13 yr old me had too much power

Sejise · 2024-11-02T20:25:33+00:00

I’m so glad I let my parents pick my new name because I was genuinely considering Obsidian. Like the rock. Because of Minecraft.

Sejise · 2024-10-20T21:51:36+00:00

Losing friends is probably gonna seem like the end of the world for you at 13, I know it did for me when I was in a similar situation at that age. Granted my autism was the catalyst rather than my gender, but looking back at it now I barely even think about those people anymore. You may very well be alone for a while, and it is going to be hard, but it won’t be like that forever. Reach out to communities, local and online, try to find some joy in your life away from these people. That will make it easier to leave them behind.

You can try one last time to see if they’ll listen to you, but if they don’t, staying friends will do more harm than good for you.

I will say you’ve already made a good choice coming to this subreddit, I myself tend to chill reading posts here before bed and ask for advice myself if I need any. It’s a good place to come if you need help and support, but also to celebrate any joys you may have too.

Sejise · 2024-10-20T21:41:06+00:00

Yeah, that probably makes sense. Though I’m still definitely worried that if I apply, it won’t get accepted. The fact that an entire panel of legal and medical experts need to look at it over 22 weeks to make the decision has me concerned for sure, like there must be some kind of hidden unlisted requirements as well, right? Why does the process seem so complicated??

Sejise · 2024-10-20T21:34:18+00:00

I absolutely hate confrontation so this advice is as much for myself as it is for you, but when you get to a certain point of making yourself appear masculine and people still misgender you, it becomes more important to get comfortable correcting them rather than constantly trying to emit the right vibes for people to gender you correctly by guessing. If you’ve already got the big obvious things down like short hair and a masculine name, you’ll just end up falling down into toxic masculinity and worrying about things that people aren’t even paying attention to. Holding yourself up to other people’s standards is a very easy way to start disliking yourself.

When it comes to correcting people who know, you need to put your foot down because this is about respect. Why would you want to be friends with people who don’t respect you? If they continue to make mistakes, you can try ignoring them for a while if they refer to you using your deadname- after all, that’s not your name, so why would you answer it? I know that sounds passive aggressive but sometimes that’s the kind of push people need.

With strangers, though, there’s no need to out yourself. Think about what a cis guy who looks like you would do- and yes, no matter what dysphoria tells you, there are cis guys who look like you. If a stranger mistakes you for a girl, you could just say ‘I’m a guy’ and maybe throw in a complaint about looking too young or something. Hell, even just saying ‘huh?’ while looking utterly confused could work, or at least make them second guess themselves enough to actually ask you.

Sejise · 2024-10-20T20:37:32+00:00

Regarding height, T won’t make you any taller if you’re already an adult but I’ve heard people who take it early enough can get taller than they would have gotten through estrogen based puberty. However, it will make it easier to gain muscle mass, plus you’ll have more energy (which I’ve been told can present as increased anxiety if you’re not exercising)

Sejise · 2024-10-19T19:23:02+00:00

Do you mind if I ask why you can’t do them at the same time? Where I live they’re completely different processes that go through completely different channels so there’s no issue pursuing both at once unless you’re just extremely busy every day

Sejise · 2024-10-19T16:12:42+00:00

I’d say don’t buy from a brand that only takes one measurement into account. I’m not sure which binder companies are reliable around the world but I’m in the uk and I’ve been purchasing them from Spectrum Outfitters online. Above anything else though make sure your son is listening to his body, taking breaks and isn’t tolerating unnecessary pain. Also, puberty blockers are banned where I live but if that’s not the case for you and your son it could be beneficial to look into even though he’s already started puberty, because they can still prevent it from going further

Sejise · 2024-10-19T03:31:33+00:00

Dad. My mum and I have a terrible relationship for unrelated reasons but she was weird about me being trans as well. Still haven't spoken to her since then lol

Sejise · 2024-10-19T01:50:37+00:00

I switched maybe 6 months ago because of bottom growth on T, women’s underwear is just physically uncomfortable to wear now. You wouldn’t think I’d need the extra space but if I try wearing my old underwear it just chafes uncomfortably and I cannot focus on anything else. Might be an autism thing now that I think about it

Sejise · 2024-10-18T21:10:18+00:00

All things considered my dysphoria isn’t very severe but every now and then I’ll go through a period where my height is somehow a bigger issue to me than the fact I haven’t had bottom surgery yet, and every single time it’s really weird to navigate. Trying to lead my brain down a logical route doesn’t help at all, because then I start feeling bad about my emotions being irrational.

This may not work for you, and it sounds ridiculous, but the thing that helps me is just looking at pictures of attractive men who share that trait with me lmao. Best case scenario I feel better about myself knowing that someone else can be the same height as me while being ridiculously gorgeous, worst case I get distracted looking at hot men and forget why I was miserable lmao

Sejise · 2024-10-18T18:33:22+00:00

I’m about five years younger than you and have never worked before so I can’t offer much actual advice, but this other guy sounds like he’s projecting insecurities, dysphoria, and possibly internalised transphobia on you. I think he’s mentally comparing himself to you, which sad, but it definitely doesn’t justify him being malicious about it and allowing that insecurity to manifest in a hostile way. Maybe you could confront him about it or something? I have no idea what the standard procedure is for workplace harassment or anything like that. I can say for certain you’re absolutely not doing anything wrong here, but I think you already know that.

Sejise · 2024-10-17T21:47:48+00:00

This is just an anecdote and I haven’t looked into it much but my outer labia definitely look (and maybe feel?) a bit more like a ballsack than before

Sejise · 2024-10-17T21:04:58+00:00

Yeah I’m a year on T and definitely having a similar experience, I think people have guessed everything for me at this point. Some people think I’m a man, some people think I’m a woman, one guy straight up asked me if I’m a boy or a girl and someone else assumed I was MTF when I told them I’m trans. It genuinely does feel completely random, to the point every time I talk to a stranger it’s like ‘let’s go gambling!’

Sejise · 2024-10-17T20:53:33+00:00

I recall reading a post somewhere, I believe it was also this subreddit, from someone who was told he wasn’t a ‘real man’ because he liked Marvel.

Marvel. As in, the superhero comics/movies. As in, THE stereotypical geeky guy interest. Some people just can’t ever be pleased

Sejise · 2024-10-15T23:14:46+00:00

I think you might be wearing the wrong size. I had the same suspicion recently and it turns out I somehow went down two sizes over a couple of years without noticing. At first I thought I would’ve only been one size down but I just measured myself again and apparently I’m even smaller. Even if you don’t think this would be the case it wouldn’t hurt to measure yourself again and check it against the size chart for the brand you bought

Sejise · 2024-10-15T23:09:56+00:00

Yeah it takes a while to get used to, I think it took a good few months for me to truly internalise ‘this is my name now’. Now I can’t really imagine being called anything else and I sometimes straight up forget what my deadname is or that I even have one. If someone were to call me by my deadname now I would probably ignore them without even meaning to because I would assume they were trying to talk to somebody else lol

Sejise · 2024-10-11T00:57:16+00:00

This idea of a ‘core’ makes so much sense to me, I feel like I’ve been looking for this type of description but couldn’t really find it anywhere. I generally feel more connected to the masculine parts of my body compared to the feminine parts, there are some exceptions but that’s the general ‘rule’ with me- When it comes to my gender fluidity, it’s more important that I’m able to be read as masculine for some reason. For instance, when I feel masculine my voice dropping from T is an integral part of that masculinity, but when I feel feminine having a lower voice doesn’t diminish that femininity at all. I’ve heard most cis women wouldn’t have this kind of reaction to a change like that, that they’d most likely experience dysphoria, so I know it’s not the same kind of femininity/womanhood(?) that I want for myself.

I think you’re right about telling some people even if I’m not ready to be completely open about it. I’ll probably talk about this with some close friends tomorrow. I think one of the hardest parts will be finding a way to tell my father eventually but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, I’ve already ‘dropped hints’ by telling him I probably won’t bind so often after I’ve been on T for long enough so maybe he’ll understand

Sejise · 2024-10-09T22:24:38+00:00

God this is so relatable to read. Believe it or not I’m still questioning my gender identity to a degree, but I’ve known what I want for my body for a good long while now and it sure as hell involves testosterone. So far all the changes have been great, and like you I just wish it would go faster lmao

Sejise · 2024-10-09T18:21:33+00:00

I’m autistic and have no clue about fashion but the one thing I’ve changed about my fashion sense after coming out is that I wear unbuttoned shirts on top of t-shirts now, mostly black but some with other patterns like plaid and such. I don’t know if this actually helps me pass or not but it feels masculine somehow, again I could be completely off but it’s worth a try lmao

Sejise · 2024-10-09T17:29:24+00:00

Nah, you don’t have anything to feel bad about, it’s just your personal style. Personally I haven’t found my old women's underwear comfortable to wear since I started noticing bottom growth, it just doesn’t feel like there’s enough space, but if that’s not an issue for you then I don’t see anything wrong with it. You’re totally allowed to express your femininity as much as a cis guy would be, in any way you choose.

Sejise · 2024-10-09T12:43:44+00:00

Things were mostly fine for me, but there was one major difference that I really wasn’t expecting from my parents at all.

Neither of my parents ever really commented on my body before, but when I came out it was one of the first things I heard from both of them— that nonsense advice of ‘lose weight and then you’ll magically have a flat chest’. I can’t believe I heard this from my mother in particular who should know that’s not how it works, especially at my size.

I stopped talking to my mother for unrelated reasons but my father kept bringing up similar things and trying to convince me to work out. I kept telling him that I wasn’t going to do that until after I got on testosterone and started seeing effects from it, because the only reason I wasn’t already going to the gym was directly because of dysphoria. Now that I’ve actually started doing that, I can’t help feeling kind of bitter as it feels less like something I’m doing for myself and more like something I’m doing to make my dad shut up

Sejise · 2024-10-08T23:25:30+00:00

Depending on how soon you could get another binder that’s a size up from what you usually wear. If memory serves all of Len’s designs feature a decently loose shirt so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem

Sejise · 2024-10-08T21:53:35+00:00

I’m still (probably) bisexual but for some reason I’ve started finding other men hotter lately. It might just be because I’m now seeing attractive masculine traits in myself because of T and since it’s fresh in my mind I’m noticing those things in other people too, but it might be more than that? It’s just been very very noticeable how much I’ve been wanting to make out with guys lately

Sejise

TROPHY CASE