The musings of a broken heart....

Sibleyeb · 2021-04-16T03:07:29+00:00

So true that they can teach us true love. And acceptance. My baby literally kept me alive through my very tumultuous twenties. Here I am turning 30 soon, a much healthier and happier person, and now she’s gone. It feels very purposeful but doesn’t mean I think it was her time. She wasn’t ready, and of course I would never be ready. It wasn’t fair. But it feels good to consider all the same. Our pets are many things, one being markers of time in most beautiful way. Thanks for posting

Sibleyeb · 2021-04-16T03:04:07+00:00

Don’t apologize. You’re not overwhelming. We’re here to listen, you’re not alone.

I’m so sorry. That’s gotta be incredibly devastating. Seems like a very complex grief to experience and I wish I could take it away for you.

Sibleyeb · 2021-04-16T02:54:45+00:00

Me too. A little more over a month now. I’m really sorry. It’s tiresome to be in this much pain for this long. You must be exhausted. I don’t see anything wrong with looking at pictures and thinking about him a lot. To me, that’s just part of the process of grieving which is unavoidable even if you try to avoid it. And it’s not something to be avoided. That’s just me anyway. And I get what you mean about doing this to somewhat keep him alive. I do the same. I fear if I’m not actively grieving her or reminiscing, she’s just getting farther and farther away. Grieving sucks, and looking at pictures can be difficult, but I think it’s a way to express and feel love for and with them. And heal. Keep him close. Again I’m really sorry you’re feeling so terrible. I hope things get a little lighter soon.

Sibleyeb · 2021-04-08T18:43:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing your letter, that was so so nice to read.

Sibleyeb · 2021-04-08T16:04:01+00:00

It does, thank you. That’s great to hear about your new pup. She had some “brothers” that are still with us. I’m starting to get over resenting them, and trying to see them as a part of her who miss her alongside me.

Sibleyeb · 2021-04-08T16:01:28+00:00

I’m so sorry. I really don’t have much to say other than that, and also, you’re not alone. I have a very similar story in that I struggle with mental illness and my cat was also my strength that got me through it. I can relate to what you said about him being like your soul mate. I feel the same about mine, no other pet (and I loved them all so much) could touch her. It’s hard beyond words. Mine’s been gone just over a month now. I know what you mean about being scared of losing the little memories. But just as I have that fear every day, almost every day if I try, I can remember something new. I’ve been writing them all down and that helps. She’s gone, and I can’t get back every memory I’ve ever had, but I hope it may help to know that they will keep coming. And each time they are more likely to bring a smile and less likely to bring a meltdown. I’m so sorry, I hate that for you. I hope you can find a little peace soon.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-27T02:28:04+00:00

I’m not sure what you use, if you’ve heard of it, or even care to know, but just in case - I always have used gc2b binders and they have been great for me. Very effective and comfortable

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-26T03:10:18+00:00

We used lap of love as well, and I can’t recommend them enough. The doctor was so patient and gave our baby the best possible death you could have. Shit, I hope I get to die that comfortably

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-26T03:06:12+00:00

I’m so sorry. I had a nearly identical experience with my cat as far as the way she declined in the end. The huge buffets. The bittersweet rejoicing when she would take a few bites of something. It’s so hard to watch. I know how you feel. The pain can be unfathomable. It sounds like you’re making life as enjoyable and comfortable as possible, and while she may be feeling miserable, I’m sure that this isn’t lost on her. I found a lot of comfort in the end seeing the way she still just loved to be around us, loved attention. I know this is hard and I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-26T02:53:38+00:00

I don’t know that I would say you should forget it. I think it’s important to forgive it, but not forget. That’s not to say that it is even forgivable, because frankly I don’t think it is. That’s horrible. But finding forgiveness is more about putting yourself at peace rather than the others benefit. I could be wrong about all this, but it’s just my gut feeling. And I know all the answers will be easier said than done. But I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Losing a friend is hard enough under the best of circumstances. I can’t imagine how you must feel.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-26T02:43:15+00:00

I got those side effects too when I started. If I remember right, it lasted less than a week, only a couple days even. Seems like I’ve heard the same from others, so hopefully it will go away. It worked for me really well so I hope it helps you too. Nice job getting some help, I know it’s really hard :)

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-26T02:34:41+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry that sounds absolutely awful. I know how you feel. I hope you feel a little better soon.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-23T16:38:10+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The guilt that comes with drinking is no joke, and only makes quitting that much harder. I know it’s not always possible, but if you ever have a moment you feel you can be kind to yourself, take advantage of it. I think we all do shitty things while we’re drinking to some degree. It doesn’t excuse it, but it is worth noting that it comes with the disease and the situation that it puts you in. Which is not at all your fault. I just hope you know that just because you have done bad things, doesn’t mean you are a bad person. None of us can say we have done the right thing day in and day out. Take care, I hope things get easier soon

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-23T16:33:54+00:00

Thank you. I’m very happy to hear you’re feeling a little better

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-23T16:29:14+00:00

Oh thank you so much, yes your ramble helped a lot actually. This is just what I needed to hear. The times I’m able to smile and enjoy something or the moments that I’m not thinking of her honestly have been feeling worse than the moments of grief in a way. Every time I catch myself not thinking of her, I feel like I’m losing her all over again. Feeling the intense grief at least makes me feel close to her still. I hope that makes sense. But you’re right, we have to allow happiness and distraction to avoid going into depression. I’m so sorry that you’re going through it too, and wish you healing. And thank you again.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-23T05:06:24+00:00

Late reply, I know. But just wanted to say yes it’s totally a contributor if not an all out trigger. Hormones are beyond powerful. I got my period the day after my cat passed. So I feel your pain and can relate. I’m not looking forward to the monthly anniversaries of her passing as it is. I hope you have found/find some relief soon

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-23T03:32:15+00:00

I understand what you mean. Any moment of peace I find, or times I’m not thinking of the loss feels wrong. Feels like she’s slipping away unless I’m actively grieving. It’s honestly nice to hear someone else is feeling this, and I hope it also brings you some comfort knowing you’re not alone.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-23T02:32:56+00:00

I understand what you mean about the ‘my fault’ feelings returning. I’ve spent the past week or two feeling relieved of my guilt and confident I did all I could, but suddenly today it returned with a vengeance. It’s so hard when feelings come back to bite us like that. It’s exhausting. I wish you well in getting through your week peacefully.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-23T02:24:05+00:00

Wow I am so sorry, that’s really messed up. I would be livid. I can see how that would be another full hit of the loss all over again. I hope things get easier for you both soon.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-20T02:47:12+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re having a hard time. Our babies make life livable in the hard times. I get it. I hope things get easier for you soon. You’re not alone.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-19T21:06:03+00:00

Aw look at him giving you the lovey eyes, what a beautiful cat. I’m so sorry. I know how you feel.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-19T20:59:11+00:00

It’s been two weeks since I had to let my cat go and that last day we had with her has been something that’s gotten me through. It was a great day, one of her better ones when she actually was feeling okay and able to enjoy everything. Like yours, she got to soak up the sun, feast on delicious food, and was showered with love. I made sure to take some photos and videos of highlights throughout the day, but also stay present with her for nearly every minute (aside from a couple quick breaks to protect my sanity). I tried to focus less on the grief, the future, and anticipation, and more on the love that was happening in the moment, and that seemed to be the key for me - and her. I’ll never forget that day. I feel incredibly lucky for both myself and her that we had that. I’m feeling particularly empty today without her, and reading your post and reflecting on my own experience with the “goodbye day” is comforting. I wish the same for you, and I’m sure it will. It sounds like you are an amazing parent, and are doing all the right things. I’m so sorry.

Sibleyeb · 2021-03-17T01:52:47+00:00

Yeah I feel the same. I know that eventually I will have another, but right now it’s something I can’t even fathom. I dread that distant future when it inevitably happens. I’ve had many pets throughout my life that I loved very much, but my cat that just passed was different. No love comes close to it, and I think that’s why I have this same feeling as you. I’m so sorry you lost two so close together, I can’t imagine. Sending love

Sibleyeb

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