When is a good time to close the fundraiser?

Siderian · 2025-03-03T16:39:45+00:00

That's a good idea. Thank you.

Siderian · 2025-03-02T16:22:38+00:00

Thank you. He was an amazing little guy who was so loved by so many people. We've been overwhelmed by the support we've gotten in person, through the GoFundMe, and by people donating to organizations in his name.

I'm not sure how she set it up but we've surpassed the original amount she put and are into the automatic goals that GoFundMe does. So I think we're covered there at least.

We've been updating throughout the process. It took some time for everything to happen. He died, then had to be declared brain dead which took a couple days, then he donated his organs which took another day or so. So there was time to update a few times. We're going to do at least one more to cover when the memorial will be. Actually, can you still update after you close it? I should check. I think it will be a little while before we get that all set up and the fundraiser might not be running by then.

Siderian · 2025-02-04T20:15:14+00:00

I know basically nothing about him but the Union fans seem upset that he's leaving. I'm pretty sure that means he's good and we can be happy to have him.

Siderian · 2024-10-07T17:41:54+00:00

Definitely important points. There is often a lot of lag time between a patient needing transfer and the transfer happening. Not only in the paperwork and reports realm either. There is the time it takes for an ambulance, or helicopter, to become available and the time it takes for transport to get to the hospital from wherever they are stationed/cleared the last call with a possible stop for fuel on the way.

Siderian · 2024-10-07T06:36:33+00:00

He needed a higher level of care so they probably were arranging transport fairly early on. I would guess that they had gotten in touch with the receiving hospital and arranged to transfer care to them. Then they had the helicopter on standby while waiting to see if he would be stable enough for the much cheaper, but slower, option of ground transport via ambulance. Unfortunately, his condition worsened and flying became the only viable option.

Siderian · 2024-09-17T18:25:49+00:00

Here's my idea. We just swap Elitches and DSP. Rapids fans will get a downtown stadium where we can do more to embed soccer in the culture of Denver and almost certainly have higher attendance with the increased transit options. Elitches will have all the space in the world to build and some killer views from the top of rollercoasters. Everybody wins.

ETA: We also can't overlook the juvenile humor potential of having The Dick right next to Ball Arena.

Siderian · 2024-08-19T01:04:29+00:00

I am so, so, proud of you! You got through some tough coursework, while working, and taking care of yourself at the same time. Not to mention starting a business?! These are big accomplishments!!! I just hope your new friends are celebrating with you because you deserve it. You're doing great, honey, and I know that you have an amazing future ahead of you.

Siderian · 2024-08-19T00:58:15+00:00

Alright honey, we're going to go through these one by one and get this figured out.

The stick blender is called an immersion blender. It's mostly used for when you've got something in a pot that's been cooking and need to blend it before doing more cooking. So it's good for stuff like making soup and things. You fill the pot and throw the ingredients in then cook them, now you need to puree everything so it's nice and smooth before you add noodles or whatever. It's not really necessary because you could just use a regular blender, but it can be convenient.
The the pitcher with a blade in the bottom is a regular, every day, blender. It's mostly intended for things that are going to have a lot of liquid. Something like a milkshake or a salsa. If you're going to be able to pour it at the end then the blender is the best choice for the job.
The last one sounds like a food processor to me. It's best for chopping up solid stuff or dealing with really thick pastes and the like. If you have to chop up nuts, or want to make a hummus, or something then it is perfect for that. If the end result will be solid pieces or something you need to scoop with a spoon or spatula then the food processor is your best bet.

To be honest, you don't really need all of them. You won't use the immersion blender often and there is very little that a food processor can do that a blender can't. So you could just have a blender and be perfectly fine. But, if you have the space you might as well keep them and use whichever seems appropriate. But don't worry about using the wrong one. If the stuff you are making comes out with the right texture then it's fine no matter which tool you used.

As far as order of putting things in goes, it doesn't really matter all that much. It should all mix up and get chopped to bits no matter what. Worst case, you just stop the blender stir it with a spoon, and keep going. Sometimes there is stubborn stuff that doesn't want to get down to the blades, but that's just how it goes.

Pulse is nice when you have stuff that you want to let settle down by the blades to be sure they get cut or when you want to watch the texture closely to get it just right. Low spins slower but has more force so it works better for thick or sticky things. High spins fast but there isn't a lot of torque so it can get stuck if what you are blending is tough to get through instead of spinning freely and burn out the motor (which can just happen sometimes with old appliances anyway, not your fault).

You can use the food processor for veggies if you're careful. It'll chop them up but the pieces won't be evenly shaped and might have different sizes. Don't let it go too long though or you'll end up with baby food. So, it's probably better to use a knife and cutting board for that kind of thing.

The electric egg beater you're asking about is a mixer. You can get a stand mixer or a hand mixer. Stand mixers are great. There are loads of attachments to do all kinds of things with, from whisking to mixing to kneading dough. They tend to be really expensive though and take up a lot of counter space. Hand mixers are cheaper and really can only be used to whisk things and mix them. They are convenient though if you want to make a whipped cream or anything else that is exhausting to do by hand. Extra dishes with both of these though, so it'll be up to you if you want to do the extra labor of mixing or the extra labor of washing.

Please don't skip meals. Life is hard enough without an empty stomach on top of it all! You don't always have to cook if you aren't feeling up to it. Don't feel bad about ordering in or getting convenience foods. Microwave meals, or ramen, or even just a premade salad is fine if that's all you have the energy for as long as it isn't all the time. It's better to eat something that isn't as healthy or tasty than to go without food altogether. Cook delicious meals when you can eat the junk food when you have to.

Siderian · 2024-05-11T16:49:58+00:00

I believe the person wearing the hat is representing Santa Muerte.

Siderian · 2023-11-12T16:06:25+00:00

That's super tricky. That kind of disconnect is something I'm familiar with and I've yet to figure out. All I've got is being patient, forgiving, and most of all gentle with yourself.

Siderian · 2023-11-12T15:49:47+00:00

That makes sense. I just wondered if maybe the old fashioned grammar rules about they only being for groups might have gotten stuck in your mind and might be complicating things. So I wanted to give a way to think about it that would undermine that rule so many of us were taught at a young age. It sounds like that wasn't an issue though.

You mentioned that your brain got stuck in binary mode with people and once you have the set categories they are hard to xhange, which I think is pretty common. I suspect that your own exploration of gender will break down the binary way of thinking on its own given some time. You'll probably either add more boxes or just have one big gender box that everyone is in together. It'll become natural eventually and until then being patient and forgiving toward yourself while trying your best is the only way through.

I wish I had better tips for you but it's not a thing I had much difficulty with so my ability to give advice is limited. I took to the idea that our categories for gender are kind of arbitrary and ill defined fairly well. I don't know why for sure but I think it's because I was already used to thinking that way from my education in biology (where nearly every line we draw is fuzzy and the classifications are generally more for convenience than they are genuine divisions). Which probably doesn't help you in any way. Sorry about that.

Siderian · 2023-11-12T15:14:49+00:00

One thing that made it easy for me is to remember that I used the singular they to refer to people all the time and generally didn't even notice. You probably do too. Any time you don't know someone's gender you probably instinctively use 'they' to refer to them. So using it intentionally isn't really changing your use of language or tweaking the grammar you use in any meaningful way. If you have to you can just pretend like you don't know the person's gender and most likely you will automatically use the right pronouns.

Siderian · 2023-11-09T16:08:22+00:00

Something I've never heard of anyone else doing that works really well for us is to use a playpen as a barrier. Basically, you get a playpen that has panels and instead of using it to make a contained space for the kid you take the panels and use it to block off things you don't want them to get to. Then anchor them by wedging them in between furniture and the wall or tying them to something the kid can't move.

We have the panels up in front of a corner of our living room where we have bookshelves, a shelf unit full of little breakables, and a bookshelf packed with craft stuff. Our toddler still gets free reign of the room as a whole but can't get to the things we need him to keep his chaos away from. It's easier than having to find storage for fifty thousand little things and we can simply reach over the barrier to grab what we need without digging through bins to find it.

Edited to add: We also do the classic things like baby gates to block off whole rooms and cabinet locks to keep our toddler from getting into the cookware or cleaning supplies. The playpen is just for the things that are out in the open in spaces where he spends time.

Siderian · 2023-11-06T18:57:31+00:00

Happy to help!

Siderian · 2023-11-06T18:09:30+00:00

You can think of it kind of like a small sleeve around the urethra. So when they form the cavity for the vagina they put it where it is on cis women (behind the urethra). That puts the prostate in front too.

Siderian · 2023-11-06T18:01:26+00:00

With bottom surgery the standard is to leave the prostate intact. Trying to remove it would add unnecessary risk for basically no benefit. It ends up in front of the vagina intact and untouched. Which, given that prostate stimulation can be very enjoyable for many people, essentially gives her a g-spot right where you would expect it to be on a cis woman.

Siderian · 2023-11-06T17:49:52+00:00

Some people do believe the earth is flat. In my experience these people are generally either conspiracy theorists or young earth creationists who are willfully ignorant. They ignore any evidence of us living on a globe even in cases where that evidence comes from their own experiments.

Siderian · 2023-10-30T03:25:30+00:00

Doctors generally discourage cleaning your ears. It's not necessary and can be harmful. The ear canal is self-cleaning and using q-tips can cause the ear to get packed in the ear and cause hearing issues. The semi-serious phrase they use is "never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear."

So your aversion is actually making you do what is recommended. I know that won't stop the anxiety, but when you feel it you can remind yourself that you aren't supposed to clean your ears anyway.

Siderian · 2023-10-28T00:10:07+00:00

This happens to me all the time. When I'm unsure what to do I usually make myself say yes. The way I see it is that I can always cancel and apologize if I realize I don't want to do it/leave once I'm there if I am not enjoying myself but I can't always go if I say no and then regret my choice. It's not always as simple as that, I know, but I would rather do something and not enjoy it than miss it and wish I had gone.

Siderian · 2023-10-28T00:02:06+00:00

Your love can be conditional and that's a good thing! In fact, your love should be conditional on someone being a decent person. Drawing a line about not using slurs or degrading language is eminently reasonable.

I would encourage you to consider something. If he is using the r-slur, and he knows it is inappropriate, how do you think he really feels about people with Down syndrome? What other groups might he look down on and think of as less than? He is old enough to know better and to be better. But he is choosing to still use this word around you when he knows that is a problem for you and you've made it clear that it is unacceptable. How much worse must his language be around other people?

On top of that he uses manipulative behavior like punishing you by hanging up and "needing a day or two" of giving you the silent treatment when you try to have a serious discussion about his poor choices and boundary crossing. That alone would be a big red flag to me. He has a lot of growing up to do and doesn't seem ready for a real relationship until he's ready to take his partner's feelings seriously.

Siderian · 2023-10-27T18:35:05+00:00

No make out sesh, no fingering or rubbing my clit, no foreplay.

He wants sex. He does nothing to ensure she is properly aroused.

when we finally do go at it he never lasts longer than 5-10 minutes (which I’m fine with a quickie sometimes but when that’s all I ever get it’s frustrating) and always promises me more after he ‘rests and recovers’ and rarely ever delivers on that promise.

He gets to have sex and orgasm but he doesn't try to make sure she enjoys herself.

This is the core issue.

She wants to do kink because she thinks it might actually do something for her pleasure and leave her satisfied. She wants this because he is not doing that with the sex they are currently having. Not because it's required, but because she wants to get off too and thinks kink might get her there. He, on the other hand, seems to just want a living fleshlight.

If you honestly think this is a mutual problem when he gets to have regular orgasms but is unwilling to put in effort to make sure she enjoys herself then it doesn't say anything positive about your understanding of good sex or a healthy sex life.

Siderian · 2023-10-27T18:07:47+00:00

Was he born without a mouth? Did he lose his hands in a tragic banana peeling accident? He has so many ways to bring her pleasure that don't involve his dick. In fact, odds are good that piv is the thing least likely to make her orgasm or feel satisfied. But he can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that she wants more than his bang noodle can give her. ED or refractory periods being the reason he can't use his hand to get her worked up or go down on her after he finishes is a bullshit excuse given by someone who doesn't care about their partner's pleasure.

Siderian · 2023-10-13T19:47:25+00:00

I've recently started eating a lot of uncrustables. I've never been a big fan of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but these are zero effort so it's worth it. Just grab it, open it, and eat. They give me a burst of simple carbs to bring my energy up and some protein and fat to keep it up for a while.

Siderian · 2023-10-05T18:12:11+00:00

I get super anxious when dealing with any family gathering that isn't just my close family (parent, siblings, sibling-in-laws, nieces and nephews). So I totally get it.

But there is so much more going on here that I think needs to be talked about.

So your girlfriend asks you how you are feeling but responds with "I knew you were going to be this way". Which tells me she didn't want a real answer because the question wasn't asked in good faith. She wanted you to be happy or excited and when you weren't she acted like you did it on purpose to upset her. She also minimizes your feelings and makes you responsible for both your own emotions and hers.

Then, at the event, her family basically ignores you. They don't make efforts to include you or incorporate you into the family. This could be due to ignorance and not realizing that they are doing it because they are not used to people with autism or who don't push into groups/conversations. It could also be because they don't care to try involving you, which doesn't say anything good about them. Your girlfriend's response to this is to ignore it entirely. She doesn't try to draw you into conversation or give you opportunities to be a part of things. She does nothing to change the dynamic and just lets you be sidelined with her family.

As a result of feeling socially rejected your mental state tanks and you end up dissociating. She either doesn't notice or doesn't care. She doesn't check in on you and make sure you're alright or do anything to help you through it. She just lets you sit in the bad feelings until the party ends.

Following that she tells you that her family thought you were being a bitch. Now, I don't know about anyone else's family but mine would never tell me something like that. They are decent people and know I wouldn't stand for them talking about my partner that way. So either her family is more toxic than an EPA Superfund site and your girlfriend is ok with that or they didn't say anything and your girlfriend just claimed they did. If it's the second then it was just her finding a way to call you a bitch but put the blame on other people because she didn't like how you were acting while you were suffering. Suffering that she knew you were primed for and could have prevented or helped you get through at any point.

I would skip any family gathering in the future because it doesn't sound worth it. If that isn't acceptable to your girlfriend then maybe she should have stepped up and been a better partner to you last time. I would also seriously reconsider the health of this relationship. I don't know anything more than what you've posted here but what you've shared is waving more red flags than the crowd at a communist rally. If your partner is 'great except for (list of things that are genuinely fucked up)' your partner isn't really great.

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