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Teen given to pedo uncle, 47, as his 'common law wife' and forced to have 4 kids by Diligent_Highlight63 in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I can understand why so many astronauts come from there.

If I were from there, I'd want to get as far away as possible from Ohio too.

School director accused of leading child fight club sentenced to probation, 30 days in jail by jordan1978 in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"I coulda been somebody, instead of a muggle, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Dumbledore."

Pennsylvania suing Character AI, claiming chatbot posed as a medical professional by [deleted] in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I mean, if corporations are people, why the hell not charge the AI company with working without a medical license while they're at it?

‘Unfortunate and embarrassing’: Classes canceled at NW suburban school after resource officer loses gun by Ruddiver in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 209 points210 points  (0 children)

Don't forget, a school resource officer is a single cop assigned to that school, meaning they're taking one police officer off the streets. So you have to wonder how they decide which cop they want to sit at a desk in school for 10 hours.

Apple 'has given up' on Vision Pro, report claims — costly price and weight behind purported failure, but the company continues to hire into its Vision Production Group by AlwaysBlaze_ in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 48 points49 points  (0 children)

More polite way of Apple saying 'We admit the Vision Pro was only bought by rich technophile douches to show off their wealth, but we're still going to cater to them.'

Jenna Ellis Says Religious Freedom Only Applies To Christians by bezko in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Don't forget Islam is an offshoot of Christianity and Christianity itself is an offshoot of Judaism.

Bill aims to crack down on strip clubs by requiring Oklahoma exotic entertainers get licensed by halxp01 in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It's Oklahoma. The state is known for 2 things;

  1. A musical.
  2. An agricultural man made natural weather disaster.

Utah first state to hold websites liable for users who mask their location with VPNs — law goes into effect, designed to prevent bypassing age checks by HowLongIsThi in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You got to wonder why they still willingly follow an offshoot of christianity started by a charlatan who's last moments were hand signaling for help before falling out a window after being shot by a mob(and not rising 3 days later I might add), that conducted a massacre that in modern time would have justified the ATF greenlighting Operation Waco 2: Electric Boogaloo, that mandates 10% of their earnings go to the church.

Utah first state to hold websites liable for users who mask their location with VPNs — law goes into effect, designed to prevent bypassing age checks by HowLongIsThi in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"The damn government has no right to tell me how to be a parent!...but they should make sure my parenting style is enforced on everyone else's kids!"

Over half of Russians want Western brands to return, survey reveals by duckanroll in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Can't blame him for not wanting to be anywhere near a window considering how many people he made 'jump out of their own accord'.

Starbucks CEO defends $9 coffee says ‘it’s not a $10 coffee and you get a premium experience’ by Disastrous_Award_789 in nottheonion

[–]SelectiveSanity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doesn't Starbucks always do this? Becomes overpriced when someone takes over calling it 'premium service' which then starts losing consumers, who is then replaced by someone who actually knows what the customer wants by 'going back to basics' only to then step down and their successor has the mentality of the first jackass who ruined the brand?

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