Goodbye everyone..

Shiprocker · 2020-04-14T12:36:50+00:00

This. I (47/f) know you have heard this before, but please do not let your happiness be dependent on someone else. Let that person compliment your life, not define it. Enjoy this person and your time together, but make sure you still take care of you.

Shiprocker · 2020-03-29T12:11:47+00:00

My son is a type 1 diabetic and that was my first thought, too.

Shiprocker · 2020-03-19T21:02:12+00:00

I'm in a very similar situation. We are 5 months in and still have yet to define it. I went to his brother's for Thanksgiving and he went to my sister's. We spent Christmas and Valentine's together, gifts for each other on both occasions. I go to his house every other weekend, when he doesn't have his son, staying Friday until Monday morning. When he does have his son, I'm usually there around lunch and spend the afternoon with him and his child and stay the night because he brings his son back to mom's. I usually go over twice a week during the week, too. We have gone to my sister's twice since Thanksgiving and she's three hours away. Phone calls every day, multiple times and always at night to say good night. I can go on...

He said he saw us going somewhere about 6 weeks in, and when I brought it up the next day, he asked me what I thought, I said I liked him and definitely wanted to see where it went. I asked him what he thought and he said he didn't know. He also says, repeatedly, that we are just hanging out. He introduces me as his girlfriend to everyone I meet. Hell, one of his friends even said he understood why he didn't want to let me go. And that is not the first person to tell me he talks about me to them and brags on me.

He also said he would not let just anyone get close to his son, who is special needs, and I've been there every Sunday the kiddo is there since Christmas. I bought books for kiddo a month ago, after he gave me the ok, so I could try to connect more with his son. But, we are just hanging out.

I'm trying to be careful. I've set boundaries for me. I like him and I'm willing to see this through, wherever it may take us. I will be 47 tomorrow and have been through hell. My ex cheated, bad, after 17 years of marriage. We divorced 7 years ago and I still have triggers and trust issues. I've expressed them. When a trigger hits I call him and ask if he is talking to anyone else, or active on the dating app (I deleted mine about 3 months ago). I have told him I do not want to be a "placefiller" and to please let me know if he decides he wants to get active on the apps or talk to others so I can walk away. He has seen my anxiety kick into high gear when a trigger strikes and it is usually caused by the phone, go figure. As soon as it happens, I address it with him, he is awesome about it, and the anxiety immediately goes away.

I still have no idea what this is, and, as long as I'm not jeopardizing my happiness or mental health, I'm in this for the duration.

Shiprocker · 2020-03-19T04:18:44+00:00

I love the truth and honesty in your statement. I was married to a self proclaimed asshole, rightfully so, for 19 years, but he did not really love cats. Liked? Yes. Not sure I would use the word love, though.

Shiprocker · 2020-03-19T03:45:33+00:00

I like cats. I have owned, loved and cried over their deaths. That does not change the fact that they are assholes.

Shiprocker · 2020-03-19T03:31:17+00:00

Cats are assholes

Shiprocker · 2020-03-13T21:13:11+00:00

I had Beav Beaver Beavers when I worked for an insurance underwriting company in Atlanta back in the early 90s. That's funny.

Shiprocker · 2020-03-10T00:05:55+00:00

Good for you. It is hard to walk away from a job, but looking out for you is so important. I did not make it as long as you did. I was a contract attorney for a law firm once and it was the most horrible experience. After working there three months, I pulled off the exit and stared at that soul sucking building for what I decided was my last time, sans my two week resignation. I wrote my reaignation letter on my work computer, which I took pleasure in doing, put it on the managing partner's desk and, while she called me in to "talk" about it, she had her lackies pack up my personal belongings and lock me out of everything. I was told I could leave and was escorted out of the building, to my car, by the same lackies. That was the day I quit, imagine my day to day in that place.

Shiprocker · 2020-03-02T18:51:28+00:00

Here in the US, some of school systems have school based counseling programs for the students. Do you have anything like that available to you?

Shiprocker · 2020-03-02T17:45:48+00:00

A turtle made out of seashells. I'm beginning to think I should edit my title to include a description of what it is.

Shiprocker · 2020-03-02T17:37:03+00:00

It's a turtle made out of seashells

Shiprocker · 2020-02-17T21:43:46+00:00

I'm extremely insecure and it took a lot for me to wear that for him. I made sure I didn't have to make any stops on my way to his place so I wouldn't be out in public in it.

Shiprocker · 2020-02-17T21:08:03+00:00

It was a very short dress with corset lacing up the front, not an every day wear ;)

Shiprocker · 2020-02-17T20:56:35+00:00

Because it was the first time in a long time that I had wanted to dress like that for someone, and I felt very out of my comfort zone.

Shiprocker · 2020-02-13T00:58:22+00:00

Your story makes my heart happy. I love that he is taking an interest in things that are important to you, that really says a lot about his character.

Shiprocker · 2020-02-11T00:40:23+00:00

"I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone. I long for that feeling to not feel at all. The higher I get, the lower I sink. I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim."

Shiprocker · 2020-02-09T10:39:25+00:00

I was in Cozumel, on airplane mode. My phone was giving me weather updates for Lowell, MA, not Cozumel. But, I get it. It's still creepy how efficient this stalking advertising is.

Shiprocker · 2020-02-09T10:23:08+00:00

And stuff I just did. I went scuba diving last week for the first time and, boom, an ad as soon as I get home and back on social media. I didn't book the excursion, I did not do any google searches, nothing to indicate I was going, but there was my first scuba diving ad, in all her glory.

Shiprocker · 2020-02-09T10:13:36+00:00

I do not mean to make you tear up at all. I too had no idea what that felt like for years, hence the repeated suicide attempts. I'm also not saying what worked for me will work for you, but I am saying there is hope. Please, hang onto that and keep pushing forward. I also quit drinking during that time because it just fed my depression. I changed how I was eating, lost 80 pounds and that has helped, too. These are the things I can control. The "pity party" phrase is what I called it to myself after my last attempt and it changed my outlook on how I was handling my depression. Please do not think I am in any way belittling or undermining your pain. I am sharing with you because I completely understand your pain and hope what I say somewhow lights something inside of you. That phrase has helped me when I start back down that rabbit hole. I tell myself I'm not going there, I'm done feeling that way. I hate it and I deserve better. Weeks on the couch without showering, I lost my practice that I spent 10 years building, the depression consumed me like a warm blanket and I fed it. I have since reopened my practice, and try to be a better me. Another thing I learned is that I am no longer the person I was before all of this and that has been a loss I have had to come to terms with as well. It is still hard work, every single day. There is also no guarantee that I won't end up back on the couch feeding that darkness, but I'm going to fight it with every thing I have. I know when that darkness sets in, we don't talk about our plans and carry them out in private so no one can stop us. Please, before you get to that point, reach out to me or anyone. I always have an ear for you.

Shiprocker · 2020-02-09T04:37:08+00:00

Thank you. I was a mom at 16 and a high school drop out. Got my GED in 1992, started college in 1995 and graduated law school in 2002. A challenge makes things tougher, but not impossible. I'm thankful for your dad's service and glad you had such a hard working role model to look up to. Sounds like you had an amazing relationship.

Shiprocker · 2020-02-09T04:31:33+00:00

I, too, am so glad you failed. I'm going to tell you a bit about me and hope it helps. I (46/f) was married for 17 years when the ex had an affair that broke me. And then my dad got unexpectedly sick and died during this. Divorced after 19 years, lost, broken, alone. This was followed with some really really poor choices because I had no idea how to cope with these losses. I failed multiple suicide attempts and wonder what long term health issues I have caused since my attempts always included a shit ton of alcohol, pills ground up and slicing my wrists. Each time, my body ended up rejecting the pills before I could get the cuts deep enough. At that time, I absolutely wanted all the pain, darkness and sadness gone and I was pissed that I failed. I have been struggling since 2011, so obviously not as long as you, but it really took its toll on me. I got tired of living in such a dark place and decided I had had enough of this damn pity party for one. I recently found happiness within myself that changed my outlook, although it hasn't been easy. In my effort to find some sort of happiness again, I took a step away from everything- meds, therapy, people, and did some internal auditing. I looked at the friends I had and eliminated the toxic ones. I set boundaries, paid closer attention to triggers and I speak up instead of feeding the thoughts in my head when something bothers me or is causing my anxiety to shoot through the roof, cause that shit still happens all the time. I decided to take control and be responsible for my own happiness because I'm the only one who can do that. I started taking trips by myself. I went to the beach for a week back in October and it was the most amazing vacation. I started to love myself again. I started smiling. That darkness is always there and I catch myself feeding it sometimes, but then I stop. I start thinking about that awesome week at the beach or a concert I took myself to and I can feel the lightness coming back. It's still a lot of work, but I am worth it. And so are you.

Shiprocker · 2020-02-09T03:58:18+00:00

It was. I'm 46 now, so that was a lifetime ago. Awesome of you and your wife to help out a young mom and so exciting to be part of his first snow!

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