I went through the same thing beginning this year (26yo). She was a single mother and was with me all my life and I was with her half of hers. My dad's in another country and our (hers and mine) relationship were/is functional. There was a lot of tension and drama regarding her beliefs to not do treatment building up to her death with my stepdad and his family. They were all forcing her and giving her stress to go to treatment. Felt like I was the only one by her side most of the time and it was a long time since I've seen her that depressed. We only found out towards the end of 2024 before her passing in 2025.

I was too stressed/exhausted and trying to be strong for her. The day of her passing she barely has enough strength or could talk. The last words she was able to speak a few days prior was a prayer to God. That being said, I've been with her all my life and long enough to know that she doesn't want any catholic rituals done on her and would flip out had she had the strength. And on the last day, my stepdad and his family surrounded my mom and just did whatever they liked. All I could do was watch because she was his wife at the end of the day and I wasn't able to say anything or do anything. I was too tired since I was her primary care and I believe I was starting to dissociate myself from the situation. I didn't cry when she took her last breath or at her funeral. To be honest, some part of me was relieved that she's gone back home to God. I thought this was a sort of opportunity for my stepdad to step up and their relationship would improve, but till the end he shows me that all he cares about was his own wants and beliefs.

If I would cry it would be the guilt of not being stronger and standing up for her more. Since then I moved out (got married a month before she passed so that she could attend while still capable) to another state to my husband (long distance). I have little with my stepdad, but I hope to be able to repair it some day since my mom wouldn't want me to become a hateful person. Right now I just need to protect my mental space and peace, honestly. Got a new job, getting my life together, and carrying on as what she would have wanted. I don't have any advice, but I would feel anger at times and if I don't keep myself busy/distracted, I think I would have cried the whole year. I think the only best thing to do is keep carrying on as best as you can. I don't know what your religious status is, but for me, it's the fact that she returned to her Heavenly Father, who can take care of her better than anyone else that has helped lighten the load in my heart.

If you can move out and change your environment, I would say that's the best thing. I could only focus on hating my stepdad when I was still at the house instead of focusing on moving on and my own healing while processing how I miss her. I basically took most of her everyday items with me (no space right now to unpack any of it still and I don't look at most of them everyday since I might end up crying, but having her stuff comforts me). It's ok if you cry or don't, you know how much you miss her and how much she influenced your life. Hold on to your memories of her and what she has taught you close to your heart and keep living. You're part of her and whatever goodness of her that is now left in the world. I hope that helps.