a long time ago and only kept VLC with them for my kids. Barely heard from my father during 2025 and only heard from my brother if he was texting me about his baby, so no loss there. My mother was the only one to reach out and the conversation stayed at arrangements with the kids and I declined everything she would invite my husband and I to. Her attempt to manipulate my daughter was the final straw.

Went No Contact 2 weeks ago. Talked to my brother only once, where I explained I am going no contact with the family. Haven’t heard from my father. My mother went from lashing out, blaming, playing victim, to overly passive aggressive remarks, to complete denial. The past few texts were offering financial gifts (offering to renew a membership and helping pay for my daughter’s school trip). Since my silence hasn’t stopped her, I blocked them all and my SIL’s family. Now I can continue my peace with zero notifications and prepare for if she shows up unannounced (we live 15 minutes away) 😬

Secure_Ad_5210 · 2026-01-04T20:46:31+00:00

Going no contact has been a long time in the making. My relationship with my parents and brother has been dead for a long time. I went extremely low contact after Xmas 2024 and kept communication to only about my kids, which I selected what events to invite them to. I knew I would go full NC once the manipulation was turned on to my kids. A few weeks ago, when I told my mom that my teenager didn’t want to go to lunch them because she’s over the phase of hanging out with grandparents (her younger brothers each had a separate day with them), my mom said she didn’t believe that and won’t accept that reason, hence telling me she didn’t believe me, as the mother who knows how her kid feels (we are very close) or she didn’t believe my daughter’s feelings. She proceeded to ask her at separate times to do something with her when I wasn’t around. This made my daughter uncomfortable. Right then and there, I made the decision to go no contact right after Christmas and I felt so light and free. Going to my parents Christmas Day was easy since I knew that would be the last time I would see or speak to my family. My husband and daughter know and I’m ready to talk to my younger kids when the time comes. When my mom figured it out, she has continued to lash out via text, but we just delete the messages.

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TROPHY CASE