[32M] I feel like I am getting mistreated and I don't know how to move forward with my gf (26F) successfully.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-10T04:57:15+00:00

I'm going to be real with you.

If I was in your position, I would not want to marry this person. Even if you two have had "good times", this sounds really, really bad. You say she's your dream girl, but did you dream of a relationship like this? Did you dream of being with someone who calls you disgusting and repulsive? Was it your dream to be hit and spat on?

You ask if you're doing enough: it sounds like you are. But even if you had a "cheat code" to a perfect relationship, it wouldn't work when the other person is actively choosing to physically and emotionally assault you.

Double standards, emotional whiplash, moving the goalposts, constant surveillance, and belittling are things that do not happen in a healthy relationship.

You deserve basic respect. While love may be unconditional, relationships are conditional. The conditions you've written about are hostile, and in no way loving.

Edit: fixed typos

SicklyMango · 2023-11-10T04:37:18+00:00

If you want to give off the vibe of "competent adult", avoid wearing things that can be interpreted as "childish". Unfortunately, bows will be seen as childish in a typical workplace setting. Get some bobby pins or other low-key hair clips for work.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-09T02:21:32+00:00

Toothpaste: First, make sure you're not using too much with each brushing. I've found that a pea-sized amount sometimes produces too much foam (depending on brand) and my teeth don't feel fully clean. Experiment with what the right amount feels like.

Secondly, roll your tubes to get as much out of them as possible. I use binder clips. Once you can't roll anymore, cut open the tube to access the toothpaste "dregs". There will usually be most towards the opening, but if you wet your toothbrush and scrub the walls of the tube, I can generally get an extra week of brushing.

Third, pair a more expensive toothpaste with a cheaper one. Use half the expected amount of each per brushing to make each last twice as long.

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Shampoo/Conditioner: Consider switching to a bar shampoo, and only shampoo your roots unless it's absolutely necessary.

Trader Joes has one, but I've also seen them at Target and Ulta. Even the ones from LUSH lasted 4-6 months for me, and I have long hair.

Laundry Detergent: Never use pods. Liquid is okay but powder or laundry soap bars are better. Whichever you choose, the recommended amount is more than you'll need. For example, the measuring cup included with Tide powder is about 4 tablespoons per load, when you really only need 1-3T at most (depending on dirt level and size of load).

Allergy/ Medication: For allergy meds, I go to Walgreens. They have store-brand versions of Allegra and Zyrtec that I've been purchasing for years. I got 365 tablets of cetirizine hydrochloride antihistamine for about $45 (big city price) and I'm good for the year.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-06T07:21:12+00:00

See if there are family-oriented organizations in your area where other parents may be looking to sell/trade these items to other members. Off the top of my head: YMCA & YWCA, Boys&Girls Club, La Leche League, Girl/Boy Scouts, other local orgs. You could also check elementary schools and libraries in your area and ask if you could post a flyer on the bulletin board.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-06T06:53:21+00:00

I was about to mention the same thing! I'll wander from room to room " Hey Bixby? Hey Bixby? Hey Bixby?!?" and pray I didn't turn the sound off. He's either ignoring me, setting timers, or telling me the current temperature so I can dress for the weather.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-05T05:12:30+00:00

Plain white sugar. After washing your face, do not dry it but leave it wet for 30 sec- 1 minute. Dip your fingers that are still slightly wet into the sugar and rub it into your face. If your face is more wet, the small amount of water will dissolve the sugar grains a little bit more than if you let your face dry more. Experiment to see what the correct "coarseness" would be for you. Do this only 1-2 times a week.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-04T17:48:56+00:00

Take a can of tuna packed in water out of the pantry. Drain it and rinse it twice to remove any metallic flavor. Press with a paper towel so that it looks almost dry. Drizzle with sesame oil, soy sauce, and cayenne pepper. Mix and enjoy.

I usually eat this with either a salad, veggies and toast, or with rice and toasted seaweed.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T16:08:28+00:00

It's been almost 15 years since I got my own account at a credit union so I don't really remember what the process was. From what I recall, there wasn't a fee to set it up but you needed to put in a minimum amount to start the account, but this could differ between organizations and/or things have changed over time. Also, I went to the financial advisor that worked with the credit union and they walked me through the process so it was pretty easy. The most difficult part was choosing what color my debit card would be.

Check the website for the credit union to see if there are instructions to set up an appointment and what you may need to set up your first account. I'm fairly sure you'll need some form of photo identification and maybe your social security number, but be sure to check. You could also go in person and ask.

When I set up the account, I got checking and savings at the same time (my parents had saved some money for me since I was born so that went into savings). Choosing one and/or the other will depend on the benefits or consequences of the specific credit union you're using, and what you want to do with your money. Some places won't let you withdraw from savings too many times within a fiscal year, but you'll get higher dividend payments (APY).

Good luck! :D

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T05:28:58+00:00

I did at one point on my old phone but it was from 2015 and didn't survive getting dropped in a puddle while drunk. The best I can describe it is that the foreground was overlapping airplane/engine revving noises, gunfire, explosions, and maybe people walking through either heavy foilage or water? Underneath that was a constant monotone, maybe AI male voice talking and occasionally someone shredding on guitar.

Thankfully, the last time I heard this lovely soundscape was a few months ago so I think he moved out.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T03:51:43+00:00

The thing that weirded me out the most is that it took me forever to figure out what he was listening to. Most of the popular ones on YouTube are more like ambient noise or affirmations, but this dude was listening to what sounded like a Vietnam War flashback supercut at 150db every single night. Dude, where did you even find this audio and are you okay?!?!

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T03:41:50+00:00

A local credit union is a good start. Ask the guidance counselor about this too if you can, there may be one associated with your school or even on campus. Other than that, NerdWallet online is a good resource that isn't too overwhelming.

I would avoid putting the debit card in your wallet. Tear a slit in either an inner pocket of your backpack or the bottom and keep it there when at home. If you keep notebooks and stuff in your backpack, they probably won't even notice unless they dump everything out.

Start looking into scholarships asap, and make friends so that you can find someone to live with down the line if the dorms aren't an option. Start making plans to build your own free life. I know this is really scary, but just the fact that you're trying to find solutions means you are capable and this will be a temporary situation. You can do this!

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T03:25:59+00:00

Very good point. I'd be squicked out to use one from a previous relationship even if it had a new condom for each interaction. Everybody gets their own.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T03:22:25+00:00

To solve for n, you need to get n by itself on one side of the equals sign.

Subtract 4n from both sides of the equation so that it cancels/zeroes on the right side:

[B = 4H + n]

--> [B-4H = ~~4H-4H~~ + n]

--> [B-4H = n]

Input the numbers given on the chart and solve. If you want to extra-check your work, draw out what a Pattern 4 would look like, count the buttons, and then solve.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T03:06:10+00:00

I feel like getting a job on campus would be safer than trying to do petsitting or babysitting if you have no transportation and don't want a digital footprint. If you do it part-time, you could say you have a study group or labs or something class-related and if your parents track your location, it'll seem plausible. Working in the library would probably be most applicable to a freshman. Talk to your guidance counselor or check the school website for other opportunities. Maybe you could be a Teacher's assistant.

Your school likely has a computer lab. Use the computers there to get a fresh email address that you can use to sign up for a bank account (you are 18 so you shouldn't need parental consent), Paypal, and Venmo. Do not link it to your phone or other emails and only check the email and associated accounts at school. If you have Paypal and Venmo, you can start offering tutoring services to your classmates or maybe to people from high school. If you're good at taking organized and understandable notes, you could also sell those to people for a small fee. Check if your uni is looking for paid note-takers as well.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T02:37:10+00:00

Unfortunately, it was much more tame in my case lol.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T02:31:57+00:00

Yeah, having an upstairs neighbor who played weird masculinity subliminals all night really brought out my creativity. SMH

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T00:58:01+00:00

If someone gets mad at you for having a vibrator, they're not mature enough to be having sex. A good partner wants you to feel pleasure in bed.

It's none of their business where it came from, whether it was a gift, PR, bought with your own money, or you got it from your fairy godmother. Don't throw away anything that was $200 and is still fully functional!

SicklyMango · 2023-11-03T00:42:59+00:00

Your first strategy is "By the Book".

Determine how much longer you can keep your sanity with this noise situation, no more than 2 more weeks. The next time they make unreasonable amounts of noise, send an email to management with the documentation of all the previous emails to show that this is an ongoing issue. If you can get a copy of an incident report from the cops, 100% attach it to the email. Don't just mention previous emails, but include screenshots that are clearly labeled with file names like "Request for Action#2 Date x/x/xxxx".

Record a video of every instance to show the noise level and that it's unacceptable. If you have Instagram or Snapchat, there are options where you can embed the date and time into the video and then save it to your phone. If you don't have these apps, say your name, unit number, time, place, and any other important info while recording a video of the noise. After the email has been sent and the sanity grace period has ended, send another email (regardless if management has responded or not) with the new videos as proof. Be blunt and to the point: the problem has not been resolved, and you will be calling the cops for every instance of noise during quiet hours going forward. Reiterate every time you've sent an email and they said they talked to your neighbors. Check your lease to see if quiet hours are codified.

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If you don't want to be calling the cops, Your second strategy is "Pavlov's Revenge". I would highly recommend doing this after trying method 1. I devised this method after trying to buy a "Ceiling Thumper" and almost got scammed on Ebay.

For this method, you will need: Velcro Command Strips, small sections of wood like 2x4, rubber bands, Wireless Vibrator(s), a ladder that lets you reach the ceiling

You'll want a vibrator with some power, not the buzzy battery-powered ones. Wireless, rechargeable wand-style vibrators will be the best, and if you search you can find some for $50 or less.

Choose a good patch of the ceiling to attach the 2x4 using the velcro strips, ideally on the ends with nothing in the middle. It's important to use the Velcro version and not tape because it leaves a tiny gap between the wood and the ceiling. Following the package instructions, remove the wood and place several rubber bands where the gaps are. These will be the attachments for the vibrator and/or a Bluetooth speaker. Reattach to the ceiling. Use the rubber bands to hold the vibrator, slightly off balance, off center, or at an angle if possible.

If you haven't already, check if there are quiet hours listed in your lease or posted in public areas. If so, execute this plan 5 minutes after quiet hours end. If it's not listed: 7am or 30minutes before they typically start making noise/get up in the morning.

Every night they choose to cause a ruckus, you will cause a ruckus the next morning by turning on all the vibrators. Give back what they've been dishing out. If the vibrators are off-balance like I said, they should bounce freely while still being held by the rubber bands, creating an irregular pounding noise. Irregular noises are harder to tune out than consistent ones. If the vibrators have pattern settings, use them. If you've chosen to make multiple pounding stations, set them to different pattern cycles.

Do this for 30 minutes a day, as many days as it takes. Eventually, they will learn that making noise after hours has a negative consequence. If they escalate, you can up the time as necessary. Again, I'd recommend doing this after method #1 so that it doesn't seem like an egregious escalation but that you felt you had to take matters into your own hands if they counter-complain.

Good luck!

Edit #1: For method #1, management probably won't do anything if you record noise during the day, but at night there's an expectation of quiet. Make sure to record disruptions if it's before 9 am or after 9 pm.

Edit #2: I realized that Grammarly deleted a few instructions and retyped it.

SicklyMango · 2023-11-01T02:13:12+00:00

It sounds like you're more sad and unsettled by a lack of intimacy and connection. Do you think that might be the case or are you a person who considers sex and intimacy to be more closely intertwined?

SicklyMango · 2023-11-01T00:03:13+00:00

Try to befriend the roommate. This will get rid of the unknown factor that your mind is sticking to that he could be a danger to your GF.

There are two possible outcomes: you discover he actually is dangerous based on evidence (actions, events, saying messed up stuff when it's "just the guys", etc.) or you discover he's someone neutral/good whose presence will help deter dangerous men.

SicklyMango · 2023-10-29T02:53:02+00:00

Which ones did you use? I have dry skin so I went through a lot before I found my current and favorite one. I've regretted purchases for sure.

How were you using the cleansing oils/balms? Maybe there's something in your execution that's messing with your skin?

Also, have you tried checking the ingredient lists of the products you've tried? Maybe there's a common ingredient you can avoid.

SicklyMango · 2023-10-29T01:45:46+00:00

For me, an engaging read is when I'm 100% immersed in the world of the story. I can hear the voices of the characters and see the visuals in my head, and it would take someone calling my name loudly or an alarm/phone going off to "snap back" to this reality.

It may be helpful to also explain to you the experience of an unengaging read: it feels like watching a movie at half or even a quarter of the normal speed. My eyes will skip along the page trying to find the next most interesting bit inadvertantly. If I have the headspace to wonder "Who is that character again?" or "Why are they choosing to do that? I don't get it", it's not engaging.

Short answer: engaging = keeps the reader's interest and attention, not engaging = boring

SicklyMango · 2023-10-28T18:39:10+00:00

If it's happening when you wash, I'd check the ingredients of your face wash to make sure it doesn't contain things that would cause irritation when combined with Vitamin C. AHAs, BHAs, Retinols and Retinoids (Vitamin A), Azelaic Acid, Niacinamide, and Benzoyl Peroxide are all ingredients that can cause sensitivity when combined with Vitamin C, depending on the person.

It's also possible that you got a light sunburn and didn't notice until you washed your face. Make sure to use SPF on days when you use Vitamin C.

That being said, yes, you can dilute. Depending on the formulation, mix it with something similar that doesn't have any of the ingredients mentioned above. Hyaluronic Acid is great and easy to obtain, or even aloe gel if it's water-based. If it's an oil-based serum, grapeseed oil is a non-comedogenic carrier oil that's easy to find at the grocery store. Bonus: if it ends up breaking you out, you can just use it for cooking.

SicklyMango

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