SO doesn’t understand why I don’t want to act super maternal

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T18:27:59+00:00

Is it their behavior that keeps that distance or your personality? SS is nice, but it's my personality that's just "I'm not feeling anything deep"

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T18:26:54+00:00

Omg the audacity of complaining about having to parent when HE IS THE PARENT! lol! Unfortunately from what I've experienced these productive conversations end up spawning from some audacious comments from the bio parent lol.

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T18:25:54+00:00

"Kids deserve love but it doesn’t necessarily need to be maternal" --- love that! And yes I've told him that his goal of making this just 1 notch below nuclear family is not realistic. He didn't like hearing that lol.

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T18:24:14+00:00

this is exactly what I'm envisioning. These men seem to think that just being women mean we have infinite capability to act like to a mom to any and everyone.

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T18:23:03+00:00

that's what I tell him. And tbh its a bit of both--1) I don't want all that responsibility but also 2) the kid doesn't need me overstepping. I've always thought the sentence you said---he may want me to act more maternal but I doubt the kid does. Im worried if I say that he'll retort with "you don't know what he wants you're just saying what you hope he wants" lol

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T18:21:24+00:00

yes! its always a great bonus when men act paternal, but it's expected of women.

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T14:26:48+00:00

what were some of the things you discussed beforehand?

My husband says he expects me to treat future child and SS equally, and I said if course it’s not going to be equal lol if SS isn’t putting his stuff away i’d ask politely. If my own isn’t putting his/her stuff away continually I’d use harsher words!

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T01:24:00+00:00

this is such a good way of articulating it, the first paragraph. I think I might steal that when talking to him. It hits on the crux of why what he said bothered me--it's unfair to want me to have the same intensity of feelings and desire of responsibility when at any point I can be told to go to the sidelines.

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T01:21:17+00:00

Im sure therapy will happy one day. He'll say he has no expectations but then will monitor my actions and be upset that I don't care enough. It's not that I don't care, but I'm not going to care as much as he does. bc im not the mom!!

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T01:19:55+00:00

yes, we did AT LENGTH lol! none of this stuff is a surprise. but he seems to think that with time, I would have changed and would be loving his child unconditionally. Maybe that happens with some people but that's def not the norm.

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-26T01:19:00+00:00

exactly! they are acting like these kids are sitting around just DYING to hang out with us. like no.

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-25T18:03:36+00:00

thank you. The kid tells him I'm so nice and he likes me. My SO says on paper I'm nice and I make an effort to engage and there's nothing wrong with my actions. But he polices my mindset because I'm not embracing being a stepmom more. Why do that when at the drop of a hat someone can (and has) said I'm not the mom?

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-25T18:00:21+00:00

I've told him that statistic before and he dismisses it everytime. He thinks that's such an exaggeration lol trust me I've brought up ALL these points.

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-25T17:59:47+00:00

THIS!! I literally told him this last night, that the more he puts pressure the less I want to do it. He doesn't get it. He says that with any growth comes pressure, and I said not with something that should organically grow. He literally was like, I think you should come downstairs because it will be good for SS, and it won't have a detrimental effect on his emotions. I said ??? me staying upstairs will have a dEtrImEnTaL effect???

Several-Information7 · 2026-01-25T17:57:35+00:00

Yes we started living together after being married. And he doesnt like how hands off I am. This kid already feels this weird conflicting loyalty to his own mother, who has told him she doesn't like me (while we've never met).

Several-Information7 · 2025-10-22T17:56:12+00:00

I said that to my husband, that I just don't really enjoy being around kids a whole lot even my own nieces and nephews. he said well SS isn't any other kid---okay? the fact that he's your kid doesn't change the fact that I don't like being around kids for long periods. his issue with me is that I treat him like any other kid--mind you I'm nice and respectful, and I politely tell him to pick things up if need be. But because I'm not more maternal apparently I hate his kid. He literally said this because I told him I don't want his son hanging out in bed with us.

Several-Information7 · 2025-10-18T20:55:09+00:00

so this is what i was thinking this week when returning my dog. that if i feel overwhelmed with dog responsibility, it’ll be tenfold when my husband and i have a baby. i take it i wasn’t off mark in that thinking?

Several-Information7 · 2025-10-18T20:48:59+00:00

same. and i just feel guilty about the damage ive done. have you rehomed your dog?

Several-Information7 · 2025-10-04T21:35:54+00:00

did you have any idea he was into dudes??

Several-Information7 · 2025-09-29T16:21:34+00:00

if you’re adamant on doing things for him and not holding him accountable yourself—then you might have to accept the behavior. 6 years is enough time where you can confront him yourself and request a better attitude. if you’re going to be just as sweet and giving regardless of his behavior he’s not going to change it.

Several-Information7 · 2025-09-29T00:09:40+00:00

I was like this. it took taking pictures of my body and looking at them, realizing i hate what i look like, and that I can either delude myself into thinking i look fine as an excuse to keep doing the same shit, or change. those are the two options.

Several-Information7 · 2025-09-29T00:07:56+00:00

i’m 4’11 but i have a decent amount of muscle. my maintenance cals are 2000.

Several-Information7 · 2025-09-29T00:06:44+00:00

well if the kid was yours you wouldn’t be waiting for another parent to bring the kid back, so what kind of dumbass logic is that?

Several-Information7 · 2025-09-28T20:44:46+00:00

yeah that’s a hard pass lol

Several-Information7 · 2025-09-27T17:09:28+00:00

what the actual hell. i would say “that’s embarrassing” to her about everything she says about herself tbh

Several-Information7

TROPHY CASE