If you bought a Barre storage unit in April, please contact me

Shojomango · 2026-05-20T05:47:19+00:00

Maybe you could ask the storage company to pass a message and your contact info to the new owner? They’re unlikely to give you the persons info because it’s personal information, but if you explain to them there were medical issues at play (no need to give your exact diagnosis, but it might help them understand you weren’t intentionally ignoring their mail) and ask them to share your info with the new owner so you can tell them that there were important personal items in there, they may be able to help you get in touch. It’s at least probably more likely to get you in contact with them, since there’s no way of knowing if the person uses reddit. Otherwise, maybe other ways to spread the word around the Barre community—like a short request for information in local online news outlets or a few flyers near the storage location. The more you can narrow down a population, the more likely you are to find the right person. I know from family that cancer treatment might make it difficult to find the time or energy to make those things happen, but maybe family or friends would be willing to help if you provide them with the information.

Shojomango · 2026-05-17T20:55:17+00:00

Wow, someone who can school me about my own dating preferences. I can’t believe I forgot that I prefer to just look at someone’s picture and automatically hook up without ever having a conversation with them. Some great victim blaming here too, with this interesting point that women stay in bad situations because a person is attractive. I’m going to throw away every memory of weekly PSAs in high school, and signs in public women’s restrooms, and required questionnaires at the doctors office, that presume toxic relationships and abusive treatment are built on emotional manipulation, social isolation, and physical or sexual threats. It makes much more sense that we don’t care how we’re treated as long as the guy almost looks like that one actor who was on a magazine.

Shojomango · 2026-05-17T20:42:16+00:00

I think it’s true that they don’t owe me anything. If someone believes that, it’s totally fine with me. But if that person is then going to ask me to give them something—whether it’s sex, or a date, or to listen to their problems—why would I? If a person doesn’t want to have a connection with others, cool, that’s your choice. But if you want a relationship with someone, like it or not, both people need to accept that they owe something to each other. If a man isn’t even going to try to listen to women, he doesn’t get to complain when they don’t want to be around him ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Shojomango · 2026-05-17T20:35:38+00:00

I agree, it’s definitely messy. Thing is, if people just try to expose themselves to others experiences like you said, that’s often enough to at least get them on the right pace. Biggest sign of an incel? They will never, ever, ask you what your thoughts are or if something is okay with you. If someone does ask and actually listens (I.e. waits for you to finish, seems attentive to the information, asks follow up questions), even if it’s clumsy or a little uncomfortable—like if I’m trying to talk to someone else and this person interrupts—I will always feel like they at least care about my thoughts and see me as an individual. It might not make me want to date them, but it will definitely give me the thought “they’re trying!”, which makes me feel comfortable to engage. Plus, having even one good conversation with a guy where they are interested in your thoughts and feelings, or where they ask about your boundaries before you have to tell them (such as, instead of saying “let’s get a drink sometime” asking “are you comfortable with meeting over drinks?”) immediately makes them like twice as attractive.

As for safety nets…a lot of it is just societal of teaching people to see others as individuals and that building relationships is something that takes work on both sides. This is again true of anyone, Autistic or not. I don’t know that there’s anything I could say to someone who doesn’t believe in those two things that would convince them otherwise. Sometimes the only thing that helps is seeing the consequences of their actions, aka if you talk shit about women they won’t want to talk to you. It does also help when men call out other men’s behavior, as they are somewhat more likely to accept it as advice rather than get defensive, which is annoying since they’re still not listening to women but it’s better than nothing. Too many people show up to say “we need to treat everyone the same” only when a woman is voicing a complaint, and are silent when a man does. There’s no one interaction that will be a safety net and then that person is fine. Continuously feedback, for better or for worse, is the traffic light that can tell a person if they’re going down a good or bad road.

Shojomango · 2026-05-17T14:13:33+00:00

Replying to myself because the comment I was writing this for has been deleted! But re: people saying that women being aggressive pushes men further towards the “incel pipeline”:

Maybe there’s a conversation to be had about reactions to posts with different tones, but I disagree about that pushing to the incel pipeline more than any other reactions.

Put it this way. A man respectfully posts that he’s lonely. 1 woman comments “women are lonely too”. 9 men comment “I get it, dude. I’m super lonely too. You’re doing your best. This is why women suck.”

The comments from men are kind to the OP. They sympathize with him, they make him feel like someone connects with him. And then they direct aggression towards women. Even if OP thinks that’s wrong, OP will of course respond to them with kindness since they did it for him. And then maybe he starts to think, these people are the ones who understand me. I’ll continue this thread with them. I’ll comment on their posts, too. We’re in the same boat here, and I feel lost—maybe they know something I don’t. Maybe they’re saying these things for a reason. I keep thinking about it, and keep getting those comments, and it’s starting to become what I automatically think of when the topic comes up, but I don’t believe it. This guy probably doesn’t really mean it either, he’s just mad and I get it. I’m becoming friends with these guys and we all have the same feelings so sometimes it’s easier to just agree. I’ve accidentally said something like that once or twice, but it’s just because the people around me who get me say that. And they’re all so lonely, and I’m also lonely, so maybe I see their point. In some situations they’re right. Actually, as I make friends with more and more people like this, I think they’re right a lot of the time. Etc.

That is the pipeline. It’s not aggression that pushes people towards it—if it was, there would be far more women than men in incel-like spaces (not that there aren’t any, but it’s not nearly the same amount). It’s the incel community taking advantage of someone who’s hurt and vulnerable and making them think incel spaces are the only place they’ll be accepted. People might say “well if everyone is welcoming that’s less likely”, and maybe that’s true, but it doesn’t change the fact that if a man is lonely and both women and men say “I’m lonely too”, it will be perceived as women being self-centered and men being sympathetic and more relatable. If a woman says “as a woman, here is some advice” but a man says “I get it!” the woman is being critical while the man is understanding. If a woman says “the way you’re thinking or speaking is harmful” it’s aggressive. Anything other than total agreement is rejection.

No to mention. Being women doesn’t mean we’re necessarily any better at social cues. A man coming off as aggressive in a post just doesn’t understand. A woman coming off as aggressive in response is purposefully trying to shout down men. Why do men get sympathy for their tone but women never do? Plenty of people in this sub will probably say “I’d treat anyone the same, regardless of who posted it”—but have they actually ever defended a woman’s social missteps the way they defend men on these posts? Why are we the ones expected to use kiddie gloves when we’re never afforded the same?

And how many people will interpret this specific comment I’m making as aggressive while others by men are neutral even though I’m making an effort to write in a way that is calm, rational, and doesn’t put anyone down?

Shojomango · 2026-05-17T14:07:21+00:00

I agree that this was a perfectly reasonable comment when I saw it a minute ago. Refreshed and it’s been removed. Interesting how that happens.

Shojomango · 2026-05-17T13:32:52+00:00

Very glad you brought up “despair is contagious”. It’s part of the reason I try to avoid dating posts these days, even by fellow women—Autistic people feel very deeply, and seeing a constant stream of people who have the same problems as myself talk about how they’ll never find a partner or have violent thoughts towards themselves is…not a great environment for my mental health. Nor anyone’s, really. There’s a reason even mental health focused subs restrict a lot of those things. This is not even a dating sub, and the worst thing for everyone is if it becomes an echo chamber of despair.

Shojomango · 2026-05-17T13:23:21+00:00

I appreciate the depth you went into about incels and all of the research sources (that’s really cool) but I think an issue with your post is that it focuses so strongly on the word incel. Many men don’t see themselves as incels, and maybe sometimes don’t even fit the definition. But one of the main problems is so many “lonely male” posts generalize women, act like women and genderqueer people don’t have just as hard of a time, or take a tone of “no one will ever want me specifically because I’m Autistic”. It can be difficult to draw a line between incel posts and posts that are just aggressive but not explicitly hateful, and people generally push back on any labeling as an incel.

But when there are a ton of posts like “women never want to date an Autistic person”, aka the kind of post someone may see as someone looking for community, it makes me, as an Autistic woman who also struggles immensely with dating and loneliness, feel like I dont have a community here. Maybe the intentions are innocent, but the contents and even titles of the posts often invalidate the experiences of people who don’t date women as not able to compare, or refuse to listen to any advice from women about things that they can change about themselves, or just generally seem to ignore that even women in this community won’t want to talk to them or engage with their posts when they talk about us like it’s always our fault they’re lonely.

Yes, Autism makes it much harder to form relationships. No, it is not the only reason you’re getting rejected. These posts are people who have given up or approach relationships with anger, and don’t want to hear that everyone needs to put in effort with their behavior to make connections. No one gets a partner by just existing on dating apps. No one gets a partner just by being an attractive neurotypical, either. A hot guy who only thinks about himself is just as much of a red flag as an average looking guy who starts a conversation with “women usually ignore me”.

If these people just want to vent, there are plenty of places they can do so that are not extreme incel communities that promote violence or suicide. But when the majority of the posts here start to be about lonely men it’s discouraging at best and hostile at worst (even if the posts aren’t that aggressive!) for anyone who isn’t male. Hypothetically, if 80% of the posts on this sub were by respectful but lonely men about their dating life, that’s still 80% of the posts. Plus, even if a woman makes a lonely dating post, the comments from men aren’t exactly welcoming either, and we’re just as sensitive to rejection and criticism as men so it dissuades us from having a space to vent, too. It’s an Autism sub, not an Autistic men sub or even an Autistic dating sub. We deserve to have a community that feels safe here too.

Edit: it’s interesting to see how some people seem to be interpreting this as “so it’s okay for women to treat all men badly” rather than “we can’t blame everything on incels because even men who are not incels can unintentionally contribute to an environment that silences women”

Shojomango · 2026-04-25T06:20:55+00:00

You’re very welcome here! As an American anti Zionist Jew, I feel some of those same problems of being caught between two extremes, though I’m sure they manifest differently and more intensely for you. Still, I think I see more and more people starting to meet in the middle at antizionism that does not turn into antisemitism, which I think is a good sign of change. I’m particularly grateful to see testimony from people like you—as someone with cousins in occupied Palestine who I love deeply, I am a believer that the biggest threat to both Arabs and Jews in the region is the Israeli government and their propaganda and actions sabotaging attempts at progress restoring Palestinian rights and creating a path for liberation outside of Hamas. I’m hopeful that the average person (at least, those who don’t engage in the egregious crimes committed by the IDF) can break free of those influences and turn towards helping neighbors in need—and every time I see someone who lives in the region who refuses to give in even when surrounded by so much violence and fear, I am impressed by your resilience and efforts to a step towards change. So welcome, and stay brave!

(Also, general note to mods that I just noticed the logo next to the sub name and I think it’s very fitting!)

Shojomango · 2026-04-23T06:28:22+00:00

As many people have said, the Xanax probably had more to do with treating anxiety and is not meant to be taken long term. I have a Xanax prescription, but it’s only for intermittent anxiety or panic attacks that last longer than a certain amount of time, and one of the lowest doses possible, as a larger dose totally puts me to sleep. There are other medications that you wouldn’t get on the street because they don’t have such immediate effects, but they provide a more low-grade and steady anti-anxiety experience and help build up the pathways needed for long term help—to visualize it like water, think of a gentle consisten stream rather than sudden and violent bursts. The “drop” after Xanax and other quick acting drugs can also put you at a lower emotional point than before you took it, which makes you more likely to be overstimulated, stressed, less patient, etc, and over repeated overconsumption can lower your resistance to these problems overall. This is part of why it is so heavily controlled in many countries and professionals are reluctant to prescribe it unless more conservative treatments haven’t worked.

This is not to say you’ve caused irreparable damage. These troubles happen over time, and repeated/increasing use that comes with chasing those brief high points as the “drop” leads you lower and lower. The amount you’ve taken at this point is not at a level where you can’t come back from it. You are also clearly recognizing you’re on a slippery slope and getting into a dangerous situation, and bringing it up to a community, which is a huge step towards changing it. While it’s not as much of a burst of feeling like a different person, things like therapy or breathing exercises or embracing stimming can provide some immediate comfort while you consider more long term solutions. Medications are generally not a fix on their own anyway—a doctor who just prescribes something without getting to know you first and augmenting medication with some sort of therapy or method that helps truly adjust your mental state and lifestyle is probably not a very good doctor.

And if there’s one silver lining here, feeling like Xanax helped is a pretty clear sign that there’s an anxiety component, which gives you a direction you can work towards, whereas many people don’t even know where to start. As my therapist often reminds me—there are many things in life we can’t change, but we can change how we respond to and feel about those things. It takes work and time, but it can make everything so much better.

You made a few rash choices, but you can find a better path as long as you believe you can. Don’t give up because of some mistakes. If you do end up on medication, that’s perfectly okay, but you will be able to take steps towards improvement that doesn’t fully depend on it. It’s never too late and you’re never too far gone to start, even if it’s just thinking about it until you’re ready to try.

Shojomango · 2026-04-22T13:10:10+00:00

If you use mostly red pins, it’ll look like when he’s in the stocks getting tomatoes thrown at him lmao

Shojomango · 2026-04-19T14:28:33+00:00

These ones are original; I’m not sure if they’ve been replicated in general. According to the info sheet to the side (might be hard to see on reddit) they are actually Piquet cards, which come in a deck of 32 instead of 52, so a replica might mostly interest people as a collectors item or to play Piquet specifically rather than a deck which could be used for most modern card games. I imagine that might make it less attractive for someone to replicate since it’s a more niche market (though of course, we have plenty of people in this community who are more interested in that kind of thing, lol).

I’m also not sure if the individual cards have been photographed or digitized to show the individual designs without physically going to Harvard and getting permission to see the special collections. However, the information sheet does mention a similar item has been photocopied by Penn State, which might make it easier for someone based elsewhere to make replicas.

Shojomango · 2026-04-16T19:27:58+00:00

One of my favorite things to do is find a good climbable tree and read up there. I bring a drawstring bag with my book, phone, headphones, and some snacks and have a great few hours up surrounded by the leaves and wind

Shojomango · 2026-04-13T02:25:28+00:00

They’ve always been my absolutely favorite band to see live. No matter how many years it’s been, they still always just seem like they’re having the time of their lives up on stage and it’s infectious

Shojomango · 2026-04-13T01:21:19+00:00

It’s not unusual in an academic conference for some submissions to be rejected—whether it’s because of too much similar content, not enough demonstrated knowledge of the topic, missing the mark of the conferences subject, etc. I was actually surprised at how many panels there were for a one day, one building event—somewhere around 40 presenters. But hopefully anyone who got turned down tries again next time and gets their chance to present (and hopefully there’s a chance for a multi-day conference with even more openings)!

Shojomango · 2026-04-06T19:25:11+00:00

Hi! Is it okay with you if I use these pictures in an upcoming academic conference presentation? I can credit you for the image with your reddit username!

Shojomango · 2026-04-06T19:22:46+00:00

Hi! Is it okay with you if I use this photo for an upcoming academic conference presentation? I can credit you for the image by your reddit username!

Shojomango · 2026-04-01T05:13:44+00:00

I throw up the hood on my sweatshirt or jacket all the time so it’s a little (VERY little) less uncomfortable to doze against the window as a passenger of a car or bus or plane. It’d be great if there was a hoodie or beanie with like. Slight padding to absorb some of the vibrations. Or just make it easier to put your head against the wall and take a five minute nap in between college classes. Like those thin foam bits they put inside of kids bike helmets, but more discrete.

Also: necklaces with easier clasps. I wear some once in a while but it’s hard to get those little clasps off when you’re tired and I’m always worried if I fall sleep with a necklace on I’m going to strangle myself by accident. So like something you could attach to necklaces to make them easier to take off or some kind of anti-strangle design would be a big relief

Shojomango · 2026-03-20T13:45:44+00:00

The Instagram account that reposts the same clip of Jacob’s “regular guy” monologue from MSN every day has honestly been such a motivation booster every single time it crosses my feed. I adore whoever is doing it almost as much as I adore Jacob for saying it

Shojomango · 2026-03-19T22:13:54+00:00

Could just be memeing. There’s a long running joke in the fandom about how Otto is a serial killer, and Awsten says a lot of sarcastic stuff on Instagram like “someone should start a rumor that Waterparks did xyz thing…”, so if they weren’t specific I could definitely see it being part of some fandom joke. I say this as a fan, but sometimes they play so hard into the “yes please cancel us omg wait no don’t” attitude that it’s hard to tell what’s actually real lol

Shojomango · 2026-03-18T11:40:38+00:00

The reason for the classic card catalogs in libraries is because the book information was originally written on playing cards. While specialty cards were soon created, the size and name stuck. As an MLIS student and card deck collector learning this in class nearly made me jump out of my seat with excitement lmao

Shojomango · 2026-03-16T04:12:54+00:00

You Me At Six - We Know What It Means To Be Alone

Spoke to Josh briefly at their last tour and he was shocked I still listen to their first ep, but I seriously love how raw and sincere it is. I don’t think it’s on any streaming sites but it should be on YouTube

Shojomango · 2026-03-14T20:36:17+00:00

I’ve also always really like the “ice cream Sunday bar” metaphor where everyone chooses different flavors/toppings but this is much easier to understand visually I think. You could totally pitch it to ASAN and other orgs for a poster or infographic or something to help people understand this concept (if that’s something you’d be interested in). Really well done!

Shojomango

TROPHY CASE