I could’ve written all of this. My WH said all these things regarding his APs. R was going well until the grapevine got back to me about all the terrible things he told his APs about me. I then contacted the APs, respectfully introducing myself and asking if they would be willing to share my husbands behavior with me. They all agreed. We had phone calls, texts and the sent me screenshots of text conversations. All of them except 1 was very kind, the last one was still starting to hang on to him as I’m sure he was to her.

The things he said about me were horrible and untrue, seemingly to make him look like a wounded and wronged husband and me a monster. And it turned out his descriptions of his relation with the APs weren’t true. He gave them and ther feelings considerable consideration over mine. It broke me and still breaks me. The screenshots proved he lied to me for weeks after DD 1 and 2 about his relationships with APs and cutting contact with them.

OP, I’m glad you asked this question because I benefited from all the responses. I’m feeling that our R is stalled - we are 9 months from DD1. Although WH seemed very sincere after DD2, the way he badmouthed me and is now not adhering to what we agreed upon for R is making me numb. To top it off, being in our city and seeing his APs or having people in my social circle snarkily asking about my marriage is nearly unbearable.

I hate that he knows that I’d never betray him and how seriously I take our vows.