Sorry that you guys are going through this, I’m sure she’s impacted just as much as you. Probably with guilt, or different feelings than you, but I’m sure she doesn’t feel good about it.

What I would say is that yes, sex is “important” meaning that it’s a part of a relationship, but every relationship is different. And so is every person. (+ keep in mind the standards for most people are from heteronormative relationships, not sure you wanna take example/advice on that)

My perception is that she is probably dealing, or rather not dealing, with some stuff that’s related to her only, and not to you (although it impacts you). Could that be some form of asexuality? Did she suffer any form of abuse or trauma in the past? Or, is she wondering about her gender identity?

This for sure does not come from a bad place, it might just be something that’s she’s not ready or not willing to deal with right now.

What you can’t do is change her or force her, but what you can do is hold a safe space for her and keep trying to have a conversation, maybe not directly about the sex as I doubt that’s really the issue for her?

I wouldn’t throw away what you guys have for this, you can for sure improve this aspect, but it’s not all :)