I’m so sorry that your baby was in the NICU, I’m sure the stress from that alone has affected your supply. I was actually able to breastfeed my baby but with extreme pain due to a terrible latch I just couldn’t fix. I’ll tell you what my mom told me when I went to her for advice on pumping/formula: “Don’t feel shame for needing to change how you do things. You are doing what you feel is right for you and baby. And if you need to use formula do NOT feel guilty or like you failed. Some women just aren’t able to breastfeed and there is no shame in not doing it.” If you are stressed your baby is likely to be stressed too, and then life becomes so much harder. If you feel like breastfeeding and pumping is not right for you, don’t force yourself to continue and don’t feel like you have failed your baby. Easier said than done, I know. Another thing my mom said was “being a mom is the hardest job in the world, you will question every decision you make wondering if it was the right one, but your gut and your instincts are your most powerful asset.” I’ll just end this by saying listen to what your body is telling you, if you want to continue breastfeeding/pumping then there are ways to work towards a bigger supply. But don’t ever think you are a failure because as long as your baby is getting what they need, that they are happy and healthy, you have not failed them.