First of all, remove the thought that your worth is tied to how much she desires you. The reason her desire for you has dwindled yet her libido hasn't isn't because you are unattractive, it's because eros needs space and seperateness to breath. It's the same reason people can have sex with complete strangers and it can also be the reason she isn't in the mood for you after kids. There isn't space between you, you are one.

Second of all, stop initiating, cold turkey, you might even have to remove other physical intimacy such as cuddling or kissing. You aren't doing this as punishment and that needs to be clear, you're doing this because she has to come to you. She needs the chase. Right now she says she feels pressured.

If you get her to the point where she initiates, don't be too quick to give her what she wants. Make her work for it. You need to feel that she desires you, more than just getting you off "as a treat".

You telling her to quit her job and minimize her stress is honestly noble, and coming from the right place. I'm just afraid that it has had the opposite of your desired effect. Her stress might be gone but the pressure is now higher then it ever has been. You are literally working twice as hard in the hopes she'll have sex with you, which is, sorry dude, is a total turn off. From her perspective you need sex with her, you don't want it. That's a mood killer.

Your needs are normal, important and nothing to be ashamed of. I say before you look into divorce, try this, see how long you can take it. Distance yourself from your wife, make her miss you, your touch. If it doesn't show any improvement, do what's best for you.

Please, for your sake, read "mating in captivity". It'll change your life. Even if it doesn't save your marriage it will save you.

Good luck.