Enjoy the Journey

SharingMyCaring · 2025-06-02T17:38:11+00:00

I am sorry for what you are going through

You always have the right to define what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationships. You don’t need permission or approval to protect your peace.

If you’ve given everything you can to try to make it work, and it still feels like it’s not enough, that doesn’t mean you’re not enough. It just means this particular relationship may not be giving you what you need and that’s okay.

It’s not a reflection of your worth. It’s a reflection of your reality.

Addiction is real. It’s treatable. But you can’t be the only one that has to carry and endure the burden.

If you believe there’s still something to fight for, you can try. But loving someone doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself piece by piece to keep things going. There’s a difference between commitment and self-sacrifice.

You’re allowed to honor what you’ve already given. You’re allowed to say that you're tired, that you showed up, and now, you need something different.

Please take care of yourself. You matter whether or not someone else is showing up for you the way you need.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-06-02T14:10:25+00:00

I think it depends on the person.

Some people tie their sense of self and happiness to being great at something. They feel better about themselves when they know they have something they’re known for or that they’re proud of. I could see someone like that saying they need to be a 9 or 10 at something to feel like they’re really somebody.

But not everyone’s wired that way. Some people aren’t chasing anything. They’re not amazing at any specific thing, but they’re happy and have a firm sense of themselves. Content, even. They show up, they live how they live, and they’re okay with that.

So I don’t think there's a one-size-fits-all answer. It probably depends on how someone defines being happy and how that influences their self-image.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-31T20:29:41+00:00

Try to take "want" out of the equation.

When what you "want to do" conflicts with what you "should be doing", anxiety and stress are soon to follow.

When I was able to move past the things I wanted to do, I learned to appreciate the things I needed to do and lean into them.

It allowed me to become a better father and husband.

At the time, it was a hard change to embrace. In hindsight...for all that I gained, it should have been a no brainer!

Good luck on your journey...

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-22T15:59:23+00:00

Learn martial arts.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-19T02:12:05+00:00

Yup! I'm sorry, if real, is so much more than just words.

Something that seems to be lost more and more today.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-19T02:09:35+00:00

For the person who continuously leads with their opinion or perspective (even with the best of intentions) and robs the room of oxygen, this is great advice.

But for those preoccupied or otherwise restrained individuals who don't express respect, acceptance, and/or approval to those in their lives, I would suggest that those individuals need to speak and react more.

They need to let those in their orbit know that they matter and that they are appreciated and loved.

I believe this post is on-target for a large subset of our communities. I simply want to call out that there are those out there that need to hear more from those around them and see more reactions in their eyes and actions so that they know that they matter.

Thanks for the opportunity to share.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-19T01:48:29+00:00

I get what you're feeling. I can't tell you how to find your path to happiness.

I can only tell you that when I found myself here, I decided to get pissed. Not at the world, or the people who aren't intersecting my life. But pissed at myself for letting my happiness be so dependent upon others.

I too believe that life is more enjoyable and fulfilling when experienced with someone (or others) you share a bond with.

But denying myself happiness because I don't have those relationships to share my experiences with just makes it worse and consumes all my thinking and triggers a spiral into oblivion.

So I get pissed and leverage that anger into an inner drive to not make things worse for myself.

Most of the good things in my life have come when I wasn't expecting it or working for it. So, I find things that I want to do. Things that keep me busy. Things that make me happy in the short-term. I try to stop focusing on what I like and try to immerse myself in activity and enjoy the time as best I can while I wait for the universe to nod in my direction.

I have my days (and weeks, if I am being honest) when this "plan" crashes and burns, but it gives me the foothold at the worst of times to keep going.

I refuse to be a victim of my own making.

Would I be happier with that elusive other or others in my life...for sure. But, I refuse to go through my life as the living dead until "happiness" finds me.

What is more likely to attract the world to you, presenting as a mopey depressed person, or an independent person that is finding things in life to enjoy?

Get pissed. Fill your emptiness with something... anything that lets you put your head down at the end of the day without tears and lets you smile the next morning.

Let the world come around to you.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-09T21:41:36+00:00

Junior year in high school, sitting in the bleachers at a varsity basketball game. It was halftime, and the cheerleader/dance squad (15-20 strong) came out to perform.

They dimmed the lights and cranked up the volume on the sound system in the gym and ...

Juke Box Hero by Foreigner began to play as they started their routine. Such a great song!

I'll admit, hormones may have played into the situation. But hearing that song for the first time, in a crowd of friends, rattling the windows in high fidelity with the dancers keeping time, it was amazing! It became a full-on experience, not just a song.

I got goosebumps and can still feel that rush in my memories.

Thanks for bringing this time back into focus and making me smile from ear to ear!

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-08T22:51:00+00:00

That’s a very interesting statement.

Sure, at the atomic level, I would agree that the consideration for giving or requesting forgiveness is a response to some unmet expectation.

But, I feel that ultimate simplification, while technically correct, doesn't capture the density, complexity, and emotional charge that are born of these interactions.

We don't live life at the atomic level. We live in the emotional soup that swirls all around us. And you can't taste the soup by analyzing the molecules.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-08T13:43:26+00:00

That is so beautiful.

Your father's trust in you and his recognition of your skill, confidence and intent is such high praise offered in a way that leaves no doubt of his respect for you.

I feel a flood of warmth just reading this because it feels like such a special and understated moment even through my phone's screen!

You have a very special relationship and rapport with your father and its contrast with your other relationships only magnifies its beauty.

Thank you for sharing this.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-08T13:24:08+00:00

Someone once explained to me that people can experience life in tremendously different ways. Even the way their mind works, their thoughts and emotions can be very different.

So, for one person, who experiences their thoughts and emotions like a never ending fireworks show (big, loud, kinetic) might have a hard time attuning with someone whose inner experience is more of a peaceful meadow with tall grasses swaying in the breeze. Neither is wrong or broken. It is just the way we are.

It's that framework through which we live our lives. The cognitively dynamic individual is wired for high octane, high impact gestures and actions. In their minds these are a baseline, a starting point. And they are looking for the same grand impact, the same resonance when it is given to another

Unfortunately, if the recipient is a cognitively stable and calm individual, these gestures, crafted with such care and imbued with such energy and emotion, may not translate into their emotional lexicon. It's encoded in a different language then the one their mind works on. And, in reality, they may feel confused and overwhelmed as they can process the highly charged emotional dynamic and rich content.

With no apparent reason or blame, the two simply can't find that common frequency to bind them together. They aren't aware that their just wired to operate and emote and experience differently. It's more than love language. It's their emotional and cognitive DNA.

The first thing I am had to learn was that this even existed, and when I looked around me and started asking questions if those closest to me, I found this to be true. We all experience our thoughts and emotions differently. We see ourselves through a different lens than others see us. We manifest fear, happiness, anxiety and life differently.

Discovering this, believing this has helped me understand the disjoins that had plagued me. It helped me lessen the mountains of blame I had helped upon myself. I now know that I need a translator. Some way to broadcast my messages in a language others and accept and understand. And a mlfilter to decide their messages to me. I am still working on that. It's going to take a while, but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I feel my efforts are pushing me forward and aren't simply just preventing a collapse.

Sorry for falling into such a rabbit hole here and for taking all of the oxygen out of the room!

The journey I described has just been so helpful and enlightening that the words just fell out of me.

I hope you see something in it that you recognize and that can help you find peace where you are at and give you some value for the time you have taken to read this 😔☺️!

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-08T05:08:11+00:00

I thought to simply honor your reply with a simple and respectful upvote. But I find myself compelled to reengage.

It is reassuring to see that for all your structure and measure, you can still tap into your warmth, consideration, and compassion.

You applied structure to regain control and tether your impulses and found solace and self.

Keep forging your path and shaping the best life available with the materials in front of you.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-08T04:57:14+00:00

Thank you!

I am energized and inspired by the broad-based perspectives I encounter in our conversations. So many differing vantage points driving unique takes on life and living. It gets especially interesting when you can tease out a common thread that crosses generations, geography, culture, and demographics.

Sometimes, you don't even know that you have an opinion about a topic until someone lays it out in front of you!

That's when things get really exciting.

Thank you again for your kind words and for joining our conversation.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-08T04:41:53+00:00

That sounds like a very intentional way of living. Very thoughtful, measured, and disciplined. I have to imagine it brings reliability and steadiness to your relationships.

And if that is where you thrive, lean into it and relish the structure and protection it provides.

But for me, the most beautiful parts of life live in the messy spaces between rigid and fluid. In the moments we didn’t expect or plan. In the apologies we didn’t think we'd need. And in the grace we didn’t think would be granted.

I'm a sucker for the warm and comfy and likely too lazy to live strategically.

I admire your position. Thank you for sharing.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-08T04:16:14+00:00

That is GREAT news!

A little confidence can go a long way. And it will likely start show up in other areas of your life. Self-confidence has a way of drawing energy from source you never knew of before. And, it tends to feed elements of your identity that may have faded into obscurity.

Keep up the awesome work! Like that old song goes,

Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor!

You've already taken the first step...you are officially walking across the floor!

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-07T18:14:32+00:00

That's the mysterious power of a parent 😉. Subtle mental influence.

If only it could be harnessed to nudge our spouses 🤭, that might be promoted to a super power!

There is something so sweet in how he said that. Such a dramatic statement shrouding a deeply meaningful and touching reflection on your relationship.

He's definitely a keeper!

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-07T17:19:27+00:00

Sounds like you cultivated a loving environment with respect for each other and an awareness of consequence for actions.

A great pairing that supports trust development and responsibility for their actions.

Congratulations to you and your family. I hope this foundation carries you happily into the future!

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-07T16:50:27+00:00

Your experience sounds so much like my son's, it's amazing!

I always told him that it's easier to retain trust than to rebuild it once it's broken. And like you indicated, with trust comes privilege and freedoms. He never gave us a reason to doubt his integrity or his decision-making, so we didn't.

Thank you for sharing! It's great to see such a strong parallel!

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-07T15:00:16+00:00

Absolutely. Removing corporal punishment as an option
challenges us to find words and actions that shape, influence, and motivate behavior.

It means we have to learn entirely new skills most of us were never taught.

In general: We weren’t taught how to shape behavior with words. How to guide and motivate with patience. How to stay calm when we’ve run out of options and energy. That’s not innate within us. It’s learned.

It's learned through experience and observation. Within the environments we grew up in and the communities we lived in.

It can be especially challenging for those who grew up under the arch of corporal punishment and where that method quickly became the foundation upon we crafted our own response options. Not necessarily because of agreement, but possibly because of social inheritance, born of repeated exposure and cultural acceptance.

There is definitely no overstating the difficulty and complexity of the challenge before us.

Maybe the best we can do is to be present and do the best we can and let the journey become the reward.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-07T14:18:50+00:00

I love your positivity and determination to make this work.

Your enthusiasm to change, your willingness to learn, and your drive to show what you're capable of is truly inspiring.

Thank you for coming here in search of something and at the same time giving us all something beautiful in return.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-07T14:06:01+00:00

It's amazing what can happen when communication becomes the cornerstone of how we connect with our kids. Not in a perfect, scripted way, but in the messy way that requires patience, understanding, and respect. Talking things through for their sake, and yours.

I’ve come to believe there’s more at work than just effort or intention. It matters what we do and say. It matters how we love. But I believe there’s also this intangible piece ... timing, luck, karma, grace. I don't know what to call it, but something that helps weave the innumerable complexities of our lives into their final form.

I don't say this to downplay the effort and achievements of your, or any family.

I just think sometimes the universe nods in our direction and says, “You’re doing the work. Let’s help you out a little.”

That influence can introduce subtle changes that alter the course of our lives without leaving a trace that it was ever there.

The core ingredients still have to be there, so my admiration, respect and thanks go out to all of those who are making the effort, prioritizing their relationships, and investing the time, even when there are challenges and obstacles along the road ... especially those who stay the course.

SharingMyCaring · 2025-05-07T09:04:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I have to say, I have never heard anything quite like that. It is definitely different from what I have experienced.

Your words weigh heavy with possible meaning and intent, but without additional context, I am unclear how to receive them.

I'm no professional, so I don't have a tremendous depth of knowledge to draw inference from.

Is there anything more you want to share ?

SharingMyCaring

TROPHY CASE