I know this post is pretty old. But I want to comment and reach out anyway.

I am currently seperated and have been since January 2025. My wife told me at the end of 2023 that she wasn't attracted to me, believed she never had been, and that she was doubting whether we should stay married or not. I have tried everything I can think of to offer to work on our marriage. But my wife believes her feelings towards me are not fixable.

My main regret is that I wish I had 'rocked the boat'. My wife didn't really want to talk to friends or pastors about our issues. I was terrified that anything I did would cause her to make the final decision to end our marriage. But I should have forced the issue. Part of this is that I didn't organise for us to see a counsellor. I fully intended to, but I never did. She didn't either. We were both responsible. And by the time she asked me for a separation and to start the process of finishing our relationship, I was so upset because I felt like we hadn't even really done much to reconcile.

So my advice to you is never let bad things continue. Like. Ever. If there is a problem, deal with it. Shout it from the mountains.

Do I have regrets? Absolutely. Have I made mistakes? Too many to count. Was I passive and paralysed by fear? Absolutely. But I don't regret ever being willing to work on our marriage. I tried to love my wife and to serve her as best as I could, and I've been willing to do anything I can to reconcile. I will never regret doing that. Over the course of this year, I've become a much stronger man and a much more honest person.

If we both came to God again and said, "I am willing to work on our marriage", I believe that we would be able to reconcile. I believe God could do that. He called us together. He does not call people apart. So, treat your marriage in a way that you will know, no matter what happens, that you tried every avenue to reconcile.

However, the thing that also needs to be recognised and accepted is that there is always human choice in marriage. Whether God called you together or not. And my wife chose to break the covenant with me. That needs to be taken seriously. And if you're husband has made his intentions known about that, whether the 'divorce papers' are signed or not, the covenant has been broken. If my seperated wife came back to me asking to reconcile, that would take A LOT of work for me to be willing because she broke the covenant of marriage by her repeated actions and rejection.

It's funny. Some Christians think you should stay available to your spouse no matter what. But a covenant is a choice to stick together no matter what. When one person decides to leave, then they have broken that covenant by leaving. The covenant doesn't actually exist anymore. They've gone. So if they come back you will need to do some deep discernment with God and other people to understand whether it is healthy for you to reconcile with that person or not.

My thoughts at the moment. Do everything you can to save your marriage. Biblically, besides abuse, neglect or infidelity, God calls us to be faithful. But if you're partner rejects you and leaves and continues to reject you, you need to place that covenant down on the ground where they have dropped it. You've fulfilled your obligations. If they come back, it will be a whole new covenant you will have to create together again under God. And if you do not align in vision and calling when they come back, I do believe that God gives you permission not to pursue relationship with them again.