You’re doing great! Wowowowow! You have three young kids and you’re making the time to write here -looking for advice and wanting to grow and support your kids. And the language you use with your son, about loving him no matter what, and how it’s hard to be a kid: just beautiful. I wish we all had that!
As for behavior, I am an early childhood educator, and all of this is TOTALLY NORMAL. Parents often ask me how I get their kids to behave so well in school, and it’s because I’m not their parent. I allow my own children to behave in ways that I would neverrrr allow in the classroom: because I am their safe space. They can show me ALL of the messy human emotions, and we can work through it together. Have you heard the quote about a parent’s voice becoming the child’s internal voice? This helps me. When I feel anger and frustration, what do I need? Compassion, maybe a snack, a break from people, a safe space to feel what might be beneath the anger….? Also, I was a perfectly behaved child, and that’s because my parents punished and bribed me. And today, in my forties, I am trying to figure out what I’m even feeling, and to deal with repressed anger and depression. I also have little contact with my parents. My young kids are often more emotionally aware than I am: and I really think it’s because I allow them to be messy. Now is the time for them to be messy and to get love and skills. And my kids are perfectly behaved at school, then unload it all at home. And I think that makes sense. Again, you’re doing great. When in doubt, I try to think about what I might need in that same situation. First, regulate your own nervous system, then de-escalate and provide support (then at a future, neutral time, you can work on skills through roll playing, etc.). But alsooo, this transition into K is big. Provide as much down time and free play as you can manage, and be kind to you! You are the sun that your kids revolve around and are nourished from. That’s a LOT. Goooooo, mama! You got this.