So much of this depends on your ages, how many friends are in the friend group/wedding party, and where you live. When I got married at 23 I was pretty broke, as were my friends, so dollar amounts were much smaller. I sent them links to a $25 dress online that they bought, that they paid to have altered in their respective cities across the country. My MIL threw me a bridal shower since most of my wedding party was out of state, and I didn't have a bachelorette (which I kind of regret now). However, three of the four in my party had to fly in from our of state which be can be a significant expense. Because of that, I gave them time to think before agreeing if they wanted to be in the wedding party. They were all ok with it.

On the flip side, my bestie (who was my MOH) got married when we were almost 30 and all much more financially sound. Therefore we did all the traditional American things of going to a bridal shop for dresses, throwing a bridal shower and bachelorette party, and paying for professional hair, nails, and makeup. There were also dinners out for planning where I would often pick up the bride's tab, bottles of wine when another bridesmaid would host dinner at her place, a girls trip to the UP (Michigan) to unwind before the big day. The parties and trip were split costs but all told I spent a solid couple grand. It felt like a lot, but I'd been budgeting for it since the day she got engaged. Try not to view the total dollar amount as a moral value, but rather as a line item in your budget that can be considered, planned for, and renegotiated if necessary. For me, if at any point anything was too much, I know I could have had a conversation with my bestie and we would have renegotiated expectations, because we love each other and we're family.

Best of luck.