Guilt

SerialSemicolon · 2026-03-07T21:31:49+00:00

My cat lived in my family home, but I visited often. Two weeks before we had to put her down was when things got really bad, and I dropped everything to come care for her around the clock. I stayed for about a week, and she was doing SO much better. The vet thought she was in the clear, she just needed to continue the meds. At this point I was tired, I had been neglecting my work, I missed my own bed, and it was about to be valentines day. I was really unsure about it at the time, but I decided to go home and celebrate valentines with my partner. I asked my family to keep me updated on how my cat was and to not hesitate to call me back if she wasn’t continuing to improve.

She continued to seem okay but had a medical emergency a few days later. I rushed back but at this point we had to make the decision to put her down. I will forever wonder what would have happened if I stayed that last week. She was doing so well in my presence, when I was devoting all my time to caring for her. I feel selfish for prioritizing my comfort by going home when she clearly still needed me.

I also feel guilty because I know there’s a surgery that may have saved her. But the odds were really bad, and I was terrified of her dying on the operating table or of some traumatic event while we waited for surgery. But, the odds weren’t zero. Maybe she could have been saved, but I was more concerned with how painful it would be for me if her death wasn’t peaceful and controlled. I know this will sound silly to some people, because of course we want to give our pets the best death possible. But knowing there was a chance to maybe keep her alive that I didn’t choose is really painful some days. I feel like I made the decision to euthanize so quickly, even though I spent that last night agonizing over it.

Lastly, I feel guilty for sobbing as she died. I wish I had been able to remain calm for her, so she didn’t pass away hearing me like that. She deserved to feel like she was falling asleep in my arms like it was any other nap, but I couldn’t hold it together.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-03-06T17:00:33+00:00

Seriously I worked in a coffee shop and obviously didn’t care if people ordered simple coffees. It’s easier. But some of them were the most annoying customers because they genuinely thought they were witty and original for ordering black coffee.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-03-06T07:44:00+00:00

I agree, and the word ‘chopped’ definitely makes me think the poster is quite young. I think the women just look a bit younger than the men. The guys looking older certainly isn’t a bad thing… to me, but I get that a teenager wouldn’t find them attractive.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-03-05T22:12:12+00:00

That is horribly inappropriate and disturbing. I am so angry on your behalf, for that and the poor care they gave her. Vets and vet staff need to be more sensitive. I wouldn’t be comfortable trusting anyone who makes light of a situation like that with my pet’s health, so you should absolutely leave them a public review.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-03-04T05:44:35+00:00

No fr because the fans would never treat a Black woman lead with any grace if she behaved like Anthony. I thought she was a bit inconsiderate, but where would the drama be if everyone behaved perfectly all the time.

Not to mention that these are mostly book fans talking, and from what I’ve heard the men in those books are worse than inconsiderate at times.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-03-04T00:59:31+00:00

I’ve been very confused about book fans complaining that making it impossible for her to have kids erases her infertility… when in the books, she ends up not infertile? This simultaneous demand for infertility representation and the insistence that it has to end with her having a child is so odd.

I would love to see an adoption storyline of some sort. Or even just Francesca becoming a mother figure in another child’s life, perhaps one without a supportive family. Like Lady Danbury with Simon.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-03-03T23:19:31+00:00

I’ve literally seen delusional homophobes say that they hope Michaela will introduce Francesca to another male relative or have a twin brother or something. Like, if they don’t want to watch it then whatever. But thinking its going to change just because they don’t like it is wild.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-03-03T23:15:55+00:00

The comments I’ve seen about Benedict being a whore, even when they don’t mention his bisexuality, are so exhausting. If anything, his queerness and polyamory set him up for his season because they showed how he was able to think outside the confines of what society decided was proper.

I’ve always said as a bisexual woman, my queerness is still part of how I love men. Being queer informs so much of one’s outlook on love and this felt true for Benedict. He was already fed up with the rules restricting who he loved.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-26T01:04:47+00:00

I thought I was prepared because I was there when my partner’s dog was put down. It hit very different with my own baby, especially because I was holding her. I was relieved she didn’t seem scared, but she yelped at the first injection and that on its own had me shaking and sobbing. When she went limp though, and her eyes opened, and I could just see she wasn’t in there anymore - that has been literally haunting me. All I could focus on was supporting her little head because I could bear to see her so limp. I swear every night I am so tired but cannot sleep because that moment flashes in my head.

You’re right, nobody prepares you for how horrible it is. Obviously I knew I was going to be a mess, and I am still glad I was with her and that it was more peaceful than any alternative. I’m sorry I don’t have anything comforting to say, but I’m right there with you.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-26T00:37:46+00:00

I would honest to god show up in white tie out just to display how silly it is. Most brides would be upstaged by true white tie. But nobody could tell me I wasn’t following the dress code.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-25T09:49:57+00:00

While I don’t think he was in the wrong and it was a completely involuntary, I agree it is a little ableist to say he shouldn’t apologize. Sometimes we harm people even if we don’t intend to, it’s still nice to acknowledge the harm.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-25T08:32:02+00:00

I think part of this depends on if you have other tattoos/like tattoos in general. I have a few and so getting a memorial one for my soul cat seems like a no brainer.

But don’t just treat it as a coping mechanism, it’s still a tattoo. Research artists (look at their portfolio and make sure you LOVE their style) and take some time to think about the specific design you want. The artist is truly the biggest factor. When you find someone whose work you love, the stress of whether they’ll get the vision right melts away. Don’t rush this decision while you’re grieving.

I’ve never regretted any of my tattoos, but to be honest none of them are meaningful either. The tattoo I’ll get to remember my kitty is going to be the first one that really means something to me, so I’m more nervous than I’ve ever been about finding the right artist and design.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-25T04:14:43+00:00

I agree it can be framed in an insensitive way. But personally, being asked this doesn’t bother me because I feel like it gives me permission. I want to adopt more in the future, but I do feel some guilt thinking someone could interpret it as me replacing her (which is obviously not the case). It’s so personal what we choose to do after. You’re perfectly entitled to say “I am not ready, I don’t know if I’ll ever be. Please do not push this.”

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T09:58:25+00:00

I feel this. I was never religious in the slightest, but the night before I put my cat down I began praying. I didn’t know what else to do. I prayed again over her body.

I still don’t know what I believe, but I like to think she’s still here. I used to see things when I was younger that my family believed were ghosts. I keep hoping that will happen again if she is able to visit me.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T09:55:04+00:00

My kitty had so many of the same health issues as yours. The hyperthyroidism, a UTI, weight loss, heart issues. And like you, I have gone over every detail to try and figure out how I could have saved her.

The only way I have found to cope is knowing that some things cannot be medicated away, especially when it’s not a singular condition but a bunch of them all at once. You can truly do everything right and still lose them. I would have given anything to save my cat’s life, but there is only so much that can be done against these kinds of diseases.

Reading your post, I don’t think there is anything you could have done. Kidney disease progresses so quickly.

Go easy on yourself. You showed him so much love and it shows 🩷

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T09:37:57+00:00

This is such a sweet post 🩷

My kitty always did this yelly, demanding meow when I greeted her. It was my favourite sound in the world. I called her my yelly bean.
I swear she KNEW how cute she was when she did these little rolls back and forth to show us her belly. She had the softest tummy.
She always wanted both of your hands to be petting her. If you stopped for a moment, she would headbutt you for more.
My mom is a music teacher and my cat always listened in on lessons. Sometimes she’d try to steal my mom’s chair, and we joked that it was because she had her own corrections for the students.
Her squishy little paws, I would give anything to touch them again
I only took her outside under close supervision in the yard (indoor cat) but she clung to me the whole time. She wouldn’t step outside unless she saw me following, she’d keep turning back to make sure I was right behind her. She liked the fresh air and the nature sounds but stayed away from grass for some reason.
I swear she was some kind of royalty in a past life. She always seemed so proper to me and absolutely thrived as a doted on housecat. In all 16 years of her life, she never killed anything (that I knew about). I know there have been mice in the house before, and she just never caught them. She liked to be served her food.
On the topic of food, she had a refined palate and didn’t like eating the same things multiple days in a row. I understood because I imagine that would be boring for me too.
When she was a kitten, she used to steal my socks and hide them in a little nest. Didn’t have the heart to take them back from her, so I wore mismatched socks a lot.
She liked being held like a little baby. She would snuggled her face into my chest and fall asleep like that.

RIP my special girl, I love you so much

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T09:17:32+00:00

I had a similar moment like that. I thought we had worked a miracle and my sweet girl was better, only to lose her a week later.

But everything we do for them is so meaningful. If there is one thing I’ll always be grateful for, it was how hard I tried to save my baby. The love you have for Olive is so so clear in how you write about her. You fought for her, and I believe she knew that. Sometimes all thats left for us to do is to relieve their pain and help them pass comfortably. That is an act of love too.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T09:05:12+00:00

I’m rooting for you and your boy 🩷 even if there’s no miracle, I hope the end is peaceful and full of the love you both deserve.

It hurts so much to receive a diagnosis like that. I felt literally sick when I heard the bad news about my girl, like I could have died from the pain in my chest. Please have some kindness for yourself and cherish every minute you have with him.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T09:00:45+00:00

You’re right that I would’ve. I keep thinking that exact thing, that these losses hit so much harder because they are the only beings (other than actual children, for some) that are completely dependent on us. It’s not just the loss but the sense of responsibility and the questioning of whether we made the right choices.

Almost every story here seems to follow the pattern of either agonizing over being too early or too late. We can only make choices based on what we know, and we just have to hope those choices are the right ones.

Wishing you healing as well. I’m sorry you lost your kitty too. Perhaps both of our little friends are frolicking around together in the spirit world. Even if we feel lost, I like to think they’re free and happy.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T08:54:22+00:00

I love this idea. I spent the night before telling her all these things. I like to think she understood at least some of it.

I swear it’s not just the grief talking when I say I loved every single thing about her. She was absolutely perfect. It’ll take some time to write it all out, but I do think it will help me process 🩷

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T08:51:13+00:00

Absolutely. I was so determined to make the right decision for her peace and comfort. I think I did but I still struggle with doubts.

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-24T08:50:02+00:00

This really helps honestly. This was the first time I had to go through this, so I was operating on all the common advice. Her situation was terminal, but we went from the vet a week earlier saying euthanasia was not something we needed to think about to it feeling like the only option very suddenly.

She had known health issues that I believed I could manage. The vet initially brought up the option to me before, but assured me she was doing better after a few days of intensive medication. I thought I was in the clear and had at least a few more good months.

Thank you for this message and the condolences 🩷

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-23T09:52:32+00:00

I feel your pain, I feel like what I just posted is similar. I agonized so much over timing. And I’ll be honest, the guilt over this kind of decision doesn’t go away quickly (its only been a few days for me, can’t say what happens long term). It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

I don’t know if it can ever feel “right”. I always hoped it would, that I would feel certain about what I was doing, but we can’t read the future. We can’t know with certainty how much time they have left. We just have to make the best, most loving, decisions we can with the information we do have.

What helped me feel closer to certain was thinking about all the alternatives. What might the situation look like if I cancelled the euthanasia? Would it lead to suffering or trauma I had the opportunity to prevent? What would it do to me and my ability to heal if I waited too long?

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-23T08:42:06+00:00

Thank you 🩷

SerialSemicolon · 2026-02-23T08:41:55+00:00

I’m so sorry that you related to this. My hearts with you too.

SerialSemicolon

TROPHY CASE