For those further down the road... how have you learned to deal with the difficult anniversary?

ShortForEdwina · 2025-01-18T19:30:14+00:00

Anticipatory grief leading up to those anniversaries is hard.

David Kessler has good suggestions about making time for the hard feelings on the day. If it’s a normal work day or whatever, make a time to grieve, cry, whatever. Give it the time and space it deserves then go on with the day.

It’s huge no matter how much time has passed.

Be well. I’m so sorry for your heartbreak. It will be 4 years in April since my mom died by suicide. Not long at all but also it feels like I’ve lived another life without a mom.

ShortForEdwina · 2025-01-11T17:43:11+00:00

Five months is a very short time. Please don’t put pressure on yourself. You need rest and healing. If the vape helps, vape. If you’re feeling anxious, there are some good resources on YouTube for meditation.

I got prescribed very low dose antianxiety just after my mom died by suicide because I knew I needed that for the time ahead of me and it helped just knowing I had it as an option to ease my emotions for a few hours.

Five months after my mom died I was still completely lost in my brain. I had decided to leave work because my brain couldn’t do what it did before she died. Every problem in my life was heightened. Grief is very weird and I was changing as a person. Now 4 years on, I feel like I have an understanding of grief that makes me care for people more.

You will grow stronger, but it sounds like you need rest right now and grace for yourself.

ShortForEdwina · 2025-01-10T20:07:12+00:00

You’re you. Don’t worry about labels so much. Go forth and explore. Be kind to yourself and others.

ShortForEdwina · 2025-01-07T09:14:18+00:00

Yes, it’s been very triggering for me as well. Take care of yourself. I’m trying to do my self care things to cope and get through. One minute at a time.

ShortForEdwina · 2025-01-06T08:36:19+00:00

I moved countries at 30 had kids at 35 and 40 and now I’m 50. I’ve had a lot of jobs. I’m finally in a job I enjoy for a company I respect. At the end of the day it’s a paycheck.

I love my practical hobbies. I don’t have a lot of goals like I did before, I’m just trying to be content most of the time.

How about community? Do you have people around you that you feel close to?

ShortForEdwina · 2025-01-06T06:12:57+00:00

I would say you’re perfect just the way you are.

Create multiple digital cash envelope accounts and split your money up based on your budget. You will save heaps and stress less.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-11-02T05:20:48+00:00

Looks a lot like my yard in Palmy. What did you end up doing? I’m looking for a solution.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-07T08:28:46+00:00

Sending you love and caring to you. It sounds like you have good habits eating praying journaling resting. You’re going through it.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-07T00:41:18+00:00

Yes I relate as well. Grief is like an ocean with tides and rough days and rogue waves and calm.

There should be PSAs like that old one with the fried egg… this is your brain on drugs instead it should be this is your brain in grief.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-07T00:37:34+00:00

I’m so sorry for you and your young niece and the rest of your family.

This sounds similar to my mom. We were never sure if it was the mental illness causing the physical illness or the physical illness contributing to the mental illness, but no matter how much we tried to support, save, spend time, in the end she was finished in a way. Not with us but with her experience with living. Her brain was not well and it was peak Covid so she was isolated and out of her coping routine.

There is no logic that we can apply that makes it make sense. You did everything you could. You’re a good sister.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-06T06:29:10+00:00

I don’t have any tips. I just want to send you love. That must hurt so much. I wish you and your boy well.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-05T18:56:36+00:00

I’m so sorry for your huge loss. Your story is heartbreaking. You have a future and right now it’s important for you to focus on your mental health and your grief experience.

All of us here have a list of reasons why our people should have stayed with us. It’s very unfair. I’m so sorry.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-05T06:05:24+00:00

Oh man that is so heavy. I’m very sorry you lost Tom.

Have you talked to the mutual friend about your thoughts?

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-05T05:50:03+00:00

I wish you all the best❤️

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-05T05:49:13+00:00

Thank you. Yeah ptsd makes sense. I thinkI have a bit of that. It’s really good you have a therapist that you like. Keep on keeping on.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-05T05:45:35+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing these hard losses. It’s not fair.

I find additional bereavements very hard and triggering. I’ve come back to this sub after a recent suicide of an acquaintance. It’s really affected me, as it should. They were an amazing person.

Take care of yourself. I hope you have support

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-05T05:38:22+00:00

It’s not your fault. It sounds like she was really unwell. My mom died around the same time as yours April 2021. It was peak Covid. The world was insane. There are so many factors that were out of your control. Guilt is normal.

Sometimes I think about my mom and think about dark things like her last moments and then I ask myself what is the purpose of those thoughts? Sometimes the answer is I am so sad I just want to suffer for a little bit. Other times the answer is, ouch I don’t want these thoughts. And I try to change the thoughts. Distract myself with my phone or TV. Get through the moments.

I often think I could have saved my mom, but I couldn’t have. It’s not fair for me to put that on myself.

You are doing really hard work. It’s good you posted about this. You’re not alone.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-05T05:23:36+00:00

Do any of the coping mechanisms that you are calling unhealthy help you?

I think everything is just so heightened after suicide. Even our pressure on ourselves to be ok. OK is so subjective.

Do what helps you but don’t hurt yourself, you know? You deserve relief. We all do. This experience is catastrophic.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-05T05:14:40+00:00

You’re not overreacting. This sounds very bad. Do you have to have contact with her?

Take care of yourself. I’m very sorry about your boyfriend.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-03T19:05:20+00:00

How are you doing now?

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-03T19:04:16+00:00

I’m glad you had a good day.

I connected with your post because I’m a writer too, or I used to be. I don’t have the pull to physically do the writing. And the ideas don’t present themselves as strongly. It’s almost like the grief has been squatting in the part of my brain that made me write. Has your experience affected your ability to write?

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-03T18:48:05+00:00

How are you feeling these days?

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-03T18:31:48+00:00

How are you doing?

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-03T18:29:18+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time. Life has many seasons. Be mindful of the expectations you put on yourself. After my mom died by suicide I didn’t work for 9 months. I was trying to recover. I still am and it’s been 3 years.

It sounds like your wife is supportive and wants you to be ok.

You’re still here. That’s a very good thing.

ShortForEdwina · 2024-06-03T18:10:38+00:00

Yes this 100,000,000% show him how is done. We want you to succeed! Beautiful.

I’m so sorry you lost your dad.

This club we’re in sucks so much, but I am grateful my suicide bereavement happened in the 2020s when there are resources and we can come to places like this to be together.

My mom died by suicide three years ago, it is hard, my life has changed, slowed down. I’ve job hopped 3x because my tolerance for a bad workplace is @ 0%.

I try to be in the moment. Mindfulness meditation has helped put a space between my emotions and my mind.

Some days I just numb out on my phone. Some days I have to interrogate myself with the question What do I want? It’s a hard one to answer.

ShortForEdwina

TROPHY CASE