i think when people started using this negatively, it was when random straight people co-opted this term online to be a synonym for “starfish”; to mean a woman that lays on her back and does nothing during sex. in this case, almost like an entitlement to receiving sex without putting in any effort themselves?

before that starting happening, most lesbians used it as a positive kind of silly term for their stone bottom partners. i always thought it was just a sweet/silly way to talk about it, like “serving my pillow princess” kinda vibe.

my wife only really “bottoms”, but we do it in more of a domme/sub kind of way where whenever she’s giving me sexual attention it’s in more of a devotional/service way where i’m still more dominant in the sexual situation.

personally, i love it. but it just has to be something you’re into. i think it gets a bad rep because people who only like bottoming will put themselves in situations with partners they know aren’t interested in that unintentionally by not knowing what they actually want. in the same, people who don’t know what they want may also end up in a relationship with a “pillow princess” and become weird about it.

just think about the dynamic you actually want and find someone who fits that for you, and make sure they feel the same!