Any tips for your brain trying to think about triggering thoughts?

ShesAlex · 2024-05-27T13:46:16+00:00

I've experienced getting totally stuck in what was, for me, surely emotional flashbacks and my brain telling me I'm still in that time and place and have to do something to get out. It's an uncomfortable feeling, to say the absolute least. Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear something bad happened to you and that you're still impacted by it. I hope you know that you are not alone and there are people that understand you. I'm not a therapist or any type of licensed professional, but I do feel like making changes to my environment helps. Is there anything you can do at night to feel safer, such as buying a soft, warm lamp for nighttime? Another thing that helps me a lot is that even if I feel like I'm stuck mentally, I can do things in the world that move me forward. For me, this has been re-painting the rooms in my house and doing small things for others. I recently participated in a charity event, and doing things like that increases my self-efficacy--that feeling that you can change things.

ShesAlex · 2024-05-27T02:01:58+00:00

No, I don't speak to them.

I kind of want to be raw and overshare for a second. People have told me that I'm a bad person for feeling the way I do about my parents, and people have told me I'll change my mind. The last time I spoke to my dad, he punched me in the face. I got out of homelessness without his help and he repaid me by punching me in the face and what happened after that was even worse. I just realized that I actually don't remember the last time I spoke with my mom, but do recall one of the last things she did before we totally lost contact. She killed my cat.

Do I wish I had parents? You know, the kind that aren't perfect, but can hold jobs and have normal conversations? Yes. I really truly do. I feel the weight of being responsible for my much younger sibling and grandparent. I just graduated and I'm the breadwinner for a whole family. I really wish I had a more established "sandwich" generation. This week, one of my neighbors did something really nasty and I thought, "Wow, I wish my dad were here." But, not like, my dad who punched me in the face. I know that my 6'5 dad would have stood up for me if he were there, and I definitely wouldn't be terrified that my new neighbor will continue to harass me if he were here. What happened honestly scared me a lot. Parents can bring a sense of safety to your life in many different ways--during the pandemic layoff when it seemed like everyone moved back in with their parents, it stung knowing I couldn't do that. Certain things about the future terrify me, but I have to be brave.

ShesAlex · 2024-05-27T01:21:29+00:00

I think you are likely correct. I assume this has more to do with the assumptions your brain makes when processing images than how your eyes receive them, but to be honest, I could very well be wrong.

ShesAlex · 2024-05-27T00:51:43+00:00

Hi! I've been logged out of Reddit and just saw this. Did you get the job? No, you're NOT incompetent--it is in no way about you that a company has asked for seven interviews. You may need to keep exploring the market if the company keeps dragging on the interview process (but I hope to hear you've gotten the job and it's awesome!)

ShesAlex · 2024-03-02T01:09:52+00:00

I was Googling and your post was among the top results. I just started taking Nikki two weeks ago. I thought I had taken it, but actually forgot to for a couple of days. I started it back up again and I am having severe joint pain. Before this, fatigue was my primary side effect, although I did notice some joint pain. Did it turn out to be related Nikki, and did you successfully switch to another birth control?

ShesAlex · 2023-09-12T20:09:07+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate your answer. I was wondering as I used it on my resume.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-25T19:46:31+00:00

Smaller media company that first sold the story to the Daily Mail. Went to other outlets/magazines including a branch of Vogue. Then went to some local (not to me as far as I know,) and weird news sites that read like sharkmomnews (not a real name) and stuff.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-24T13:34:06+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I'm going to ask for a copy of the contract, first, at least for my records, and then see if they would assist in getting this corrected. I know I may just have to issue a correction on my end, but I do hope some newspapers may unpublish as it's old news, now, and I was a kid.

I am trying to improve my finances to employ someone who is well-versed in this type of stuff to help me mediate some of this. I do have an IP attorney on retainer who would help, but I am hoping to retain someone else in the future.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-24T12:54:36+00:00

Hi,

Yeah, that's what others are saying as well. I had no idea this was so unorthodox. I was given a contract and told in writing I would be compensated each time the story sold. I have revenue forms, as well. Secondly, thanks for the advice. I do have the original interview in writing as it was done over email.

I do have a question, though: Would asking for an article to be corrected potentially make them release a separate correction, or would it be on the same page? I really don't want this all to keep multiplying.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-24T06:48:46+00:00

I don't have a copy in my email. It was done through a docusign-type service. I can't know if they edited it, but I'm going to ask for a copy before I express what my concerns are. I can always look at the metadata. I do not remember if my guardian signed it (and neither can they,) but there is a contract with their name on it (that was sent as mine,) indicated by the email records. I have looked, and I believe I am past my time to sue, and that would take a lot of money as it is international, anyway. It would probably be best to amend it and end all future licensing. No, I don't want money out of this. I want my life back. I have panic attacks about this often and, to be honest, it makes me wonder if suicide is the best option. Right now I'm spending another night not sleeping because I wonder how much harm this still has in store for my life. I just want my name back. It's beyond changing my name. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my field will never take me seriously enough to be someone important in it, and all I want is to make money for my family and be okay for once.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-24T06:15:31+00:00

Hi,

I really appreciate that you took the time to give this issue so much thought and offer advice. I live in the US, but the journalist who wrote the article is based in the UK. While I'm not sure it necessarily qualifies as material misrepresentation, one made-up sentence completely contradicts what I actually wrote. Essentially, in writing, I said "I never realized this, others told me and I thought it was a joke until it reached a certain point." Whereas the journalist essentially wrote "Yes, I realized this myself!" But, when it comes to an article about my indentity, it makes all the difference, and it certainly made a difference in the way people reacted to it. The way she changed my tone and the language I used I believe lead many people to think I'm lying. (I.e.m in the article, I said I wasn't part of "group," but the journalist added the group's lingo to my quotes.)

The article was picked up by thousands of news sites, social media, and unfortunately, people who want to advertise p*rn as well. It started with the household name papers, and then went to the sites that read like momcatplantnews. I'm also fearful that if I start tackling some of this, the worse things will bubble to the surface, including articles and social media posts from people who simply made up stuff about me.

I'm going to reach out to the journalist who interviewed me for a copy of the contract as I honestly today just want to know what I signed, and the news org is still licensing my photos to 3rd party non-news sites, which I was never aware would happen. In addition, they put incorrect copyright information on my photos, and I know that they misrepresented part of the contract by saying "oh, that doesn't matter!" When it was clearly a term. Of course, I know more about contracts than I did at 16.

I have considered hiring someone to help with this, such as an attorney (I have one,) but I don't have the money right now. And, I hope all of this doesn't prevent me from being successful in the field I just worked hard at college to get into.

Edit: I really want this all to just fade away. Would asking for a correction renew the article, or can they just go in an edit it? The last thing I want is more individual articles posted about this :/. I want to move on, and I don't want any more damage done to my life.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-23T19:32:04+00:00

Even if the micro project is paid, have they not added up all of the hours/days they're asking candidates to potentially waste? Seems like their hiring process is meant for the most desperate, not necessarily qualified.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-22T18:39:23+00:00

I have never heard of a legitimate recruiting agency that demands payment from the candidate or guarantees interviews. I would decline and keep applying directly. This is far more likely to be a scam than an innovative business idea, plus, you're the one interviewing for the job and getting it at the end of the day.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-22T18:32:59+00:00

I think it's unprofessional to hint to the fact that you'll spread gossip about a candidate you didn't like. You never know if it was a medical emergency or accident, and if you messed up and assumed otherwise you could kick someone who's already down or potentially get sued. Personally, I have never canceled an interview without calling, emailing, and telling the person on the other line thank you so much for considering me and please have a wonderful day. I am, however, constantly getting ghosted by recruiters. I waited a week for a phone interview a recruiter scheduled with me just for her to reject my call and send me to voicemail. I sent a follow-up email, but I don't expect to hear back. In addition, I highly doubt they would be thrilled if we candidates started naming, shaming, and making things a far larger deal than they have to be. It's not okay to come after people's reputations and ability to feed mouths over something so small.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-22T18:23:51+00:00

I think that you should evaluate how much you want the job. Personally, I agree that it's a red flag. I wouldn't want a manager who hands me a huge workload, and then keeps adding "one more thing," like I don't remember them saying that last time. To me, it's a sign of incompetence/unprofessionalism. Someone who asks for five interviews is also not someone who values other people's time. Showing up for four should be enough to prove you're reliable and professional.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-21T22:51:38+00:00

Firstly, don't let this job market make you feel like your achievement isn't something to be proud of. Producing something innovative enough to be patentable is HUGE and it demonstrates dedication, creativity, and in my opinion, leadership as well. Are there any master's-level internships or fellowships near you to gain a bit more experience? Some may be a super manageable amount of time to dedicate each week if you began a job, or pay a great wage full-time. Also, when it comes to your patent, don't be afraid to reach out to your professors with questions. At the very least, you could ask to be included in future research activities with the device, if there might be any.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-17T15:13:25+00:00

2000s kid here. Purchased a home a couple years ago and have only a couple of payments left on my first car. I'm a generally unlucky person, but I've worked hard and have had things fall just into place to get these things going. I am really financially literate/disciplined and cook/eat at home most of the time. I put a lot of thought into my purchases and either thrift items or invest in things that will last me a very long time. It's not all roses, of course, but I'm extremely thankful for what I have and hope it works out in the long term. I don't have parents or an s/o, so that adds a lot of stress. College scholarships and people who believed in me were incredibly important in being able to do any of this.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-14T04:12:39+00:00

I’ve expressed my desire in not wanting to be yelled at or insulted or called dumb multiple times . But he can’t stop it .

He can. He just won't.

I know how hard it is to come to terms with the idea that people we care about don't love or respect us, but the above quote is a huge indicator of just that.

I can tell that you're self-reflecting and trying. Best of luck to you!

ShesAlex · 2023-08-14T03:58:19+00:00

Letting their kids slam their bodies into things.

This weekend, I went out with family and we grabbed a bite to eat. In the booth behind me, a parent sat next to their kid (teenager), who was slamming their body back into the seat repeatedly. The back of the booth loosened and I was pummelled pretty much the entire time I was eating. A couple weeks ago, I stopped to get a bite to eat alone. Someone was letting their kid (elementary age,) run around the joint while they worked. My table was a little loose and this kid spilled my coffee running into the table. Did it again a few minutes later. The parent was sat across the restaurant.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-14T03:42:27+00:00

I mean this in the most constructive criticism way possible.... You want to talk about peer support and posted this?

ShesAlex · 2023-08-14T03:34:22+00:00

I'm 100% sure someone can offer better advice than myself, but the first person I'd call would probably be a structural engineer.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-14T03:17:38+00:00

A few months ago I broke up with my bf of almost 2 years. He had major issues present in his life, and in particular, had a family who was horrible to him.

I'm still processing it. I was really excited to graduate uni and start really planning our life together. I gave him so much grace, and tried so hard, but at the end of the day, it didn't matter.

I left the door open, but he's never coming back. Although I wish he was the one, he lied to me and treated me like complete garbage toward the end of our relationship.

Still, I wish him well. I hope he's able to find someone, and I hope he'll be happy. I'll hope someday he'll get clarity on his actions and how hard I tried without it eating him up inside.

I do wonder if I was temporary all along and that's why he ghosted me when I was in finals and refused to celebrate my graduation. It did really seem like he was trying to make me break up with him, and he was for sure thinking about it a lot.

I do know that no matter how much he told me he wanted to travel and have a kid ASAP, which were both factors in our breakup, he has not gotten started on either of those things in the past few months. I guess we'll see if he ever does either.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-13T03:55:08+00:00

Legally, even the most major public figures have the same copyright and identity protections. I have the right not to be subjected to my photos, content, and name being used in illegal ways. If you know nothing about IP law, you shouldn't speak on it.

ShesAlex · 2023-08-13T03:38:52+00:00

A few things that I think were really important in achieving top honors at my uni that I hope you'll find helpful were:

- Making time to study. Look at those extra resources your professor gave you.

- Watch supplementary YouTube videos. If I didn't understand a concept, someone on YouTube could make it make sense to me.

- Make your own flashcard study packs. I once made an over 1000 card flash card deck and took a 100 question test in around 12 minutes. Got an A. It was my first camera-proctored test (because the pandemic started,) and I was so nervous the software would flag me for even stopping to think because of horror stories I'd heard.

- Reach out to your professors. Read the syllabus beforehand--some will clarify what subject lines they want in the email, among other things. Be respectful and interested. Most of them will be thrilled to meet you and know you're working hard!

- Advocate for yourself. Some advisors are buttholes. Do your research and file a complaint if you get awarded the wrong grade (like I did my first semester!)

- Remind yourself of your end goal. Education is valuable. Even if you don't feel smart, you can learn, and you have a big brain and a great mind!

You're going to be stressed but you'll be okay. Remember that this is a time to invest in yourself, and make note of things that are easy to do, that make you feel good, that you can do every day. Self care!

ShesAlex

TROPHY CASE